<p>Hiking, your words have touched me deeply and I encourage you to write more of your thoughtful parenting wisdom. (one never knows, it could help with your scholarship pinch) You are a gifted writer with a resounding message soooo many need to hear (parents and students!) The first thing MANY parents in our ‘perfect’ community do is Hire a lawyer and barge into admin. with guns blaring. What message is that sending to the students? What are we raising? Your story is pretty common, but your reaction to it is inspiring. It sounds simple enough to do the right thing, but how many really do? Thanks for sharing with us all, your son is very blessed and will carry this lesson about honestly forever.</p>
<p>i am graduating a year early in june and needed another english class to do so. i am taking that online through my state’s electronic high school. most likely your state has a similar program.</p>
<p>that is such an unfair punishment for a one-time mistake, but as everyone else has said, not much you can do as the consequences were known to both you and your son. i feel terrible for him but i bet everything turns out fine in the end.</p>
<p>Hiking,
Here is an easy way to take on-line courses:
[Online</a> High School Courses | Diploma | MU High School](<a href=“http://cdis.missouri.edu/high-school-subject-courselist.aspx]Online”>http://cdis.missouri.edu/high-school-subject-courselist.aspx)</p>
<p>They have AP courses as well (though not Calc BC), but I am not sure that for a motivated kid self-studying with Princeton Review books is not a better option for AP prep.</p>
<p>nngmm, thank you so much. They have all the APs except Calc BC, but taking Calc AB will be fine. I had been searching and searching and could not find a single online that did not have the APs as full year courses. MU offers the courses in semesters, and that works perfectly. On another note, I must admit my heart is aching more than ever. I am not sure the reality has even hit him fully. When Christmas is over and the friends return to school, I think he will have a very difficult time. As for us, we’re starting over here with “pick up your clothes” and “what’s for dinner?” and the mundane stuff, right alongside the big feelings. It is a lot to bear. His sisters get home from college this weekend, and that will introduce yet another element. Comparisons. Successes. Failures. Each day I pray for strength and insight, to be a better parent, to make good and wise decisions. It is funny that all of you, strangers to me, have been so supportive and wise. Thank you.</p>
<p>hiking, I think we all know we could be there in your shoes. Sending lots of good thoughts your way for continued strength and wisdom.</p>
<p>Hiking: My heart goes out to you. Please remember that this is just a fork in the road, and will not define his chances for success. It will be difficult when the holidays end and his friends return to school. I think it will help if he has reasons to leave the house. I would load him up with a job and volunteers commitments. I also think a course or two at a nearby community college is a good idea. It might be healthier for him to be in classes with other students instead of taking all his courses online. Good luck getting through this.</p>
<p>OP - this is a little off topic and not really any of my business, but I’m just curious as to why you (or other posters here for that matter) chose to send your S to a boarding school? What factored in to that decision? Did his sisters go to boarding schools as well? (Not being critical or anything - just curious.)</p>
<p>sylvan- There have been other threads on boarding school and there is a forum here for prep schools if you want a range of opinions on why/why not.</p>
<p>My answer is that our decision was very different for our two kids. Our daughter did her last two years of high school at a boarding school which allowed her to really focus on her art (singing) as well as maintaining strong academics. She was unhappy socially in her local girls’ prep school and the boarding school turned out to be a perfect fit for her and she thrived. It was difficult to send her far away, but she still (at 26) views it as one of the greatest gifts she has ever received. Her growth in those two years- artistically, academically, socially and spiritually- was truly something to behold.</p>
<p>Our son was a different story and one which I have told a number of times on this forum, but let’s just say that I WAS in the OP’s shoes in many ways and our family had to make the choices we felt were best for our son. His path through high school was checkered, but the boarding school where he spent his final two years of high school was also a gift for him and our whole family. He was an outstanding student and athlete and was nurtured and mentored in a way that could not have happened elsewhere.</p>
<p>We ended up not sending ours to boarding school, they made the choice and chose local options. But what I’d say is once you have a look at the great ones, you would understand completely why any family would choose this option.</p>
<p>The facilities are unsurpassed, the teachers incredibly dedicated, the students incredibly bright and they come together to form some pretty powerful learning communities. The grads, in general, come out way ahead of their peers academically and in terms of maturity/independence. We were a bit sad in terms of their education that they didn’t go, especially DH who attended Andover.</p>
<p>To add to 2college2college, our son competed for and was offered a merit scholarship (partial, not full tuition, room and board), the school and faculty are outstanding, the boys form a bond that cannot be found anywhere else, and on and on. It was, in our opinion, a huge gift that we gave him, and giving him up these four years has been very hard. Just FYI, I was a very involved parent from K on, serving on many boards and committees, after school sports, etc. So it was not a case where we “sent him away” for our own schedules or because he had problems at home. Not so in this case. Sometimes outsiders, looking in, can think the worst. We saw it as a lifetime opportunity.</p>
<p>^^ When local people found out my daughter went to boarding school they would say to her “What did you do?” They thought she had been “sent off” as they used to say in my day! She had to explain that she was at a top prep school and arts academy. As much as we missed our kids, they had opportunities and experiences that would not have been available otherwise. It was a huge financial sacrifice for our family, and I will probably neve get to retire :), but it was worth it.</p>
<p>I sent my kids off to boarding school for myriad reasons. Mostly it was to get a better education… but it was also because I desperately needed to break the cycles of argument and nag that we’d fallen into.</p>
<p>Hiking–</p>
<p>My heart goes out to you & your family!</p>
<p>What a shame, that the kid who was honest is being given the harsh punishment and the clever weasels are getting to stay in school. Your son has learned more than one lesson from this! Unfortunately.</p>
<p>I think Lemaire is absolutely correct and you have to let the colleges know it was a first time drinking dumb mistake — or else they willl assume far worse (selling drugs, sex with younger girls, etc). Every college in the country is well acquainted with kids doing underage drinking and most of their students are doing far more of it than your son ever will. Go check those places out late on a spring Saturday night. </p>
<p>The response is most likely to be more like “They threw him out for That?”</p>
<p>15 years from now he will go to the reunion and he will be the star among his classmates. He will always be known as the guy Old Prep threw out for drinking (or should I say, the one they caught) and they will all think it is hilarious. </p>
<p>Meanwhile—does your town have any underperforming public schools that would be happy to have a prep school educated volunteer tutor coming in a couple of afternoons a week, to help their students with reading, math, etc? Getting into that groove asap and also letting the colleges he’s applied to know that he is making lemonade out of his lemons in this fashion might be more of a blessing than you realize.</p>
<p>They all get applications from kids who have gone to the school your son is leaving—and others like it. They don’t get a lot of applications from young men who took this kind of blow on the chin and came right back withhin a few days to help other kids do better. He should get out there fast into some volunteer thing & on a regular basis. I am suggesting tutoring because he gets to use his education to benefit others. </p>
<p>And, for him, tutoring will help him develop communication skills with people of varying abilities & education levels. Not just his school peers – he will most likely need this kind of skill in future career situations. </p>
<p>God bless & give him my best. He will come out of these days with greater maturity, judgment, etc than he would have otherwise, believe it or not.</p>
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<p>Uhm… I guess I forgot to teach that to my children. It never occurred to me that this might be good advice.</p>
<p>OP–it sounds like you taught your child how to be an upstanding person. We all make bad decisions, when we face the consequences we are able to move on and grow. S may have had to learn a very difficult lesson for doing something that so many other kids his age have done but he hasn’t whined “sour grapes”. He is well on his way to being an adult that has something to offer society. It is unfortunate that he has had to face what he has but what a nice thing to know that you have raised a young man with integrity–no matter what happens to him he will always have this.</p>
<p>mtnmomma - I will hope none of my kids will ever need to use it. But my uncle is an attorney and while it doesn’t apply to everytime you deal with police, but the last thing I would want is them to be intimidated or scared witless, so it’s best to have drummed this into them. Unless they become attorneys, to think they know best in a legal situation is to not recognize your own limitations.</p>
<p>And perhaps I should clarify: it’s not like I don’t want them to be held accountable for actions. It’s just that sometimes complete honesty is not the best policy within the legal system. And lying, even about something trivial, would be even worse on a ton of levels. Since you never know what the agenda of the police may be when you’re in that kind of situation, it’s best to have someone (an attorney) with whom you CAN be 100% honest and know your best interests are represented. And if they are not, then you have legal recourse with your representation. </p>
<p>So…it’s simple: just keep your mouth shut, stay calm and say, “I hope to be helpful to you once I speak to an attorney but I cannot talk to you until then. The sooner I get one, the sooner I can be helpful.” The minute you ask, they can no longer question you. Let’s just say that when they say, “anything you say can be used against you in a court of law” it’s not an idle threat. And really - All you have to do is watch a few episodes of law and order to know that! :)</p>
<p>JRZmom, great advice. We talked about this yesterday, and he liked the idea of tutoring. We have a number of options and will explore Monday. He’s applied for a job and already spoken to the manager and is awaiting a phone call (local grocery). We’re trying to determine which online “school” to choose for him to finish his AP courses (APEX online, Ctr. for Independent Learning at Univ. of Missouri are the two that appear to be highly regarded and have his APs, not BC Calc, but they do have AB Calc). Last night we had a dinner here and I was so proud of the way he stepped up to the plate and looked adults in the eye and told them what happened, unprompted. He spoke with ease and maturity. I think he has grown tremendously in this short week. Their support was overwhelming. In spite of the ache in our hearts at what might have been, we are very proud of our son. Now, if I can just get him to pick up those jeans off the bathroom floor! As for the lawyer comment, Modadunn, surely you are not suggesting that when he was called in to the head’s office that he was to suggest he not speak until getting a lawyer? I don’t agree with that at all. He was called in and asked what happened over the weekend. He told the entire story, the truth. Others did not come forward. They have to live with that.</p>
<p>Your son made a mistake and from this he will have learned far more than any school could have taught him. He will be admitted to a great college and look back on this as a pivotal moment. You sound like a lovely family.</p>
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<p>EPGY has Calculus broken up into 3 quarters A, B and C.
epgy.stanford.edu.</p>
<p>[Out</a> Of State Online Middle and Online High School Courses by Florida Virtual School (FLVS)](<a href=“http://www.flvs.net/areas/flvscourses/Pages/Course%20Catalog/courselisting-outofstate.aspx?CourseID=1093]Out”>http://www.flvs.net/areas/flvscourses/Pages/Course%20Catalog/courselisting-outofstate.aspx?CourseID=1093)</p>
<p>Florida Virtual School offers classes to in-state and out of state students. They offer Calc BC. While they suggest it will take 32-36 weeks, I can tell you that you can work at a pace faster at FVS with ease. You can call to ask. They don’t let you fall behind, but in my daughters experiences, you can work through the classes at a more rapid pace without difficulty. If all he will be taking is English and Calc BC, my guess is that he will have no problem completing the course in a semester.</p>
<p>With FVS you can begin a class at any time once they have an opening. This is a newer class (they have had AB for many years) and I suspect he can sign up and begin now.</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.flvs.net/areas/elearning/Pages/U.S.%20and%20WORLDWIDE/GlobalSchool.aspx[/url]”>http://www.flvs.net/areas/elearning/Pages/U.S.%20and%20WORLDWIDE/GlobalSchool.aspx</a></p>
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<p>Not at all! I would have handled your situation exactly as you have (or at least hope I would). I thought I had been clear to say when I first made the comment that a school was quite different from a legal situation (like being arrested). My son would have also been honest to a headmaster, which is what he’s been raised to do. I would have done exactly as you have done - and never even considered hiring an attorney and didn’t agree with the few posters who suggested it. </p>
<p>What I referred to was advice we’ve given our kids as non-negotiables - no drinking and driving ever and if you are arrested or otherwise detained by the POLICE to ask to speak to an attorney. While we have raised them to be honest and forthcoming, this attitude might not be the best policy if they are arrested. When the police (and freedoms) are involved, trying to explain yourself might cause yourself more trouble. And again, HOPEFULLY we will never have to find out! (knocking on wood now!)</p>