<p>I have seen a kid holding a check of 4 x 1.5 feet wide showing amount of $200,000 in front of the building. He was admitted to Air Force Academy or West Point (I can’t remember).</p>
<p>^^Saw the same type pic in our local paper when a young man at another h.s. got an academy acceptance.</p>
<p>sylvan, Once when she made one of those comments I did reply that “Most college kids don’t plan for their first job to be in Afghanistan either”. She stopped after that.</p>
<p>Snarkiness just comes in from every side no matter what, I think! We have a neighbor who just bought a second home in the Caribbean, but constantly assails the ‘rich, spoiled’ people (like me) who send their kids to private colleges. I can nod all right but I’m not sure the smile is very convincing. </p>
<p>But I like everything that allows kids some recognition. Our school only invites award winners to awards night, but there are lots-- best pastry cook, most volunteer hours-- and every one of those kids gets to shine for that minute.</p>
<p>Some of us hold this information close because we never know the reaction we’ll have to deal with, and sometimes it just doesn’t feel good–whether your news is fantastic or not-so-great. When my S was a senior, I shared information mostly with friends and relatives who don’t live in our area and have older kids or no kids at all. I found them to be the most sympathetic to disappointment and genuinely proud of success. His HS did not celebrate individual success very well, and I didn’t enjoy talking about college with prestige-obsessed parents in our area. Now, in my S’s junior year, people press me about why he changed majors a year and a half ago, ask about his grades, or tell me their children’s grades. I have standard responses that never seem to satisfy some people: He wanted to, and we think it was a great decision; he’s doing fine; how nice. I came home from a New Year’s Eve party feeling discouraged because I had to hear about someone’s child’s straight A’s (my son was pretty down about his own grades for last semester). I’m steeling myself, because the career-grad school questions will be coming soon.</p>
<p>I wish these same people asked me about my life, because I do have one!</p>
<p>Oh my goodness, livesinnewjersey, you and I are just alike! I tell people how little I paid for something because I think that is smarter than paying full price. I am a bargain shopper and would love to be able to tell people that my daughter got a full-ride to xyz school. If my daughter gets a merit based scholarship when her time rolls around, I will shout it from the rooftops. 
(and post it on here)</p>
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These ought to cover everything, geezermom, especially the last two. Is it time for a different set of acquaintances? I don’t think it’s common for people to share info about a kid’s college grades (especially considering the number of parents who never even see them). I don’t see how saying “my college junior got straight As” at a party is anything other than bragging. The kid’s 20 years old - time to stop competing for Best Kid already.</p>
<p>If someone asks how my post-college kids are doing, I’ll usually say, “Fine, how about yours?” which, in most cases, is what they want to talk about, anyway. :)</p>
<p>^^ You’re right, it’s just plain weird. And the person who said it will always be competing for Best Kid! Fortunately, most of my real friends have better things to talk about :)</p>
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<p>Just please make sure you don’t shout it within earshot of seniors or their parents who are having to deal with rejections – or worse, acceptance into a dream school without enough aid to attend. Getting a bargain on shampoo is not quite the same thing as college financial aid. When a student is trying to accept a disappointing result, it really hurts to listen to someone else doing the Gloat Dance.</p>
<p>I always think that college-picking is like a puzzle: given all the options out there, where will student X attend?</p>
<p>I loved hearing who got into which colleges, but I realize that sounded just too nosey. Still, I enjoyed getting to know so many of my son’s friends and wondered where they’d all go. Here’s my solution: I let my kids tell me. That way, I didn’t have to embarrass anyone and yet I still got to figure out how the puzzle matched up.</p>
<p>In some circles, asking about financial matters is considered rude.</p>
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<p>On one hand, I agree; on the other hand, if you’re the parent of the C student who is just getting by, doing ok, not destined for anything great but trying, what’s the point of having him sit in an assembly and hear the names of the top 20 students winning award after award after award for math and science and English and language and history and what-not? It’s not going to motivate him – he won’t be able to get there, no matter how hard he tries.</p>
<p>In my view, it is really important to find a good friend or family member with whom one can discuss everything. Then it is much less tempting to announce good news to other people who don’t really care or who might feel resentful or discouraged when hearing your news.</p>
<p>I am blessed to have a mother who calls me once a week and a good friend with similarly-gifted children with whom I walk twice a week. I can get good or bad news out of my system without boring others!</p>
<p>I wouldn’t dream of asking acquaintances the amounts of their children’s scholarships.</p>
<p>It is kind of different in a few circles I run in- in homeschooling circles, I keep trying to telling others how expensive college is, how to get merit aid, and other options. I will use my kids as examples and our financial situation. Why? Because we don’t have guidance counselors or anybody else except people who came before us and decided to help others. I am paying back the debt I feel to other homeschoolers who came before me and helped all of us now going through these things. </p>
<p>The other group I share such information is military parents. Why? Because we all know what we make anyway (based on rank, years and whether you get special pay) and we have special concerns like instate tuition while stationed in a state and post 911 GI Bill.</p>
<p>pizzagirl, I think you are right about the award assemblies. I have two kids, one the high achiever and the other the avg. student. So I see it all from both perspectives. </p>
<p>Thankfully, our h.s. has it’s senior awards program at night (so it’s not a schoolwide assembly). Notices are sent in advance to those who will be receiving an award or scholarship. So if a senior doesn’t get a notice in the mail, they and their parents know there is no point in them going to sit for hours in a crowded gym watching other kids gets awards. S1 got a notice so we went. S2 didn’t get a notice so we stayed at home.</p>
<p>At S’s graduation ceremony in '09 they listed in the program ALL the scholarships awarded to each student regardless of whether the student planned to attend the awarding institution. Before graduation, S had the good taste to only provide the guidance counselor with the merit awards given by the school he planned to attend. Following graduation I did send a note to his guidance counselor listing all the merit awards in case they wanted the information for their records. </p>
<p>Senior D has already received one offer of merit aid, and when pressed by a nosey parent, I just explained that it was the “President’s Award”. The parent can go to the college scholarship website and look it up if she really needs to know the amount.</p>
<p>I took the tip from my son…he was quiet about most of his acceptances and did not shout out about merit awards…He knew lots of kids who would be thrilled to get the offers he had and it is particularly hard when they can guess from his zip code that he could pay full freight at these schools. Note: the highschool NEVER reveals who gets what aid with the only exceptions being national awards (not school specific) like the Gates, cocacola, national merit, etc. which are publically announced. The school paper does publish senior plans (what college, which branch of the armed forces, job, gap year etc) that students provide for the last edition but only if students respond to the questionnaire. </p>
<p>The only result S did publish on April 1 was his “acceptance” to an Ivy…he was rejected but posted on FB a perfect mockup of an acceptance letter from the Ivy! Absolutely got me…I was flabbergasted since I had told him that the application was a bit of a waste since it was way too far a reach. I high fived and whooped and apologized for doubting him before he cracked up and revealed it was an april fool’s joke. </p>
<p>Revealing responses to his posting ensued…his close friends quickly guessed that it was a joke and responded with rude remarks about what that meant for the selectivity of said Ivy… but there were amazingly snarky remarks from other fb “friends” about my son being the beneficiary of URM status (good to know where the latent racism resides) …the rare few who had truly been accepted offered words of welcome (despite the possibility that the value of their ivy education was to be degraded by S’s attendance) and even more sweetly, a number of the rejected students seemed to be honestly thrilled that an acknowledged very long shot eccentric kid had apparently been admitted… Almost everyone seemed to enjoy the joke since most kids got rejected that day from lots of their choices. Several had my S mock up their “acceptances” and exorcised some of their disappointment by changing the wording in the letters to be even more ridiculous…have the Ivy beg for their attendance, mention their incredible talents in procrastination, frisbee, and bull## etc. A good time was had by all…</p>
<p>^^ lovely! Perfect, really.</p>
<p>We have senior and underclass award nights-- only kids getting awards are invited so if you’re sitting there, you’re getting something. But it’s still a full enough house. Sports awards are a different assembly (one I’ll never see, haha.) Last year the automated phone system had a glitch and half the kids who were supposed to be there were never told… it was sad!</p>
<p>Oh, don’t get me wrong–I have no desire whatsoever to make anyone sit through the awards assemblies. I just wish they’d *publish *the names of the kids who win the awards–not just academic awards, but the awards at the sports banquet, at the music department dinner, at the drama department year-end celebration, and at the academic assemblies. Why wouldn’t those go into the school paper, at the very least? It just seems odd that it’s practically hush-hush who got the MVP award for the basketball team and who was the outstanding art student.</p>
<p>I am glad to see this thread. I am actually avoiding some (former?) friends who can’t contain these kinds of questions–it has gotten particularly uncomfortable since the school announced the kid’s recent academic awards; now there is an expectation of great admissions, merit awards, etc. Who needs that kind of pressure? Relative strangers are asking where the kid is applying–why is it anyone else’s business? What makes it worse is hearing that these same people’s own kids are applying to some of the same places (or were rejected or deferred ED). From having gone through this before, I think avoiding jealousy or hurt feelings among the kids is worth any trade-off involved in keeping quiet. My advice to the kid is not to share this kind of information with other kids, even the big scholarships already received. We celebrate within the family, have let some school administrators and recommenders know, and have a trusted few family friends outside of the school community who give their congratulations. My feeling is, share the final destination, but keep the rest private. We only will let the school know about the admissions and merit awards so they can better advise families who are looking for this, and the recommenders as a thank-you.</p>
<p>“Getting a bargain on shampoo is not quite the same thing as college financial aid.”</p>
<p>Agreed. I’ve told friends or coworkers about a great bargain I found because they can go to Costco and buy it themselves if they want. (DKNY jeans for $17!) As we all know, when it comes to college admissions there are winners and losers, and your child’s scholarship is specific to her and unavailable to others. I recommend erring on the side of silence when it comes to inquiring about someone else’s wins and losses, or sharing news of a win with others who might be losers.</p>
<p>But it occurs to me that this is an unseen benefit of hiring a college counselor…the counselor is a great person to call to celebrate a win. We never get tired of hearing happy parents crow about a wonderful result. It’s our oxygen!</p>