I was heartbroken to learn over the Thanksgiving break that one of my daughter’s close friends was told by his parents that, because he is transgender, they are cutting him off financially and will no longer pay his college tuition or have him on their health insurance or support him in any way.
He is about to finish his first semester at a large public university as an out-of-state student. Does anyone know of any resources to help young people in this sort of situation? I realize his parents are under no legal obligation to continue paying his tuition, but I wonder if there is anything that can be done so that he doesn’t have to drop out of school as a result of his parents’ actions.
This is an awful situation and my husband and I have both said to each other that we wish we had an extra $200,000 laying around. I know these sorts of things happen way too often, but this is the first time it’s ever happened to anyone I care about. Any advice or resources would be appreciated and I will pass them on to him. Thank you.
At almost all out-of-state publics, there is no or little need-based FA.
Are you able/willing to offer any financial assistance (even if much less than $200,000)? If so, perhaps there may be possibilities of lower cost in-state CC → state university paths, depending on the state of residency.
Yikes. He may have to stop and work. Is he committed financially for next semesters housing. Has he taken his $5500 Stafford for freshman year. He could look into taking that and banking it. Try looking for work at Starbucks, Amazon and was it UPS? They have some sort of scholarship support available. But I think he needs to stop for a semester at least and get a job with benefits if possible. Maybe look at the military before there is an official policy change. Possible funding scholarship funding that way.
(Assuming for now the preferred pronoun is the singular they) They may have options at one of the women’s colleges. I believe that Smith, Bryn Mawr, Mt. Holyoke, Mills, and Wellesley accept students that identify as female. Some may have more nuanced policies, and that should be researched. Several of these schools have excellent FA.
If they identify as male now, they may want to check out liberal coed schools, such as Oberlin, Bard, Wesleyan, Vassar and the like. Several of these schools offer excellent FA.
Will they allow him to live with them? I realize it won’t be his first choice but it is free. He likely needs to find an in state community college to attend and a full time job. It can be done. I have a young friend who worked full time, put herself thru school that way, became a teacher and just bought her first house at 25. There are good stories.
Just a guess, but I think finding a nanny position could be difficult. The insurance seems cruel, but maybe there is another factor-Maybe they are switching providers or something. In any event, he needs a place to live asap. May have to accept less than an ideal place.
He’s not going to be funded at an out of state public. My advice is to minimize financial liability at this point - withdraw academically, from housing, and from meal plan. Next, figure out how to avoid homelessness - any friends or relatives that might take him in and transportation to get there. Next, income. Finally, how to resume education if that’s possible based on his income. Perhaps community college. He won’t be eligible for financial aid until age 24.
Do not assume there is any safety net out there. A lot of homeless youth are LGBTQ.
He may wish to relocate to California if he can find a cheap room somewhere. I believe it is the only state where Medicaid covers gender reassignment surgery. Good community colleges too. If he can find a job and cheap place to live, it might work out.
The point foundation and HRC both have scholarships particularly for LGBTQ students… and they may have emergency funds available as well. Also- contact local/campus support agencies… and if there’s a local UU congregation-- they may be able to provide some short term emergeny assistance.
This is so horrifying to me. I’m hoping his parents are just reacting from their shock and that eventually their love for their child will prevail. I truly don’t understand how a mother could abandon her child at all. It is no wonder LGBT kids have such a high suicide rate if their own families are rejecting them like this.
Try looking at Campus Pride. They list scholarships and resources for LGBT students and advice on how to obtain a FAFSA dependency override. https://www.campuspride.org
I’m assuming that he’s 18+ because he’s in college. If so, he really should try to get to a medicaid expansion state if he can and isn’t already living in one.
This won’t help with his physical safety, but a trans friend of mine (who was also rejected by his parents) was spreading this around the other day. There is a blog called “Your Holiday Mom” specifically aimed at young people who have been rejected by their family due to their gender or sexual identity.
IB, he’s very lucky to have you even if you can’t contribute financially to his college. Many LGBTQ+ people have no adults in their life that they can trust.