FWIW, I did not perceive any sense of superiority in your OP or responses. I agree with those who recommend giving it some time. My daughter didn’t hit her stride till 2nd semester sophomore year, when she finally focused her academic interest and was in uniformly upper level courses with like-minded students and engaging professors. I also do think the idea of college as “the best 4 years of your life” - at any school - is an oversell by nostalgic adults. It can be a great 4 years, but if not, you can at least hopefully have a great learning experience (both academically and personally).
It’s been awhile since I completed college and I did not attend an Ivy League institution, but here is my 2 cents re: your question:
- First, the college experience is a lot more than going to an amazing place and meeting amazing people.
- Some parts of college are really really fun. Not having to come home by a certain hour, for starters. No curfew! YAY!
- College parties. Some of those are fun. Some are not so much fun. It can really depend.
- Sure, you will meet a LOT of interesting people. Some of those people might end up your best buds for the rest of your life. Some you might be friends with for a little while and then your lives with take separate paths.
- College is not always a mind-blowing, Earth-shattering, amazingly awesome experience with mental fireworks every day.
- Sometimes it's just plain old hard work.
- Sometimes you have to take classes that are boring. Or they're taught by boring professors. Or you might end up with a TA who is a total tool.
- Sometimes you have to take a class that you really despise. But it's a graduation requirement so you have no choice. Stuff like this I kind of put into the category of 'character building experience.' It's something you have to do in order to cross the finish line and get the degree and graduate.
- Sometimes you will meet some real ***holes...especially in the dorm/apartment roommate/hall-mate department. This falls under the category of "growing intellectually, but not in the traditional classroom-book way." It's growing intellectually in terms of stuff like maturity, emotional intelligence, how to deal with difficult people, how to negotiate with others who you really can't stand...these are all things that you will encounter out in the 'real world' once you enter the work force after college graduation. You WILL end up having to work with some real jerks and some of those types of people you encounter in college. I ended up living for 2 years in an apartment with 2 girls who were a couple of the most passive-aggressive & manipulative, backstabbing people I've ever met. I learned a lot from that experience and I'm grateful for having gone through it.
- A fair number of college freshmen enter their university with their same old high school hang ups. They might be trying to recreate their high school experience - cliques and all. It's ridiculous and pretentious and really irritating. Ignore them. I know, easier said than done. But recognize it for what it is - they are out of their element and desperately trying to find a way to fit in in a world that they don't understand yet.
- some college freshmen, on the flip side of the coin, are desperately trying to reinvent themselves and shed whatever horrible high school label they had from 12th grade.
- Yet other college students are trying on lots of different identities in order to find one that 'fits,' kind of like trying on several pairs of shoes before you find one that fits right. They flit from 1 club to another. What they announced was amazing and cool one week might be stupid & lame a few weeks later, leaving you wondering what planet they're from because it's clearly not Earth. This is ok, too. It's kind of what college is for...trying different things out. Sometimes, though, college students do not communicate that very effectively with their peers.
- And sometimes you have a professor who is just a totally strange person or nut job. Like my professor for the Shakespeare class that I took. His lectures were very entertaining. As each lecture progressed, he became more entertaining because his water bottle was full of vodka instead of water. He was a big time alcoholic and let 4-letter words out on a regular basis. Yet other professors might have hardly any public speaking skills at all, leaving you wondering why the university doesn't just keep them in a dark and quiet lab at the back of the building so nobody has to deal with them. Stuff like this I also kind of lump into the category of "slog through it because it'll put hair on your chest and it'll make for great stories later in life."
I wouldn’t have traded my college experience for anything in the world. Hang in there.
I don’t understand the suggestions to seek professional help.
The OP listed concerns such as:
- other kids not participating in class
- other kids binge drinking
The OP stated s(he) is getting good grades
What purpose would a counselor serve?
The counselor could probably help with this bit: “But for me, it seems like there isn’t a fix for the problems I see at the school I am attending,” and this one: “how it feels to have classes where nobody really talks, the isolation, etc.” At least to show possible steps forward that OP hasn’t thought of yet.
EVERY college - large or small - is going to have students who binge drink. Just because others do it doesn’t mean you have to as well. Every college also has students who don’t participate in class. It’s their loss because the students who DO participate in class are those who the professors will remember…which, if you are diligent about it, can lead down the road to research projects with that professor (assuming you go to office hours and stuff like that).
Their loss is your gain.
College is what YOU make of it.
So case in point from personal experience:
I went to UCSB and got a BA in Psychology. Most of my classes, even upper division, were on the large side. A small class would be 40-60 students. I worked my butt off in some classes junior year and the professor mentioned another professor through the Graduate School of Education who was doing some cool research in different treatments for alcoholism and they were looking for interns. Not a paid internship, mind you. So I inquired about it and interviewed with the professor. I basically ended up doing data entry for months on end. It was pretty mindless work. BUT I showed up on time, did my work diligently, and 1 of the professor’s lead graduate students asked the professor to include me in the research submission that they were sending to the “American Psychologist” research journal.
Can you say holy cr**? I certainly did. Believe me…the internship work I did for them was not cutting edge or exciting or interesting in any way at all. But as a senior, I got published in American Psychologist.
You know who does NOT get opportunities like that? The students who never go to class because they are too sick from their hangover from partying too hard 5 nights a week. Or the students who show up to class but they are pretty much house plants.
BUT if you are engaged in the discussion, get good grades on the tests, papers, midterms, etc., opportunities might open up for you.
Example #2:
I took an advanced psych statistics class as a junior and did well in the class. The professor invited me to take a graduate psych statistics the next quarter with a bunch of grad students. Only 2 other undergrads were in the class. That class was really awesome and I learned a LOT! Then when that quarter was done, she invited myself and 2 other students to assist her in a research project that had to do with math test anxiety in elementary school children. We got to go to schools and do stuff with elementary school kids. It was a lot of fun and the data analysis was fascinating. Both experiences were really interesting.
YOU have the power within you to make it a positive experience. Just because a few people around you are being buttheads doesn’t mean that you should throw in the towel and go elsewhere.
@dancelance, I’m sorry you’ve had a rough time. I too would urge you to go to the college counseling center and do some hard thinking about what has been disappointing and what it is you are hoping for. I’m especially concerned that you think “there isn’t a fix for the problems I see at the school I am attending.”
Sadly, sometimes your feeling about a school that first year comes down to luck. If you live with people you like, life seems good. If you don’t get along with the people living close by in your dorm, it’s much harder. Perhaps that’s why you feel that high school pettiness has followed you to college. Hopefully, you will be able to make a change next year.
Maybe you are taking the wrong classes. Did you take a freshman seminar? If not, look into taking something analogous next year. Consider different subject areas as well. Have you talked to an advisor? After the counseling center, make your way over to a peer advisor or an academic advisor and ask for help in choosing at least one class that engages you.
Maybe you are not involved in activities that would bring you fulfillment. Try something new next year. Attend one of the many amazing talks offered and reach out to people you would like to get to know. I think you’ll find that pushing yourself to get involved and go after what you want, even when it’s uncomfortable, offers you the greatest likelihood of finding happiness. That’s going to be true at every school and it’s going to be true throughout your life.
Give yourself some time. I hope things look better soon.
A student can have a bad experience at any school. Most often they either have not been able to establish a friend group, or are struggling with grades. OP says his grades are fine, so I guess friend group.
A counselor may be able to help a student identify clubs or groups where they are likely to fit in and find others with common interests.
Emphasis added to that word is mine to highlight the focus of my response. To me, at least, this indicates that you are taking the word “counselor” to mean a professional psychiatric session. I think that while this take on it is understandable, it isn’t what I meant nor is it the only role of college counselors. Like academic advisors for classes, these people can simply use their experience and knowledge to provide students who are struggling socially with suggestions on how to better achieve their social goals. Simple as that, really.
Hey, OP, if you really want “some people who are willing to do something crazy and fun” get on your walking boots. Then there are several routes you can take but the fastest may be to take Massachusetts Ave until the scenery changes. When attire changes from preppy to chill you will be at a place where students do things that are crazy, fun and worth while. (read with humor, yes this post reflects stereotypes to some extent). Seriously, this may be your answer: http://tech.mit.edu/V132/N35/loveletter.html
I also maintain that starting with a counselor or counselors is a very sound idea. But then I’m talking about starting with the college counseling center not a psychiatrist and my intent was to get the OP to understand in a deeper and more honest way what has been missing from the experience, why it’s been missing, and then how to find a better way forward.
Hi guys, with finals coming up, I may a little late in responding. I just wanted to say that believe it or not, I’m probably one of the most proactive people you’ll meet, and I love solving problems and self-improvement (lol).
After a difficult first semester, I went to see the free counseling of my own volition, and it’s been great to know someone that way. I’ve been to counseling for several months and it’s been super helpful especially when discussing the social scene here and academic difficulties.
But, from what I can discern I do feel I have to explain things about the college, because there seems to be slight “gap” between what students know, and what the professionals know about things here (they aren’t an independent counselor, but school appointed ones). So you have to explain a lot, and they don’t necessarily know that to do. Nevertheless, I’ve made great personal progress in dealing with these issues. But, for example, the social isolation that stems from my housing is something that cannot be addressed just by joining clubs. Because, if you guys didn’t know, clubs are exclusive here and require lengthy application processes. Or the lack of guidance I feel here, and how difficult it is to feel part of your classes here. I often feel like I’m floating in or out, which contrasts with my rich high school experience characterized by amazing teacher.
Any more troubling, I’ve confirmed through so many older students, and the counselor, the things i am not going through are not arbitrary, but are things that so many people experience. I wish I could tell you how many times I’ve thrown my arm in the air when talking to older students about how similar our experiences here–e.g. how isolated we felt freshman year. The minute things were wrong, I began to intensely probe and self-reflect, and my disillusionment cannot just be willed away.
And no worries, I take no offense. People here have been suggesting a counselor/social worker/therapist figure, which I see, as opposed to a psychiatrist. It makes sense and no offense taken.
I really would like to explain more as I see this question in becoming increasingly vague. But if I could sum up here, something just doesn’t feel right. And often I feel like I’m floating through campus. I’ve signed up to join two clubs that are pretty intensive, thus should help me find a really strong community next year. But with lackluster classes, and just the difficulty to get close to people has been hard to feel engaged. It’s true that I joined these clubs this semester, and thus didn’t have that experience last semester, but we will see. Also maybe declaring my major will help.
It’s been a long time since I was an undergraduate, but it was not the best four years of my life! I’d go home for the holidays and see high school friends who were positively oozing love for their college experiences, and I’d wonder why the heck I didn’t feel that way. Having a few decades of perspective on that time, here are a couple of the things that I’d offer to you…
Other people may not be loving school as much as they say; don’t use that as a standard.
Who you live with and near is totally random. Unfortunately, it can also have a big impact on your day to day happiness. Next year could be completely different in that regard.
If the way you learn is to be engaged, big lecture classes will not be fun. If that’s the case, figure out how to get into classes that make you feel a part of them. For some people, this may be doing lab work, for others, it could be a seminar or a language class.
Try hard to find activities that you like, not that just fill the time. You’ll have more fun with the other people doing them.
Mostly, though, remember that of all the years, freshman year is likely to be the most stressful – everything is new, you’re living with strangers, you’re in big intro classes with a bunch of people who are all as smart as you are, your cohort is developing its own social norms and they’re not what you’re used to, etc. It has all the makings of AWFUL! You only need a handful of kindred souls to process this with, and then the journey becomes fun. Finding them is hard, but the advice to figure out how to do so is probably best. You sound like a pretty sane and grounded person; you need to find your kind.
Joining the clubs, living in a new house, making progress in your major, and showing a continued willingness to meet new people–it will all help. It really will. Hang in there and good luck with finals.
OP, your experiences make perfect sense to me. It sounds as if you have the tools you need to make the best of it, but Harvard isn’t everyone’s cup of tea – and that’s TOTALLY FINE AND REASONABLE. Just because it has a golden reputation doesn’t mean it’s good for everyone, or that someone who doesn’t care for it isn’t trying hard enough.
For starters, almost by definition, it attracts a lot of ambitious strivers, and that’s not always the most comfortable crowd to hang with.
I soldiered through a similar institution back in the day, and while I’m fine with it all now, in hindsight, I should have looked elsewhere. Lesson learned (and hopefully passed on to my kids).
@dancelance I want to echo that you are not alone in not instantly liking Harvard. I’ve heard the same from others (and about Princeton FWIW). I’m letting you know that so that you don’t feel that there’s something wrong with you. Give yourself time to adjust. A mantra at our house is-- “Harvard doesn’t make you happy.” You clearly are a problem solver and as you said proactive. That’s not the issue! But because you have great internal tools at your disposal, I’m sure that over time you will find a comfortable community for yourself. As others have said, finding someone to talk to, even professionals, can be very useful. It’s okay to seek professional help for very small reasons, too. “Just to talk” is a good enough reason, if it makes you feel better.
I think everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
For some people, they see college as an opportunity and a ticket to a higher income in adulthood.
While others, don’t take it seriously and don’t see the rewards and benefits of finishing what they started.
Thank you everybody for the advice, I’ll take it to heart! I feel that next year as I circulate through more of the student body, I’ll run into more people and things to do. I just feel the yard isn’t as conducive to meeting people as I thought!