<p>Don’t think the parents would have necessarily been able to see that he purchased guns or ammo, especially considering that they can be purchased at innocuous sounding places like Walmart. He could easily have lied and said he was charging furniture, sporting goods or bedding if it came up on their charge card.</p>
<p>I wonder if the parents tried to become his guardians? We haven’t done that yet, but if I was that worried about my son, we would. As it is, we have joint accounts with him and control the flow of money. He used to have a credit card, but he started spending money on “necessities” such as text books for classes he wasn’t taking. Then I discovered the student bookstore wouldn’t let you return them!</p>
<p>If you’re nitpicking the parenting to the extent of saying that the mother should have looked over her son’s checking account record, you’ve gone pretty far into the weeds of nitpickery. If that’s all you’ve got, you have nothing.</p>
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<p>How did you know they did not do this?
Besides, in California you can buy a gun with cash.</p>
<p>If he wanted to hide this from his parents even with joint accounts, it would have been very easy.</p>
<p>I do not think it is nitpicking at all to say that the parents needed to keep a very close eye on this guy. For their own sakes as well. They will be questioning what ifs for the rest of their lives.</p>
<p>Sorry, but MAineLonghorn has her son living with her. If her son showed marked improvement, she may let him move into a nearby apartment. </p>
<p>My client had his SAD son in nice apartments thru our county’s mental health system. He visited him 5-6x a week. He didn’t leave his son with much money, so as not to tempt son to afford street drugs. His son was to show up at the nearby job center, sponsored by voc rehab. Dad involved with NAMI, the local county psychiatric facility, etc. Before the son deteriorated, he “worked” for dad. He never worked a 40 hour week, but he had some self esteem from his regular paycheck, and dad knew when son was in trouble. </p>
<p>My point after a long-winded example–there are some sad but acutely aware parents out there. Many parents are less aware and involved. It is 1 thing to believe your child is suicidal, and another to think they could hurt others. </p>
<p>On a personal note, my son is in one of these apartments where each person pays for their room, and roommates shift often. I feel awful for the roommates who were butchered to death, and their families. It is beyond my comprehension how these roommates suffered. </p>
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<p>It is nitpicking since you have no idea how much they did.</p>
<p>I can speak to the issue of access to information about roommates. In California, there is no right to such information. </p>
<p>My oldest was unknowingly assigned a student apartment with a severely disabled young man who required 24/7 caregivers and medical equipment which took up a large amount of the small apartment space. Though compassionate for the young man’s issues, it really was a very difficult situation, particularly as some caregivers brought their children along.</p>
<p>When he asked why the apartment managers didn’t at least warn him or get his permission, they said disabled applicants need to be treated like any other, and privacy laws prohibited any disclosure of information. </p>
<p>(They did allow him to move rooms without the normal room change fee.)</p>
<p>The tough part about getting guardianship ( in our state there is guardianship over person and guardianship over property) is that the person has to be deemed incompetent. And then there is also temporary guardianship. Mental illness is one grounds for guardianship.</p>
<p>Not understanding what all this nitpicking is about nitpicking. A responsible parent with a fragile child should keep a close eye on them to hopefully catch signs of deterioration or decompensation. This is NOT nitpicking. This is good parenting.</p>
<p>The last paragraph of the editorial in the SB News-Press today was particularly striking and, in my view, on target:</p>
<p>“Ironically, while Elliot Rodger was spending much of his post-pubescent life playing violent video games in seclusion from the rest of the world, eventually going to counseling and getting prescription meds to make it all better, his father was globe trotting around the world for years, including a three-year film-making stint that tried to address the question, “who is god?” Meanwhile, his son came up with the wrong answer and it cost six innocent people their lives.”</p>
<p>Although the author was referring to the lack of values and mores in our culture, I interpret the above more as a commentary about this family and the way they chose to deal with this very sick child.</p>
<p>So, now a creative person is being judged for pursuing their art? The father should have stayed home and done nothing besides tending to his son? This is a very tough situation. Can’t imagine dealing with a situation like this. </p>
<p>“So in our state, at least, there ARE resources available, but I feel it’s like a game of Super Mario to find them. Or maybe it’s like a treasure hunt. And DS is lucky. My husband and I both have advanced degrees and also the time to help him. Most patients aren’t that fortunate.”</p>
<p>I have been reading MaineLonghorn’s posts about her son, and it is evident to me the contrast between the way she and her husband have cared for their son as opposed to the Rodger family. The Rodger parents shuffled him off to a college town without supervision, where he didn’t do anything all day long except to keep digging a hole for himself, which became too deep to climb out of.</p>
<p>So, to be clear on the facts, the summary of the laws posted earlier seems to be that mentally ill people are permitted to buy firearms nearly everywhere, so long as their mental illness has not caused them to be committed to a facility or arrested. This is true even if there is a standing diagnosis of mental illness. The only exception seems to be if the person has made the professional aware of a direct threat towards someone else specifically. </p>
<p>Given that most mentally ill people have not made threats, nor been committed, it’s accurate to say that most mentally ill people are able to buy guns the same as anyone else. </p>
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<p>I think the comments about nitpicking is more about monday morning quarterbacking…without the benefit of seeing the original game, only different people mentioning some of the highlights. </p>
<p>For example, apparently the dad called him the night before and said he seemed normal. Now, was that a daily call that one of the parents had? a weekly? a monthly? a yearly? We don’t know how close an eye they kept.</p>
<p>Yes, we can now say it wasn’t enough since it didn’t catch this, but it is unclear if an hourly call with him would have caught it.</p>
<p>The father reminds me of Lanza’s father. Absent. </p>
<p>To be fair to the parents, it seems he asked to go to Santa Barbara. He was probably very animated and happy about the prospect, giving the parents hope that their normally morose and taciturn son was taking a turn for the better. </p>
<p>Though he may have shared the anger/hatred with his few friends IRL and online, the parents probably didn’t have a clue about the hatred brewing inside of him. </p>
<p>My family has dealt with mental illness issues too. It’s very hard to get inside someone else’s head, and extremely tough to know what to do about it, especially when the person is a legal adult. I am not going to judge these parents. </p>
<p>I guess the two changes I would advocate are including a psychologist on welfare checks that may involve depression, and having the police routinely run gun registrations before doing welfare checks. </p>
<p>“So, now a creative person is being judged for pursuing their art? The father should have stayed home and done nothing besides tending to his son? This is a very tough situation. Can’t imagine dealing with a situation like this.”</p>
<p>I have read that the father has recently expressed his significant regrets about all the time he spent away from his family. </p>
<p>Goldpenpooch, The Rodger family’s situation is not the same. Their child was odd but had never been hospitalized for any acute psychiatric episodes (I’m sure someone will correct me if that is not correct). They knew something was up with him but nobody seemed to know the extent of his illness and what he was capable of until it was too late. Hopefully, if and when you become a parent someday, you and your children will be perfect. </p>
<p>My father has bipolar disorder. Frequently untreated because he refuses meds. He is 70 years old and I worry about him. I cannot control him, however. It is incredbily stressful, incredibly stressful, knowing that someone who is often an amazing person could go off the deep end. I have called the cops. I have asked for welfare checks. As I am sure I said on the Adam Lanza thread, unless they are holding a gun in front of the cops they don’t get taken in unwillingly. You cannot watch them every second. If they are paranoid they will fight you and avoid you and be mean as hell to you. </p>
<p>Goldenpooch - you need to read more of ML’s son’s story. (and be very careful about using the word ‘shuffled’, suggesting that they were negligent, unless you know exactly what went on)</p>
<p>Regarding this shooter’s history, how do ANY of us know what his parents were and were not doing??? They do not owe the world an update every time they make a decision based on certain (perceived) behaviors. These kids can be VERY manipulative. </p>