Semi-sensitive, Really Annoying Problem

College Life
1

<p>Okay, there's this kid in one of my classes. He was in two of my classes last semester and we're sort of friends. He approched me toward the beginning of the semester and asked me to do a favor for him. He has some sort of learning disability (don't remember what it's called - started with a G) where he has trouble taking notes because he concentrates too much on the process of forming the letters and misses what the professor says, and wanted to know if he could copy my notes. I agreed to type them and email them to him. </p>

<p>Fast-foward two weeks, my grandfather passed away suddenly and I went to the funeral, staying at home for two days. In the process, I missed two major assignments in my freshman writing seminar, and putting me behind in all of my classes. With no time whatsoever do all this, I have to play catch up while keeping up with what we're doing currently. And I haven't had time to type up all of my notes - a simple matter of time. </p>

<p>So I go to the class after I get back and the kid rushes me, asking why I haven't emailed him the rest of the notes. I calmly explained to him that I was behind. I never got explain why before he started on a lecture of his own. He did this once before last semester, when my friend and I got in a full out arguement because I was complaining about a horrible grade I received on a math assignment (math has never been my strong suit...NEVER). He gave me a lecture about why I should spend more time with my math (which was already about an hour a day plus two an hour and half classes per week) and pull out of the only club I had been specifically active in - musical theater club - and was currently in rehearsals for a show that was three weeks away, telling me it was a waste of time, and not useful and basically putting down something that I love. </p>

<p>So now I'm mad. I keep getting more and more homework from all my classes and he keeps nagging me and sending emails. I finally told him that he would have to ask someone else, that I was simply, too busy. He then tells me that he hasn't taken notes since the second class, because I was sharing with him. He told me he was using my notes to get the things he missed. I wasn't happy to say the least. I have no problem with typing the notes if I had time, but so he can rely on my notes? No. I'm sorry, but no, I'm not sitting there so he can slack off and sleep (which I saw him doing lecture one day...in the front row...).</p>

<p>I finally told him that I can't do it. He had to find someone else. He pulled the whole "I'm disappointed" card, saying something along the lines of "At least I have the book". I told him to ask someone else in the class or maybe even the professor. I thought the whole issue was solved...</p>

<p>Next class, "I didn't get an email from you" "What email" "The email with your notes"</p>

<p>I can't shake this kid. I understand that he as a learning disability and I know how hard that is (mentally/physically handicapped brother), but, seriously. He couldn't tape record the lecture, like two other people in our class do. He can get one at a drug store for less money than the special notebook that he bought for me so that everything I wrote would transfer be copied onto a second sheet of paper ($30!!!! What the heck!!!!!!). </p>

<p>I don't want to sound like a bad person, but I can't handle this under my current course load. I don't type my notes - its easier to remember if I write by hand. I can't suddenly switch over to typing all my notes (another suggestion of his). I wasn't planning on falling behind when I promised him this. I have a responsability to myself and passing all my classes don't I ? He doesn't seem to understand at all. Any advice?</p>

<p>And, before anyone says anything, he's not autistic, as one of my friends suggested. I know autistic - my brother's autistic.</p>

2

<p>First of all, if he has a real learning disability the disabilities office should be handling finding a notetaker for him, he is not allowed to nag you about it. Just ignore him. If he has a legitimate disability, the professor and/or the disabilities office will find him another accommodation. It’s not like he is left out to dry because you stopped helping him, it is somebody’s job to provide him accommodations IF he has a documented disability, and that person is not you.</p>

<p>Second, every person with autism is completely different. My best friend’s sister is autistic and he still does not know autism as well as he thinks he does, by a longshot. I am not sure why this is relevant, but you brought it up.</p>

3

<p>So basically, you’re his scribe and he has the nerve to complain that you missed a couple days when your grandpa died? </p>

<p>Unless he’s deaf, dumb, and blind in addition to the learning disorder, he should be capable of asking another student for assistance or asking the professor directly. Most colleges have a Disabilities Office meant to help students with learning disorders. I’ve had Professors send out emails to the class asking for a note-taker for a student who needs help (volunteers are compensated). So check to see if your college has something similar. He should have gone to the professor with this problem since colleges are required to help students with learning disorders. He might not be aware of the Disabilities Office so maybe if you suggest that he can get extra help? He also might be eligible for extra time on tests if he’s not getting it already.</p>

<p>Also, he probably doesn’t want a tape-recorder because many people prefer to read notes instead of just hearing a lecture.</p>

4

<p>I agree that this isn’t your responsibility. This student should go to the Disability Office of your school, and I’m sure they will be able to help him (provided that he does, in fact, have a documented disability).</p>

<p>You especially are not obligated to give him your notes since he lied to you. If he told you that he was only using your notes to fill in the holes in his own notes, but is really relying entirely on your notes, I would say that that alone is grounds for stopping.</p>

<p>I don’t understand why you’re even “sort of” friends with this kid. He sounds incredibly whiny, demanding, and self-centered. He can’t cut you slack for being behind because you missed TWO DAYS because your grandfather died? And who is he to lecture you about your grades and demand that you quit your extracurriculars? Combined with the fact that he bought you a special $30 notebook, it sounds like he is very controlling. I’m not trying to be melodramatic, but that is not a healthy relationship.</p>

<p>All this, combined with the fact that he doesn’t seem to understand your position or be willing to find someone else makes me think he has more mental issues than just focusing too much on forming letters when he writes.</p>

<p>@pinkstrawberry: Even if you want notes instead of hearing the lecture, if OP’s friend were to tape the lecture, he could later play it back and pause it when he needed to and take his own notes, and play it as many times as he wanted until he had satisfactory notes. At least, that’s what I would do if I tape-recorded lectures. But this does depend on the teaching style of the professor. If the professor relies heavily on Powerpoints or writing on the board, then just having a recording wouldn’t be enough.</p>

<p>@OP: So basically, you should tell this kid about the Disabilities Office, and then ignore any subsequent e-mails/nagging from him. It’s not like you’re breaking a promise; the promise you made became null and void when he lied to you about how he was using your notes.</p>

5

<p>It sounds to me like your friend doesn’t understand the concept that other people exist for anything other than his benefit. This may be some other disorder or it may be garden variety ***hole. But either way, it, like his dysgraphia, is simply not your responsibility. Don’t try to make it be.</p>

6

<p>Tell him to get help from the disability office. That’s where he should be getting help, not from well-meaning, but busy students like you.</p>

<p>And block his e-mail. You have been more than kind to him, and he’s being unspeakably inconsiderate and ungrateful.</p>

7

<p>As everyone else has said, tell him to go to the disabilities office.</p>

8

<p>Agreed. Tell him that he needs to go to the disability office and they will arrange a scribe (note taker) for him if appropriate. As suggested above, block his email. If he continues to bother you, be short and blunt with your answers. Don’t engage him in conversation.</p>

9

<p>@TwistedxKiss I mentioned autism because I’ve had two people ask me right off the bat if I thought he was autistic. I thought I put that in the post, but I guess I didn’t. </p>

<p>Thank God everyone has sort of agreed with me. I was fully expecting people to call me an unfeeling <insert insult=“” of=“” your=“” choice=“” here=“”> for even asking this.</insert></p>

<p>I know he already gets extentions on exams and quizzes. I heard him talking to the professor toward the beginning of the semester and told her. He’s one of those guys who gets the extention because of his disability, but never needs to use it. In our two hour math final last semester, he was out of there in, 45 minutes, (and later made a point in telling me that he must have gotten an A because his grade went up) while I was struggling and had to be told by the professor that time was up and I had to leave (I squeaked in a C- in the class, barely making the class count for credit). I fully understand why he is given the time extentsion, I have a friend who get special accommedations for exams at her school (got them in high school too), but it kind of annoys me that he never needs to use it. </p>

<p>I don’t see what’s going to stop this kid. He is still asking me for the notes, even though I already told him no. He sent me another email, but I just deleted them without opening. II might tell him about the Disablity office, but I won’t count on him listening. I suggested asking someone else in the class and talking to the professor, along with other little things, all of which he either ignored or came up with an excuse as to why he couldn’t. It looks like he’ll continue staring at his chapter notes (which he seems fine enough to make himself) during lecture and annoying the crap out of the professor. He mentions something that he read in the chapter, to which the professor tells him “I was about to mention that,” and he proceeds to talk, at length, about something that the professor was about to tell us. He also has this …thing…where he feels the need to answer rhetorical questions (a professor last semester was fond of those) and if his hand is up and you don’t call on him, he says whatever he was going to say anyway, possibly over the person that WAS called on. These may be part of the disability, or maybe not, but I’m pretty sure the professor is going to murder him before this class is over.</p>

<p>The worst part of all this is he’s in my major. If we pick the same concentration, I’ll never get rid of him…</p>

10

<p>“. He mentions something that he read in the chapter, to which the professor tells him “I was about to mention that,” and he proceeds to talk, at length, about something that the professor was about to tell us. He also has this …thing…where he feels the need to answer rhetorical questions (a professor last semester was fond of those) and if his hand is up and you don’t call on him, he says whatever he was going to say anyway, possibly over the person that WAS called on. These may be part of the disability, or maybe not, but I’m pretty sure the professor is going to murder him before this class is over.”</p>

<p>… And you ruled out autism… why? XD</p>

<p>If it gets to the point where you cannot ignore him I might consider talking to the professor about it. Perhaps they can intervene, if nothing else they may be able to find him a different notetaker.</p>

11

<p>Maybe he is hitting on you and is just really awkward about it.</p>

12

<p>Basically, he is Pharaoh and you are his scribe. I don’t know what else I can add, except what has been said before. Try to stay out of King Tut’s way; it’s not really even your job to steer him to the college’s Disability Office or anything – he’ll probably expect you to carry him there or something. I would just stay out of his way and report him if that becomes necessary due to harassment.</p>

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<p>There’s flirting and being a pest, and someone who can blithely ignore a death in the family like that isn’t even worth entertaining.</p>

13

<p>Sounds like the kind of person who’s not used to having anyone saying no to him.</p>

<p>Here’s what I would do:</p>

<p>Next time I see him I throw the special notebook in his face while telling him to f*** off. Then walk walk away before he says anything. I might also pull my shirt up and pull my pants down a little and sing " put your hands in the air like you you just don’t care," I’ll also have my hand in the air.</p>