<p>I'm a current undergraduate double majoring in Computer Engineering and Physics. I currently have a 3.94 GPA. However, this semester is just a mess. I have a lot of burnout from consistently taking a lot of hours, research/extracurriculars, drain of motivation....and the worst of them all...my mother is on life support. She was diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago. Initially we all thought she beat it shortly after, but it was metastatic and reappeared. My parents lied to me about her condition this summer while I was taking summer classes so I wouldn't be stressed, but my father broke the news with me mid-September. I'm having the hardest time of my life right now. My focus and ambition is a 0%, and I'm just socializing on campus and wasting time to get my mind off of it. I can't sit down and study, because it requires me to be myself, and usually I end up thinking about my mother.</p>
<p>This semester, I'm taking 18 hours. My grades are sort of approaching toilet level marks (some are good) relative to my past performance and future aspirations (I want to be a research scientist and work on methods of perfecting electronic hardware for performance, memory, etc.) </p>
<p>Modern Physics- 97, high A
Linear Algebra- 83, low B
Partial Differential Equations- 88, mid B
Signal Processing- 74, Worst class ever, depressing atmosphere, 8:00 A.M. in the morning
Data Communications Engineering- 91
Optics- 93</p>
<p>Some classes are easy because of a good support system I have, etc. But, some classes in my major, like signal processing and linear algebra, are approaching garbage marks. </p>
<p>I have a USAF Scholarship and an old internship at Fermi National Accelerator Labs in Illinois. I really want to be a scientist when I graduate after I go on to graduate school, but I'm at a point where I've burned out, and I have lost it all. I feel like next week when I have tests in Data Communications and Linear Algebra, I'm going to be at a point where I have 2 C's and 2 B's, and I'll slowly chisel down to a slippery slope of poor performance.</p>
<p>I need something to reignite my flare. My classes are progressing faster and faster, and I'll get caught in the dust soon. I'm not a lazy person, but I feel like I'm in a life changing situation, I've battled suicide twice since school started.</p>
<p>I feel like a counselor is useless, I'm too embarrassed to expose myself 100% to my friends, and I don't trust neuro-meds....please, any suggestions?</p>