Hello parents (I don’t really where this discussion would fit best),
I’m currently a junior at a fairly ultra-competitive public high school, and I do not feel happy here at all. The atmosphere is really competitive, you can’t really hangout and have fun with friends even if you do have friends since everyone is studying 24/7 and only getting 4 hours of sleep every night. This has made me unhappy throughout most of my high school career, and I get jealous and envious of high school students at other school who have time to spend 1 or 2 hours with friends afterschool and spend their lunch times with their friends rather than cramming with good extracurricular activities. I’m a relatively smart person (I’ve only chosen to take AP Calculus BC this year because I don’t like so much stress, and I just want to go to a fairly good (but not Ivy League level) school) . I have never really had a good high school experience, so I am just determined to make the most of my senior year, have fun with friends and such like that. Therefore, I have narrowed down my senior year to three options:
stay at my high school and make the most of it
transfer to a neighboring public high school that more fits my personality and tastes
apply for a study abroad program in France, and attend and graduate from a French high school
Stay at my high school.
Obviously this is the most likely scenario. I do have a fairly good group of friends here, but they are also the kind of people to study all the time at lunch and afterschool, so it's not like I can get Starbucks with them afterschool or go off-campus with them at lunch since they are also competitive. This makes me feel very lonely, and I know that I will continue to feel this way. I have chosen not to take a gazillion AP classes, but I have found part-time job as a tutor everyday afterschool since I can't do anything with my friends anyways. I just feel extremely isolated and lonely at this school all the time (especialy sophomore year)
Transfer to neighboring high school.
I feel like this would be a good thing to do for me because I am really sick and tired of the atmosphere at my own high school. It is a competitive war zone, and I am genuinely sad that I don't go to a a different high school. I have become depressed due to my school atmosphere since sophomore year (clinically), and I just feel like a change in pace and atmosphere would do the trick, like transferring to a new high school. I would love to meet new people in a new high school setting, and this is literally my last chance in my whole life to do that. I want to look back at my high school life 30 years from now and smile a big fat smile because I took a big Leap of Faith like this to experience something new. New year, new school, new me. End my childhood on a happy note. (in fact, I have wanted to do this last year, but I changed my mind at the last second because I just wasn't very sure).
Study Abroad in France
I actually threw a tantrum to do this at my parents constantly to do this. However, they strongly rejected because I wanted to do this last minute, and I conceded because I felt like I was just being emotional and unreasonable at the moment. However, I still continue to yearn to do this for over a year, so I know that this is something I would probably not regret. I have saved up enough money to pay for half of all my expenses if I were to go, and my French level is exceptional for a third-year French student (I can understand the radio and TV extremely well, and I have conversed with French people in French with relative ease, and people from Quebec have said that I have a Parisian accent!!!!) but the point is, I would not fall behind on my studies because of a language barrier. Studying abroad in France would also be an extremely good idea because I really want to experience high school life in France, and again, this would be my last chance AND the chance of a lifetime to STUDY ABROAD IN HIGH SCHOOL, and I do plan on applying to both French universities AND public UC colleges (with a slight lean towards the former). If it makes it difficult to graduate, I can just stay in France, take the Bac (Ill study hard of course), and continue on with University here.
Please weigh in on your opinions for which one you think would be great and why? This is really important to me. I am not a “settle down, study to get into a good college, get a Ph.D, get a stable job and follow the crowd” kind of person. I want to do something adventurous, make new friends at a new high school, or go abroad in high school, experience new things. I am not throwing away my academics. I do maintain a high 3.85 un-weighted GPA and around a 4.15 weighted GPA and I have gotten a 1510 on the new SAT. Thanks!!!
Okay, so you change schools for one year. Your fantasies of your social life are just that. By the final year of HS students already have their own groups of friends. How will you place yourself into these social groups? They will not need to make friends with you, they already have theirs with a shared history. Forget the big smile for trying to bully your way into social groups who have no reason to include you. Plus you will not be in your assigned school district so distances could be a problem- why go further to be with you?
See where I am going with this?
I understand why your parents are against the year abroad. btw- you may need to finish some HS credits to get your home (US) school diploma.
Why are you so concerned with what others do? Just do your own thing. Study as hard/little as you feel you need to to learn the material. Forget about the rest of the students- do your own thing. How do you know most are only getting minimal sleep? I’ll bet not all students fall into this category. I am sure your knowledge base of both schools is flawed. The grass is always greener… phenomenon.
Many of us had less than desirable social lives in HS. It was interesting for me to discover that spring of senior year we were all maturing enough and more secure in our own selves to look beyond cliques (I was not in any). I also was able to figure out that the groups typically revolved around kids who came from the same elementary school/neighborhood- they just hung out with people they knew and lived close to.
I think your parents are wise to not let you transfer anywhere. You need to reexamine your expectations. Learn that the HS world and how “wonderful” your senior year of HS is is not at all how your life will go as an adult. Even ten years from now you will realize so much you don’t now. Having the best childhood or being uber studious does not mean a happy future. You will find your place. Even the gifted students fall into their place- some work crazy hard and others do not.
I changed HS’s midway through for similar reasons. Although I had a nice friend group and was doing OK, I really hated the uber-competitive focus on math, math, math and resented that non-seniors could not be on the school paper. I have never regretted my decision, which was made 40 years ago. OTOH, I had no prayer of going to any school other than a CUNY anyway for financial reasons so the fact that I transferred to a less competitive HS didn’t have any impact on my ultimate college decision. It did, however, vastly improve the quality of my life during the rest of my HS career.
As for studying abroad, I would save that for college.
Wow, are you my child? I hate her HS, but am worried that if she changes her senior year, she will hurt herself for college admissions. - her counselor and teacher recommendations will be generic from a new school that won’t know her that long. I understand Wiz75’s “grass isn’t greener” argument, but sometimes it is. At this point, I think if you change schools you won’t have any friends senior year, so you have to assess whether it’s better to be friendless, or have friends in name only who are emotional wrecks. Without knowing you, my thought is its probably better to tough it out for another year, and do something really fun over the summers. And, is there any kind of outside of school kids group in your area that would be interesting to you and fun to join?
Sorry your HS experience has been tough. Remember, though, that junior year is usually the worst as far as pressure and workload. The first half of senior year can be very stressful as well, with kids trying to fit in a competitive schedule and keep up their grades along with applying to colleges, But after mid-terms, the pressure usually drops off as kids know the grades don’t “count” in admission decisions (and as long as they don’t totally bomb out acceptances will not be rescinded). The exception would be the straight A kids trying to keep that up.
While the adjacent high school may be less pressured overall, it might not be that different among the “top” students and that may be where you find yourself. It can be difficult to jump into a friend group at the start of senior year. Do you know any kids already at that school? Is it preferable to have no friends or just superficial friends at the new school to perhaps being able to hang out more with your existing friends? I would also guess there are other students at your high school that feel the same way. Maybe you can find new friends there that will not be so driven (you may have to look beyond the most competitive students). My kids went to that sort of HS but found friends that were just not as driven.