Seeking help for student estranged from abusive parents

Paying for College
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<p>My girlfriend and I are graduate students in Utah without much income. Her younger brother is a 17 y.o. senior in high school in Virginia that is just getting ready to apply to college. Shortly before his 17th birthday in Spring, he came out as gay, and his extremely conservative, religious parents rejected him. They have completely cut off all emotional and financial assistance and have told him to have his bags packed by his 18th birthday, when he will be kicked out of the house (before finishing high school). He'll have to live with friends while he finishes up, but fortunately, he has a network of very supportive friends, so he cane make this work, temporarily. My girlfriend (financially independent thanks to a grad school stipend) threatened to cut off all future communication with her parents unless they immediately reversed their behavior, but they didn't change their ways, so there's nothing more we can do to help fix this situation. Her brother has very little savings, as his parents have refused to let him have a job, so he has no money saved for college. We had to pay for his standardized testing (2030 SAT, ACT to be taken in October) and will be likely be spending what is, to us, a massive amount of money for his applications, but we obviously can't make any contribution to tuition.</p>

<p>Other things to know about him...
-Grades are good, but not great (3.7x unweighted GPA) with a pretty serious course load
-Very good at tennis, is getting recruited, but mostly by schools that are way way way out of price range without family help. He's ranked top 5 in Virginia and top 50 in Middle-Atlantic, so maybe some D1 schools that aren't quite championship teams might be able to provide a scholarship. UVA is so good at tennis that he's not going to have recruitment helping him get in to the school, although he may be able to walk on.
-He's interested in business and English, but definitely not a more likely money-making STEM-type major, so big loans aren't a practical option.</p>

<p>His parents aren't physically abusing him, but they are making his life as hard as possible otherwise, such as refusing to sign mandatory school documents in an attempt to sabotage his education, refusing to provide mandatory school books and other materials, banning him from going to events that are required by school, removing him from all summer tennis type stuff. I think he'll still get to play on the HS team in Spring, as it doesn't cost any money, but he's not allowed to play USTA, which is hurting his ranking. In terms of their verbal interaction, they've made comments such as "Supporting you is the biggest mistake we've ever made in life", taking a piece of paper with "Mommy" on one half and "Sodomy" on the other, violently ripping it in half, and telling him he has to make a choice between the two, etc, but most of the time when he attempts to talk to him, they simply ignore him and look away. Bottom line is that it's a bad situation and there's essentially no chance that he'll get them to fill out a FAFSA, not that it's fair for any college to expect him to have familial support anyway.</p>

<p>So, bottom line... He can produce supporting letters documenting his family life from counsellors, teachers, tennis coach, etc. Are there many schools at which this can help override the lack of a FAFSA?</p>

<p>So far, we think good fits for him would be UVA (stretch for admission, but very inexpensive), William and Mary, Virginia Tech, University of Utah (we can give him our second bedroom if he comes here, and tuition is very cheap, especially once he gets residency). He has been thinking about some of the smaller liberal arts schools that may be able to consider his situation and meet his genuine financial need, but it seems like the odds of this happening are pretty slim considering that he doesn't have any legal documentation supporting his claims. Anyone have any thoughts or suggestions? We're open to any ideas!</p>

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<p>Hustling for a tennis scholarship sure seems like the best option for him. Good for you guys to be there to support him, and I’m sorry his parents are such jerks.</p>

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<p>He has the stats for some guaranteed full rides based on merit, not need. They might be a good place to start, as they’d be guaranteed, even if not top choices for him. <a href=“http://automaticfulltuition.yolasite.com/”>http://automaticfulltuition.yolasite.com/&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

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<p>You and your girlfriend are doing a great job so far. Her parents are emotionally abusing her brother. Since the school seems to be aware of the situation, it surprises me that nobody’s called Child Protective Services on the parents yet. Your girlfriend might ask them what their plans are if/when that happens.</p>

<p>Are there any other relatives (aunts, uncles, grandparents) who might allow him to live with them until he turns 18? If his parents kicked him out or if he was removed by the foster care system, at least he’d have a temporary place to go. If they kick him out before he turns 18, he could be considered independent for financial aid purposes and he might not need the parents financial info. Otherwise, he either needs to qualify for guaranteed full ride scholarships or wait until he’s 24 and can be independent for financial aid. Make sure the schools you search on the financial aid forum are “full RIDE,” not just “full TUITION.” Look for “guaranteed scolarship” threads pinned to the top of the financial aid forum.</p>

<p>Can he locate both his birth certificate and social security card without getting caught? He can’t get a job without his ss card and, even if he knows his number, he can’t get a replacement ss card without his birth certificate. If he can get them, he needs to hide them. It may be a good idea for him to keep notes and write down everything they say in case he ever needs to document the abuse.</p>

<p>Good luck. Let us know what happens.</p>

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<p>If he can get a merit or athletic scholarship, it would not be dependent on his parent’s cooperation. So he should look at those schools where those are good possibilities. He can try to qualify as an independent, but would have to meet the requirements for that. Since he is still permitted to live under his parent’s roof, tense situation or not, I’m not sure how that would go. To be independent for FAFSA purposes, where he might qualify is if he is homeless or soon will be. Parents simply refusing to pay, refusing to fill out financial forms is not enough to get that designation. Kelsmom, might be able to give you some advice in this area. I don’t know if simply applying as an independent and then addressing each school’s inquiries about this would be the best way to go.</p>

<p>For schools that require PROFILE, you have to go on a school by school process. Each school almost certainly will request information, but what they want could differ from school to school. Again, sitting at paren’ts’ home, with them simply refusing to fill out the forms may not be enough. It might be wise for him to move out due to mental abuse, if he has a place he can go, even before he turns 18. </p>

<p>Most schools that use FAFSA only, do not guarantee to meet full need, and don’t do so for most students. Even with a zero EFC, all that is guaranteed is about $5700 in PELL, $9500 in Direct loan as an independent, plus any state entitlements. </p>

<p>There may be groups in the area that assist young people in exactly this young man’s predicament–gay, came out and parents dropping support, and he should be looking for them. They may help with the paper work. ALso have student contact the gay student organizations at UVA and other schools that interest him for advice on the matter. </p>

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<p>Every school makes their own judgement for a dependency override. I don’t know if there is enough here for it to be approved. To show abuse/neglect there needs to be plently of third party documentation (i.e. Clergyman, therapist, school official, child protective services) - and even then the school could make the decision to deny the request. I have seen students been denied independent status who had worse circumstances, but then I have seen approvals for much less. It would be a time consuming process with having to appeal with each school individually, but if they grant the override it would be worth it. </p>

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<p>I would start looking to what is needed for overides on the top choices and looking for back up schools where OPs stats would get him a full ride, as well as athletic scholarships he might be able to get in case this does not pan out. Also, some schools simply do not meet full need even if it’s there or define need in a way that may still leave a gap even with independent status.</p>

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<p>@cptofthehouse‌ That is definitely a much more managable plan than inquring about overrides at all schools. Good idea. Plus, if you gather the documentation needed for one school, chances are you could then submit it for all schools should you not get awarded a full ride down the road. The requirements are more or less going to be pretty similar. </p>

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<p>Try searching for LGBT scholarships as well. It seems like I remember seeing several targeted towards just this type of circumstance.</p>

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<p>Just brainstorming, it MAY be worth looking into legally becoming an emancipated minor (before he turns 18). That status may make the whole “proving independence” thing easier, since it is backed up by state-approved documentation.</p>

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<p>So sorry to hear about this awful situation. This is way too much for him or you to handle alone. He needs a knowledgeable advocate. I looked up some resources for you. Contact these organizations to see if they can help him figure out the best couse of action:</p>

<p>Equality Virginia
Campus Pride
Point Foundation
ROSMY</p>

<p>Also, Equality Viginia lists local resources throughout Virginia (click Resources on the horizontal navigation bar)
Camps Pride, in addition to being an overall resource, has a National Scholarship Database for gay youth on its site. </p>

<p>I encourage you to contact these organizations on his behalf. They can point him in the right direction. They do this all the time. </p>

<p>Let us know what happens!</p>

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<p>He needs to get out of that house and get into an emotionally safe home with caring adults. Another suggestion: he may need to lawyer up now. At least get one notified and informed on the situation. Shoshannah’s resources should lead you and him to a pro bono attorney.</p>

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<p>Although this is a sad situation, it if far from one that would constitute abuse in the legal sense of having the child removed for neglect.</p>

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<p>OP, your GF’s brother can ask for application fee waivers from his colleges based on financial hardship. He will have to write them individually and state his situation calmly with enough detail to be persuasive and compelling but not TMI. If approved, he will receive school specific fee waivers to use on the CA. This will take the burden off you a/o allow you to help him in other ways. </p>

<p>I know a student who was in this identical situation in Florida last year. He ended up having to move out of his parent’s house a few months after coming out (at age 17) and finish HS senior spring living in other people’s houses. The parents basically dis-owned him. The story had a wonderful ending when he was accepted to Columbia with a full ride ~ Columbia had been his dream school for years and I guess they were willing to consider his FA situation as not having access to parental resources. Perhaps it was the ‘override’ described above. I hope you are able to help this young man find a similar outcome. </p>