<p>Schokolade, I think we’re saying the same thing really. I don’t think there were legal issues to advise on here (the school’s enrollment contract is probably very clear), but I think an unbiased listener/advisor could help upset parents. (I am a lawyer too).</p>
<p>Denise, I have seen parents bring in an attorney as an advisor in a similar case, and my sons’ private school did not have an antagonistic reaction. The lawyer wasn’t there to rabble rouse or threaten suit, and the school wasn’t threatened by the lawyer’s presence. Having heard second hand about some of the conversations, I think the lawyer helped the parents ask the right questions in a very stressful meeting.</p>
<p>It’s nice to meet the other lawyers here! I think we have a lot of agreement here, as well. </p>
<p>In this particular case, I agree that the school’s contract is probably fairly clear, and that a private school has the right to set such policies. At the same time, my heart goes out to the parents and student who are dealing with this. I hope the OP will update us as to what happens down the road.</p>
<p>I almost always recommend a lawyer when dealing with a public school, but usually there is not much to be done (unless the parents need an advisor, and, hey, that’s what WE are all for! ) with private schools.</p>
<p>I just caught up on pages and pages of posts. There is so much to respond to that I do not know where to start. First, while we agree that the punishment is harsh, we knew this about the school from day one and so did he. Second, he did not just drink, he brought in beer and gave it to others. That constitutes “distributing”. That compounded the effect. Also, he and another left campus in the middle of the night. Sadly, this was the first time he had done anything of the kind, and the first time he drank on campus. No, we do not believe he has an alcohol problem, but we do believe that this could become a problem. It is certainly a red flag. We met with a family counselor today and it was incredibly helpful and insightful. He will meet again next week, this time alone, with our son. We do not feel we need a lawyer. The school is very clear. They are allowing him to take his finals at home and will send his first semester transcript out to the colleges. There will be no “informing” by the school. They leave that to us, and we (and our son) will do the right thing. Hard lesson. Life changing. Devastating to us, and very detrimental financially, both in terms of owing for the remainder of the year (he had a partial merit scholarship) and in terms of potential loss of scholarships (merit) in the future. Thank you again for all the wonderful advice.</p>
<p>Wishing your son and your family all the best. This is a tough lesson that will make him think very carefully moving forward. I don’t know if you believe in this type of thing but sometimes these difficult situations that we learn from are given to us for a reason. Your son will come out stronger and wiser from this.</p>
<p>We had a student at our highschool in basically the same situation- senior in high school, stupid stupid stupid</p>
<p>She withdrew, there was not record of why, and she was able to graduate from another highschool and is doing fine in a good college.</p>
<p>All is not lost and most schools don’t want to wreck a student’s future for a lapse in judgement, they really just want to send a strong message that they mean business.</p>
<p>If the school is not reporting it, that means you don’t have to either. As for leaving midterm, happens all the time- jobloss, moving, divorce, all kinds of life circumstances.</p>
<p>Don’t do the “right” thing just to be righteous, your son has already been punished and no need to further damage his future by confessing if you don’t have to.</p>
<p>Hiking, it sounds like you have a good perspective on this. You are willing to take the punishment and lay the responsibility for the situation where it clearly lies, with your son. Yet, you are willing to be his advocate and his adviser in minimizing the damage instead of trying to shift blame or, even worse, avoid responsibility by pulling strings or escalating the situation.</p>
<p>It sounds like you are covering your bases and I would wager that your son will come out of this stronger and more focused and, really, what more could we want for our kids heading to college?</p>
<p>To put this in perspective: A good friend of mine had been admitted and deposited at my university his senior year of HS. Through various bad decisions (nothing obviously stupid or illegal, though) he got charged with felony terrorism and explosives charges. These were worked out somewhat, but it can work out. Just make sure to handle it well.</p>
<p>Hiking - I am so sorry for what you’re going through. You’ve very much impressed me with your attitude and the steps you are taking going forward. It cannot be easy and must be filled with a lot of pain. I imagine that the disappointment will continue to come in waves at what could have been or should have been or whatever. Please know that there are a lot of listening and nonjudgemental people on these boards and as we continue to raise our children into adulthood, we face a lot of similar struggles. Most children cause their parents at least a little heartache along the way. So… please keep us updated as to how the road is going and feel free to vent here on the days that aren’t going well. </p>
<p>And to the posters in general, I do not think that this mistake indicates there is a drinking problem by any stretch. I am a very limited drinker and frankly, always have been for the MOST part. But in BS and college? Believe me, I made my share of mistakes while underage. There is a bravado of youth that MOST people typically tend to outgrow. This is not a parent with her head in the sand from what I can ascertain. Sometimes I think we (as a general society) are a little quick to label mistakes as problems. Sometimes a duck is really just a duck. I also think that by swallowing the bitter pill now, the OPs kid will be much wiser going forward. I applaud the parents for holding him accountable while also demonstrating an unfailing love. Parenting is not for the faint of heart, this is certain!! Cuz anytime you say, "My kid would never… ", he surely will!</p>
<p>Parenting is not for the faint of heart, and it sure does cause sleep deprivation! I just re-read many posts and cannot thank you all enough for your support and advice. The issue of “tell or don’t tell” is a tough one. Where there are scholarships involved, as in “distinguished scholars” or other full rides, meaning pretty highly sought after and limited within the particular LAC, we simply have to be forthright. I wonder where it might be more “vague” is at a larger school where scholarships are simply given based on scores, and not on a “process” that includes a separate application and interviews. Still, the thought that comes back to us over and over is the need to be up front about this. We all live in “small towns”, no matter how big they are. Everyone knows or will know by the weekend …(talk for the Christmas parties, ugh). Tomorrow is a day for us to explore school options, and they don’t look terribly promising. Most privates won’t take in a student the last semester, and frankly, finances are an issue. The public school in our district does not offer the same AP classes he is taking, most importantly, NO BC Calculus. And they are not on a semester basis, so there is no matching up of class schedules. Not sure where we go, but we have lots of help, and it starts in the morning. As for me, it is 3:30, so I think i will get a cup of coffee. PS I was a finance major who really wanted to be a journalism major, and I love to write, can you tell?? First smile in two days!</p>
<p>hiking - is there any way to home school that last 6 months? Maybe with some tutors and online courses? If there is a college near you, what about some CC courses to cover the AP’s?</p>
<p>Hiking, I have a friend who’s child was suspended from a different BS then the one my son attended, it was a pretty high profile incident involving quite a few kids. This child wound up taking a gap year and even with all the drama still attended an Ivy. The BS has to follow their rules, but I have found they still are very willing to support the child, I have never heard of an incident where they wanted to block a child’s future. I wish you and your son the very best of luck in the scholarship process. I hope honesty, candor and contrition will be rewarded. H and I were watching some show once and the dad said of his son, “He’s 18, he’s an idiot, all 18 year olds are idiots”. On a certain level this is true (at least at times) and college administrators know this! H and I still chant that when our son, now 19 year old does something dopey.</p>
<p>hiking1011, I haven’t read the entire thread, so forgive me if this is repetitive, but is there anyway that the school would provide home tutoring for the subjects your son needs to graduate? Also could your son take Calc or other APs at a community college?
Best of luck…teenagers unfortunately often make “stupid” choices that unfortunately have lasting effects. This could have truly happened to any of us!</p>
<p>Some private schools will help and be supportive, some will not. It depends on “the tone at the top”. One of the ones my son attended had an absolutely horrible headmaster (he had been foisted on the school when his prior school in California wanted him out and some negotiating went on through various diocese. Long story). Anyway- if the school administration is compassionate and has the resources to help, that can go a long way. Sometimes the student is literally kicked to the curb.</p>
) with private schools.</p>