<p>There have been some sexual assault happening on campus recently and my mom is getting very concerned. I'm supposed to be meeting with a tutor (graduate student) who happens to be a guy and she doesn't trust anyone so she wants to sit in on our tutoring session in his office to make sure everything is ok. I understand that she's worried but I think she is just overdoing it. Plus, honestly I think it's kind of embarrassing. </p>
<p>What do you guys think I should do? </p>
<p>I was a graduate teaching assistant (and a married man) quite a few years back. My policy was to meet at the office. I think there was one time I met outside but it was a male student during a spring break. So I agree with your mom.</p>
<p>Thanks for your reply! I guess my concern is if it’s a bit awkward if my mom sits in my tutor’s office while he is teaching me?</p>
<p>That sounds totally bizarre. Is this tutoring session planned for “normal” office hours when other people will be in the building? If its after dark, the more rational worry would be walking to the building, not that your tutor is luring you there to assault you. If your mother lives nearby and wants to be close, can you convince her to just walk you from the car to the building, then park her in a lobby or other public place?</p>
<p>This is a private tutoring session in his office. @VSGPeanut101 </p>
<p>I really don’t think you need to worry…so a college student can’t meet a tutor who works for the university at his university office without having her mom with her? That sounds pretty over the top…if your mom didn’t live in the same town where you attend college, would you just have to forgo tutoring altogether? </p>
<p>Sorry, yes I understood that this was a tutoring session in the office. I meant that your mother being in the session sounded bizarre, not the tutoring plan. Adults (even high school students) do not have parents sitting in on student teacher meetings on school grounds. I can only assume there is some cultural issue or anxiety disorder on her part. My advice is to find a way to placate her fears and not have her in the tutors office.</p>
<p>Depending on your instructor’s understanding of the law, a meeting with your mother present shouldn’t even occur without you signing a FERPA waiver first. (FERPA should not be waived verbally.) That alone should tell you how weird an idea this is.</p>
<p>If you are concerned, meet during the day when there are likely to be people in the hall, and ask that the door be left open a little bit. A lot of male instructors keep the door open when meeting with a female student anyway; they feel that the risk of sexual harassment accusations is too great to meet behind closed doors.</p>
<p>ETA. In my whole career as a graduate instructor and professor, going back to 1986, I have met with a student and a family member exactly ONCE. And the student could not hide her utter embarrassment. </p>
<p>OP, I am sorry. I missed that mom sit in the office because I was multi-tasking (ie distracted when I read that sentence). That is crazy. I would though however look for an escort back to your car. Most college have some sort of escort especially when there are assaults.</p>
<p>Your mom really is overreacting. </p>
<p>I know this sounds horrible, but maybe you can tell your mom a friend decided to come with you just to lull her worries?</p>
<p>@WasatchWriter Oh really? I didn’t know that. Does that apply to all schools?</p>
<p>@harvestmoon Yeah the thing is that she doesn’t let me get away that easily… She would probably need to meet this “friend” first</p>
<p>@SouthernHope No, if she lived elsewhere I could probably still have tutoring since I didn’t have a choice. But since she’s here with me, she is literally doing everything she can to “protect” me. She even mentioned that she wants to meet with all my profs, make friends with them, and invite them to dinner or something…</p>
<p>That sounds ridiculous. I’m a private math tutor, and if a student showed up to a session with their parent, I would cancel it. I do not want a tutees parent staring over my shoulder to make sure I don’t try to rape her child. That would honestly be quite offensive. </p>
<p>How would you explain it to him when she walks in with you? “This is my mother. She’s here to make sure you don’t try to sexually assault me.”</p>
<p>Yeah, that’s going to be a comfortable tutoring session. </p>
<p>Well she wouldn’t outright say that. It would be more casual I guess. @comfortablynumb </p>
<p>I can’t think of a single logical reason to use as an excuse. There would be nothing ‘casual’ about a parent showing up with a student for a tutoring session. </p>
<p>@brainyhipster22 there is nothing casual about a parent being in a meeting with your tutor or a professor. It shouldn’t happen ever. Professors don’t want to get to know your parents- they won’t (or shouldn’t) accept your mom’s offer. That would be a conflict of interest on their part, on par with dating a student or teaching their child (although the latter has some exceptions). And yes, the FERPA waiver applies to all schools- it’s federal law. Many colleges will not even talk to a parent if they call to ask about their student unless your parent has concerns about suicidal or homicidal thoughts, in which case they would talk to you separately afterwards to make sure you are ok.</p>
<p>About as casual as one could be is to say mom is with me due to the recent sexual assaults. But I would never tutor anyone with their parent in the room.</p>
<p>Absolutely positively not. If you are REALLY worried that he is some kind of predator, you ask a friend to go with you and read a book outside his office with the door open. when you are getting help. You also could ask him to help you in a more public place (I’m shocked a grad student has an office…)</p>
<p>One of the safety things that is often recommended when there is a perceived threat on a campus is making sure to walk around campus at least in twos, and we even had some frats that would offer to walk groups of girls home (never only one person escorting one other if they didn’t know each other).</p>
<p>Tell your mom to chill. She needs to NOT be seen on campus with you, especially in an academic setting. But offer up that you will make sure to go with a friend. Bribe your friend as you will. I do think as your mom, she should have some say - having a friend accompany you and hang out outside his office is a reasonable and not “weird” solution.</p>
<p>As for FERPA - they do NOT train professors well in it, so I really doubt if the guy is a grad student, the university has said boo about it to him. </p>
<p>It will never cease to amaze me how much parents can overreact to sensationalized news. </p>
<p>I am a GSI. I would never, ever meet with a student about academic issues if his/her parents were there for a variety of reasons. </p>
<p>I <em>would</em> be open to meeting my student in a public place. I am a sexual assault survivor. I can understand not being comfortable meeting in a closed office, especially if it is off-hours or there’s another reason why there aren’t lots of people around. </p>
<p>Is this a possibility? Can you meet in a cafe or something? </p>