I don’t know where to start. I am seventeen years old. Starting at a very young age, around five maybe, I started having severe panic attacks. I finally got diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. On top of that, I’ve dealt with depression and severe emetophobia. Emetophobia is the intense fear of vomit and anything pertaining to it. I have had that my whole life. It seems that something is always going on in my life. I am a great student, I have always had amazing grades. I went to preschool, a public elementary school, a public middle school, all of which I struggled through anxiety-wise. My first day at a public high school was horrible. I suffered so badly. I came home and said to my mom, “I want to kill myself. If you weren’t home, I would’ve done it.” She pulled me out of that school the next day. Mind you, that high school had probably less than 1500 students but I couldn’t handle it. I ended up at a tiny school, with about thirteen students. It has changed my life. My anxiety is still horrible, and so is my emetophobia. My depression has been okay. Anyway, I am so ahead in credits that I am enrolled in a community college class starting February 3rd. I agreed to it. Now, I am having severe regrets. I know I can’t handle it. I’m beating myself up over this, badly. I wanted to become a radiologist or something high up in the medical field, despite my phobia. My anxiety gets so bad and makes me forget almost everything, and I feel so physically sick all the time. I am just so stuck right now. Does anyone have any advice for me? I really don’t know what to do. I really appreciate it. I’m so sorry for this being so out of order but I have been seeing a therapist for probably ten years now, a psychiatrist for maybe seven years, and I’ve been on medication for probably seven years as well. I am pretty content, I try to stay positive. I have a huge family (my mom has five sisters) which means a lot of cousins. I have three other cousins my age, two boys and a girl. They are all going to college. I am always compared to them in the first place, but I feel like it’ll get a lot worse if I don’t go to college. I am trying to lose some weight and I just don’t think it’s in my best interest to go right now. Maybe I’ll take a year off of school. Maybe five years. Maybe I’ll never go. I just feel like I’ll end up homeless or something. It seems like all the high paying jobs want someone with a college degree. Even Verizon Wireless associates need to have a college degree to work there. I just need some guidance…
Your problems sound pretty significant. I think you need to discuss these concerns with your therapist and psychologist. You need to think carefully about what kind of job you could be happy and successful in with the challenges you face. If you can barely face the idea of taking a cc class, I’m not convinced that the many years of highly competitive and stressful training required to become a radiologist is appropriate for you.
The other thing I would consider is seeing some different doctors. It sounds like after even many years of care your symptoms are not being controlled. Perhaps a different doctor would have a more successful approach. At least make sure your current doctors understand how bad your symptoms are. Perhaps they would also have some different treatments that might work better for you.
Thank you. Now that I really think about it, I don’t think college is for me. Maybe one day it will be. I will look into talking to my doctors and seeing some different ones.