<p>It seems to me that the moral of this particular story is to do your research about a college before you choose. Just because a college is affiliated with a religious denomination does not mean that it has strict rules governing student behavior. If you are interested in a school with rules like that, you need to find out what the rules are, and also find out how strictly they are enforced.</p>
<p>Just as an aside, I think there are several meanings of “Christian” that create confusion. Of course, the broadest definition of “Christian” is that which relates to any Christian religion, which includes Catholic, Orthodox, Protestant, and more. But there is a narrower definition that is used in connection with schools and colleges–when somebody uses the term “Christian school” or “Christian college,” they almost always mean a school that incorporates more-or-less conservative Protestant doctrines and practices into its curriculum and student life. It doesn’t mean Catholic schools, and it doesn’t mean schools that are historically associated with (for example) the United Methodist Church but which don’t incorporate doctrines into college life at present. This doesn’t mean that Catholics or Methodists aren’t Christians–it just means that people are referring to something specific when they talk about Christian colleges.</p>
<p>OP’s original post caused some confusion, I think, because it seems she was really using the second definition.</p>
<p>Even the Christian Right pales in comparison to the conservative Christians in my hometown. We had a large population of modern Mennonites, who are socially conservative, but not always politically conservative. The conscientious objector status keeps some from being big fans of the war presidents, who are often the candidates backed by the Christian Right. Many of my classmates went to Goshen or Hesston, which they nicknamed “Mennonite Match-making Clubs”. I wonder how socially conservative the student behavior is in the dorms at those schools? (That’s a real question, by the way, not sarcasm.) I lost touch with most of my hs classmates after graduation, and they’re not on Facebook much.</p>
<p>Funny that my D, going to a large public university, has not had any of these problems. Her roommates have been totally focused on school and are not into partying/sex/drugs/booze. </p>
<p>To me, a student who keeps her roommate out of the room for significant periods of time is just plain rude. Conservative or liberal, rude is rude. Bad manners are bad in all political stripes.</p>
<p>The OP has not come back to clarify. Rereading, it just says sex is taking place in the room not that she is being sexiled. I wonder if just a sexually active roommate is too much.</p>
<p>ordinarylives, another example of how the word “conservative” or “Christian” is far, far to broad of a label and why “fit” can be very important to some posters and less important to others.</p>
<p>“Our daughter is in the process of changing roommates due to the fact that her roommate is very sexually active with various partners.”</p>
<p>Very sexually active with various partners sounds like she must be being sexiled. This doesn’t sound like a roommate with a BF. Instead it sounds like a roommate having a bunch of random hookups.</p>
<p>I agree that it may be better to leave the word “Christian” out of it and just describe it as a conflict between a sexually conservative student and a sexually liberal one.</p>
<p>I would take issue with an earlier poster who described the conservative sexual rules as arbitrary. Though they came with religious explanations in some societies, many of the same rules were adopted in non-religious societies. They have to do with avoiding unnecessary risks. With modern techniques for avoiding pregnancy and STD’s the risks may be less, but there are still significant risks. Apart from the aforementioned repercussions, while young people today try to pretend it is otherwise, it is common for the sexual experience to form an emotional bond in one of the partners though not the other, creating risks of serious emotional and relationship issues. </p>
<p>There is nothing ignorant, irrational, immature, or provincial about a student who wishes to avoid these risks and who understands that such risks, and related conflicts, may be better avoided by finding a roommate with a similar attitude.</p>
<p>We can’t control what our kids do, no matter where they end up. All we can do is trust them, once they go into the world. Unless we keep them at home, they are going to experiment and come into contact with new and different ideas, which is the point of higher education.</p>
<p>I must admit that I find it unbearably naive if you think that there is less sex on “Christian” campuses. Indeed, as strictly raised young Christians tend to receive little or no sex ed, they may even do stupider things - after all, the rate of unwanted pregnancies in the red states is higher than that in the blue ones.</p>
I think there is likely to be substantially less sex, drinking, and drug use on campuses with strong religious elements and strict rules. Many of the students agree with the rules at such schools.</p>
<p>I think the problem in this case is that the OP’s family erroneously believed that the school in question was also like this, and it isn’t.</p>
<p>Hunt, I would respectfully disagree. I have read articles that advance the argument that many “Christian” students say they agree with such rules but that their behavior is different, i.e. similar to that on any campus, perhaps with some difference in quantity but not in kind. In the end, it is up to the individual. </p>
<p>The OP’s D apparently would choose not to behave like her roommate. If that is her choice, fine. It’s her business and perfectly respectful. If she hasn’t, the OP has other problems related to control and her own belief systems. I doubt changing institutions would provide greater control. </p>
<p>I am worried about this, too, I do not mean to sound flippant. But we are going to talk to our D and let her go, equipped with condoms.</p>
<p>I agree with Hunt. I have been around several religiously-affiliated colleges with more strict rules about drinking, sex in dorm rooms, etc. There are certainly plenty of students who break the rules at those colleges. However, there are many students who want to be in a stricter college because they don’t want to be around drunk students or to room with a student who sexiles or has sex in the room with the other roommate present.</p>
<p>Personally, if I had a roommate who had sex while I was in the room, I’d be tempted to ask whether I could invite some other people in so we could all watch together. Maybe that would take care of the problem.</p>
<p>kkmama, to provide you with a little clarity - we live in So. California and our d attended a public school here in Orange County for four years. Two of her best friends are Muslim, we have many friends from various ethnic and religious backgrounds. It may also be helpful to note that we are and have been since she was young completely open about sex with her. The open dialogue and conversations have been going on for years - yes, you can wear string bikinis to the beach in the summer, have many partier friends, sexually active friends, friends with various sexual orientation and still choose abstinence and or “conservative” sexual behavior based on your Christian (or other) faith. My post is for those who are getting ready to shell out $50 k plus for private institutions that you may believe to be faith-based. KKmama, we do not live under a rock - young adults can choose whatever path they desire - our daughter has chosen hers - and yes she has been “sexiled” (locked out of room while her roommate has various “guests”.) Post was simply a gentle suggestion to those going through the app process with their young adults, and avoid what we missed.</p>
<p>austinareadad, wow, our thoughts exactly - you must be a wonderful father, and I assume you have daughters. our response to kkmama speaks a little to your insightful thoughts. it is amazing that no one on this thread has addressed the rm - a young woman who within the first few weeks of school has decided to medicate herself with sex and various partners. everyone is apparently so caught up in definitions “christianity”, “conservatism”, “liberal”, on this thread all the while this young lady is drowning.</p>
<p>I went to a conservative Christian HS because the local HS was of poor quality - our family was Christian, but of a mainline protestant variety. This school did not allow “pre-marital dancing” - not even the “leave room for the Holy Spirit” Catholic style dances! </p>
<p>When my mother, who was a HS teacher in another town, asked the principal about this policy. He said he wanted to sponsor dances, so the kids had a supervised event, but was overruled by the board of trustees (the old men). Well, if you can’t have a prom, can you think of another activity two teenagers can engage in? After two consecutive homecoming queens couldn’t crown their successors due to their pregnancies, the old men finally saw the light - my younger sister’s class was the first to have a dance!</p>