<p>I wonder if you guys could comment on the essay - do you think its too scripted? It certainly is true... anyway go ahead. </p>
<p>Many teenagers lives including my own are enveloped by an aura of materialism and aestheticism. From Darwin has been born a bastard child of social hierarchy where only the richest and prettiest survive. Even though I have chosen to abstain from this popularity rat race, it still permeates my life and at times, I am left jaded by its constant nagging. That is why I love participating in the US First Robotics competition it has provided a needed relief from the social strains of High School. You enter an arena where, at the door, all social barriers are tossed by the wayside. Within lie no prom kings or queens, only hundred-plus pound robots battling in friendly competition. The people participating, the ones who may have been considered geeks or losers at their schools, are not always the best groomed, but they are decidedly some of the most kind, devoted, and intelligent people I have ever met. The three days I spent at the competition where some of the most enjoyable in my life and I encourage you, if you have the chance, to go see one of these competitions in action.</p>
<p>I was worried about this pompous thing, I'll change that, although I do feel that prettiest is the better word considering strongest would apply to normal darwinism, whereas prettiest is this form of altered darwinism</p>
<p>Many teenagers lives including my own are enveloped by an aura of materialism and aestheticism. From Darwinism has been born an illegitimate child of social hierarchy where only the richest and most attractive survive. Even though I tried to abstain from this popularity rat race, it still permeates my life and at times, I am left jaded by its constant nagging. That is why I love participating in the US First Robotics competition it has provided a needed relief from the social strains of High School. You enter an arena where, at the door, all social barriers are tossed by the wayside. Within lie no prom kings or queens, only hundred-plus pound robots battling in friendly competition. The people participating, although not always the best groomed, are decidedly some of the most kind, devoted, and intelligent people I have ever met. The three days I spent at the competition where some of the most enjoyable and enlightening in my life; I was able to step outside the normal High School routine and simply concentrate on my passion for engineering and competition.</p>
<p>Everything following this is fine, and sounds much more interesting, genuine, and sympathetic. It's not a dissertation in the social sciences, relax. College essays are NOT made better by haughtier words - you actually end up hurting yourself by giving the reader the impression your talent for sharing and narrating a story is too weak, and had to be camouflaged with all that linguistic flora / all that fancy stuff.</p>
<p>The US First Robotics competition has provided me with a relief from the social strain of High School. You enter an arena where, at the door, all social barriers are tossed by the wayside. Within lie no prom kings or queens, only hundred-plus pound robots battling in friendly competition. The people participating, although not always the best groomed, are decidedly some of the most kind, devoted, and intelligent people I have ever met. The three days I spent at the competition where some of the most enjoyable and enlightening in my life; I was able to step outside the normal High School routine and simply concentrate on my passion for engineering and competition.</p>
<p>(Use whatever opener you want if you feel there needs to be one, but the point is: keep it simple. Straight up, bro.)</p>
<p>You know, I've always wondered about that - if the original author and the plagiarizer apply to the same school, wouldn't the adcom notice? And if they don't apply to the same place, same year, what harm has been done to the author? It'll stay with the cheater's conscience. For a long time.</p>
<p>I doubt they will care to be honest with you. Personally though, if I'm applying to a school. I want it to be me that got rejected, not someone else's essay.</p>
<p>FIRST is all capitalized ( co-prez for my team next year XP)</p>
<p>I think you should focus more on what you did, learned and what it means to you. You only got 150 words, so don't need to include how you like doing it because the world is materialistic... </p>
<p>i mean robotics is kind materialistic too xP.. like " OMG your WHEELS ARE HOT.. we had to use fiber glass for ours and it looked horrible" or like "we don't get enough money so we had to result in PVC pipes" "THE lighting holes made the robot ugly... ewww" or "Ahhh i want powder finishing aluminum like team 254"
but i think the writing style is good, but some words are excessive
lol just my 2 cent</p>