<p>Well, I misunderstood my D’s text. It seems the bowler did have company, and in fact there were a whole lot of awards given out. But that makes me feel even worse because even with there being a multitude, D still didn’t get any. She apparently wasn’t smart enough to get any of the 6 female scholar athlete awards. Despite having been team captain of three sports for two years each, she also didn’t receive any of the athletic leadership awards. She’s not a good sport either, apparently, since the sportsmanship awards passed her by as well. Her conference and state-level wins, her multiple school records, and being recruited to a very competitive Div. 1 school were insufficient to qualify her for any of the 6 female “athletic ability” awards. She also didn’t receive the award named after the school’s sports historian, despite the fact that he tells everyone who will listen that she’s the best athlete to have ever attended the high school (he, obviously, did not do the selection for his own award. Some committee did).</p>
<p>Oh, and as if that weren’t bad enough, when they were supposed to re-announce for the second time (the first time being at the other ceremony) a previously earned honor, they forgot to mention her AGAIN! There were only two people total for that award–a boy and a girl–so how they could forget her is beyond me.</p>
<p>Lafalum, I’m sure you’re correct. However, it doesn’t make it easier to stomach the fact that D ended up with no school awards–just the few supposed-to-be-but-not announced outside things like National Merit. All we could do was laugh so as not to cry. D feels a little bitter because she has worked so hard and gets overlooked at every turn.</p>
<p>My son got best hair … oh, you mean ACADEMIC awards! Repeat after me … failure to recognize doesn’t negate the achievement. Yes, it can be upsetting, but in the scheme of things, it’s not that important. Overlooking student achievement doesn’t lessen the achievement of that student. Failing to recognize students who probably SHOULD be recognized has been a problem for years … certainly for at least 32 (considering that I was totally passed over for any type of recognition - story of my high school life, which I have no interest in remembering today for so many reasons). </p>
<p>My opinion is that many high schools are just one big popularity contest … and too often, the teachers & administrators have favorites who get all the recognition. Big frickin’ deal. It’s high school. Thankfully, there is a whole amazing life after high school! ;)</p>
<p>What really hurts about this isn’t her not getting the awards, though that does sting of course, but rather the feeling that her teachers and coaches dislike her. Tonight D said “They really must not like me at all, and I’m not sure why.” She was obviously qualified for these awards tonight, as well as a few of the academic ones, yet did not get selected for any. The two boys sitting next to her at her table were incredulous that she didn’t receive anything, so it’s not like we’re completely deluded!</p>
<p>It’s not so much that her teachers and coaches dislike her. It’s more that they are focused on other students for whatever their personal reasons may be. It DOES sting, and I would not try to minimize that. It hurts. Focus on helping her to understand that she is no less talented & wonderful tonight than she was this afternoon, when she was hopeful & expectant of receiving awards. It’s hard for her, and her feelings are legitimate. Yet she is still that awesome student & person she was before she was overlooked. THAT’S the important thing!</p>
<p>GFG, I am in total sympathy with you and D. Been there and it hurts. What do you say when your child says " I guess my accomplishments don’t count"? I agree with Lafalum that there is sometimes a “backlash” against the top students as it is assumed (wrongly) that these kids are honored all of the time.</p>
<p>I love to see kids honored but in reading this thread it is disappointing to see how many schools have it so very wrong.</p>
<p>GFG, what sport is she in? Track? Often certain schools have some sports that are overlooked while others are huge. At our high school, everyone knows the wrestling team (multiple years of state championships) and the hockey team, but last year they completely forgot to even MENTION the volleyball team at athletic awards (although they were league co-champs), and I bet a majority of the students don’t even know we have a golf team. We have a sophomore girl who is nationally ranked in the top-10 in her event in track, and if I wasn’t friends with a few trackie-moms, I wouldn’t even know about her.</p>
<p>Although I really do think in your D’s case it’s the backlash thing - your D probably has a ton of trophies and she’s going to Stanford (is that right? I think I read that?) so people assume she doesn’t need any more recognition. But on her part, it’s hard not to feel “un-acknowledged.”</p>
<p>Okay, so awards night was last night and my daughter was shut out except for participation certificates for drama and music. I’ve explained that it’s not always a fair process and she has moved on. However, here’s the kicker: </p>
<p>Daughter moved to this school in fall of her junior year. She was #1 of 250 in old school. New school refuses to rank her since she didn’t come to the school by the end of sophomore year. Big article in newspaper over the weekend about val and sal and their GPA’s were written in the article. My daughter’s GPA is actually .33 above the val which makes her #1 of 500…quite an achievement but school refuses to rank her. How frustrating! The top 2 kids cleaned up with all kinds of scholarships and awards and she wasn’t recognized…not once!</p>
<p>Daughter is so sad and frustrated. How do I console her? She’s pretty tired of hearing “life is not fair” and “in a few years, this won’t matter at all.” Any ideas on how to keep her spirits up through these last couple weeks before graduation?</p>
<p>^^^ Frustrating situation. I realize that people faced with a move can’t make that decision based on how the new high school decides class rank (well, maybe some can, but most can’t). However, it’s a good thing to know going in, in order to have more time to adjust. Something for people considering a move to think about. What an unfortunate rule for zebby’s d. And equally unfortunate that someone on the awards committee couldn’t have applied a little common sense and supported her for some recognition other than val.</p>
<p>I know we have a number of hs teachers and GCs on the board. Have any of you been involved in the selection process for senior awards? I don’t see why there can’t be a bit more transparency to the process, especially in public schools. And, after my family’s checkered history on this subject, I’m one who truly believes that hs awards are nice pieces of paper but mostly meaningless and even silly; not worth spending an evening on, certainly. But if we’re going to have 'em, we should understand how they’re awarded.</p>
<p>Frazzled - good question. I asked our school administrators for a list of awards and what the criteria for each was as well as who chose the winners. The only thing they would say was that one teacher from each department was on the awards committee. That did explain why no one who had D’s teachers won anything. I suggested that each department get together and choose their awards, but I’m sure they didn’t take my suggestion this year. They never did answer any of my other questions.</p>
<p>I cannot say more than before, the most important is in a future at college. D. got $32,000 - combined of 9 Merit Scholarships for her next year, all from her college (including some departmental and some from our State). Most reguire certain GPA, State require both GPA and residency. No politics, no parents involvement, no special status, nothing but pure recognition for very hard work and very high college GPA.
Tell your kids to leave all kind of HS screw ups/politics behind, just erase from brain and work very hard in college. IT IS WORTH IT!!!</p>
<p>When schools give what students dub “pity awards,” then the kids understand and don’t feel bad at being overlooked in favor of someone who objectively has not achieved as high a level in that arena. They know the purpose of that honor is to boost the self-confidence of a student who has made most of below-average ability or reward one who has admirably persevered through adversity. Obviously, there also isn’t a problem when there are clear criteria and the school awards the honors fairly to the students who have best met that criteria. IMO, the philosophy Lafalum spelled out is the hardest to deal with, in part because to the outsiders it does seem like the honorees are the best when they’re not. After all, these kids are not unknown or unaccomplished–they’re just not the most accomplished. And since everyone assumes the tippy-top kids will be getting scholarships and awards from others and thus don’t need theirs, they end up with nothing.</p>
<p>The schools can’t engage in transparency because they will hide behind educational privacy. </p>
<p>Truth is that the schools are getting it wrong because, in many instances, they simply don’t know. The evidence of this is that there are frequent winners of awards that have “character” as criteria and pot-smoking drunkards win these on occasion. I refuse to believe that if the school knew this the students would win the awards even in a bias situation.</p>
<p>In my district, an 8th grade girl won such an award (I won’t say which year so don’t assume) and it’s a big joke to her classmates. Why? Because as an eighth grader she had a BJQ reputation.</p>
<p>Thanks for understanding abut my daughter’s situation. Unfortunately, my husband had been unemployed for nearly a year and when he finally got a job they required a relocation from across the state. Would not allow us to delay the move until daughter finished high school…</p>
<p>Our high school actually spells out the criteria for the awards in the program so one can see what factors were considered and even how they were weighted in the decision making process. Departments choose their top students and then there is an overall “outstanding student” and I believe department heads choose that student. I know character isn’t a criteria for any of the awards. </p>
<p>I know it is hard for the kids to not be acknowledged but very shortly it will all be behind them. They’ll be on to great things in college and none of this will matter any longer.</p>
<p>Alright, I can no longer bite my tongue. Err, fingers.</p>
<p>WHO CARES???</p>
<p>Ds was recently honored at a districtwide ceremony. I am almost positive he should have won three of the six categories instead of just the one he was given (and possibly more). I assume they gave him the “top” award, related to leadership, and then wanted to spread the others around. I don’t really care that others think he wasn’t the top AP scorer in this subgroup or didn’t have the highest GPA in this subgroup. It doesn’t diminish one bit his accomplishments, and I know the mom of the girl who was given the GPA award and she was over the moon excited, so yea for her!!!</p>
<p>I look at it like people’s college admission results – maybe we really don’t know everything about the kid and there may be more there. Maybe there are reasons these other kids win awards that we don’t know. And if people do know the intimate details of other kids’ grades, scores, etc., that’s a problem, too.</p>
<p>zebby’s situation is unfortunate, but I understand the policy as ds is at a school that people move in and out of in order to game the system. Not saying zebby did that, only that I understand why the policy is in place.</p>
<p>While I agree that life often isn’t fair, I firmly believe that it *should *be fair, and that people who are supposed to make decisions fairly should be criticized when they don’t.</p>
<p>It hit a high point for me last year when my son who was #2 in a class of 90, Senior Class President, the local tv’s scholar-athlete winner, and All-State in a major sport (and a recruited athlete who is presently playing a college sport) didn’t win one award"</p>
<p>Didn’t he already win the honors of being sal, vice pres, scholar-athlete and all-state? Are these awards meant to give yet another award to kids who have already racked up awards? That seems pointless. “Kids, gather round while we give awards to the people you elected and who have already won multiple awards! No room for you!”</p>
<p>It’s good to be proud of your child when he or she wins awards. It’s also good to think nothing of it if they don’t win awards. And it’s unbecoming for a parent to say, “My child achieved A, B, C, and D, but I’m upset that they didn’t win award X.” It sounds petty.</p>
<p>First of all youdon’tsay, your S did get a big award, which no doubt made it a tad easier to be gracious that other awards for which he was the most qualified were given to other students. No such luck for some of us. Also, can you not see why this is a problem that could affect a child’s college admissions results too? Once the school decides that objective criteria don’t matter, then many other opportunities will be lost to the most highly qualified students. Indeed, that already happens at my high school. There are numerous outside programs like Governor’s School and Boy State which require a nomination from the school. Some local, regional, and national scholarship programs require such a nomination too. In some schools, there are awards given in 9th, 10th and 11th grades which become part of a child’s resume. The sum total of all these things will constitute a child’s application. I can’t express how thankful I am that there are standardarized tests and that D did a sport which is governed by a stop watch, because if she had needed to solely depend on the school to recognize her academic or athletic ability, she would not have achieved the admissions results she did.</p>
<p>Also, if the school takes pizzagirl’s stance about awards, then they need to do that across the board. Other Div. 1 recruited students still got “athletic ability” awards last night–just not D. So I guess her Stanford recruitment was a little too much in their opinion, but going to Rutgers, Lafayette, or Iona is not so great that we won’t give those kids an additional award?</p>