A few days ago I asked a girl to prom. She said yes. The next day she told me her mom wouldn’t allow her to date yet and she couldn’t go with me. I am wondering her mom genuinely won’t let her go, or she changed her mind about going with me. My first instinct was the later, but someone who knows her mother told me that her mother is in fact very strict, and she is not allowed to drive or watch R rated movies even though she is 17. When I asked her, there was almost no one else there, so it should have been easy for her to tell me she didn’t want to go. She also seemed genuinely excited when I asked her and she said yes. When she told me she couldn’t go, she invited me to still hang out with her at prom. I felt like I knew this girl fairly well before I asked her. The reason i’m asking this is because I am considering asking someone else. If she was not lying to me and really wanted to go, I would not ask someone else, because it would probably make this girl feel bad. If she was lying and doesn’t want to go with me, she would probably be fine if I asked someone else.
Go stag to prom, hang out with this girl and her friends, have a good time. Ask someone else on a date over the summer, and next year at school. Don’t get too serious about anyone, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, and have fun.
In my experience, most girls would LOVE to be asked to prom. Honestly its every teenage girl’s dream to get asked to prom by a guy. It doesn’t realy matter if you don’t know her that well, as long as she thinks you’re a nice guy she will probably say yes.
Maybe you should have one of your friends send a link of this thread to her…
Why would that help?
That would be pretty sketchy. Don’t do that.
I’ve always taught my kid to be proactive in whatever needs to be done. That includes girls. Sitting around hoping she’s going to come around isn’t going to solve anything or do anything.
I don’t disagree with you. However, directness is better method. Having a friend send a copy of this thread is the opposite of directness and it would come across odd, IMO. Also, it appears the OP is content with friendship.
Based on my kid’s experiences (and lots of their friends) go to the prom stag. You’ll have more fun.
Meet up with your friend. Dance with everybody.
From the way you describe the situation, She was telling you the truth.
Is SHE going stag to the dance?
Either way you could ask someone else.
She has turned you down and knows you’re open to asking someone else. She can’t be upset if you do.
But the ball is now in your court.
If you REALLY want to “suffer” through the “pre-prom” stuff–pictures, dinner etc., you can still ask someone. But if you have a group of friends, you can still do all that even without a special date and the strings that get attached.
@ProfessorPlum168 While I agree that people should go after what they want, I also believe (and taught my kids) that once you agree to plans it is wrong to ditch those plans if something “better” comes up. From what I read (the OP can correct me if I’m wrong) the OP agreed to attend prom with the first girl and to hang out with her and her friends for the evening. I think asking a second girl at this point would not be the nicest thing. Guess we can agree to disagree on this. In the scheme of life junior prom is not a big deal.
“That would be pretty sketchy. Don’t do that.”
Creepy too. Just dittoing this to make sure you don’t think this is a good idea in any way, shape or form.
@happy1–Maybe I missed it but didn’t see where OP agreed to anything after finding out his preferred date couldn’t go with him.
@happy1 I agreed to hang out with her and her friends AT prom, not before prom. This brings up another burning question I have about the situation. When I asked her to go to prom with me as a date, she said that she was going on a party bus with her friends. She said she would ask if I could come also. When she told me she was not allowed to go with me, but said I was still welcome to hang out with her and her friends, I asked about the party bus, and she said it was full. The thing that confuses me is what she would have done had her mother allowed her to go but the party bus was full. Would she have gone to prom separately with me? Would she have not gone with me? If this were the case though, why didn’t she say she would only go with me if the bus had room when I asked her? Was the bus possibly just a way to avoid going with me? If that were the case, why did she have to say the thing about her mother though? Maybe she would have had dinner/danced with me as a date, but I would have just driven separately? Another point I want to bring up is that if she planned to not go with me when I asked her, why even tell me about the bus in the first place? Idk this is weird. What do you guys think she meant by this?
Honestly I wouldn’t waste too much time and effort on trying to figure it out. There are so many variables (what she said, what her mom said, what she may have meant, what her mom may have meant, what happened with her friend group in the interim, etc.) that I don’t think you could ever really know what happened.
If you can make a plan that you’re okay with that will allow you to still have fun at prom, I’d try to work with that.
I think not being included in the party bus frees you up to do what you want.
Don’t stress too much – it seems like a big deal now but in the scheme of life junior prom is far far down the list of important things.
@bodangles I know, but i’m just wondering because if she was feeling the truth, she is probably still interested in being just friends and maybe even prom next year. If not, she may still be interested in being just friends, but it would be good to know.
I’m just saying her mom might be crazy overprotective because it isn’t even considered a real date just someone you agree to go to prom with. Still be chill and hang with her and her friends though and get a picture with her at the actual dance.
Not sure if it is too late…but I think I would ask someone else out. This girl basically turned you down. She is open to hanging out, but it is not a real date. If you are looking for the whole prom experience, then if the other girl says, yes, then tell the frist “I am sorry your mom won’t let you have a date to prom. I just wanted to let you know I have found another date. See you at prom!”
They are juniors in HS, not middle schoolers. Do NOT have other students act as “middle men” in your relationships. Always deal directly with the person you are in a relationship with.
There is nothing wrong with asking someone else, since she couldn’t go. But do it soon, no girl likes to be asked just a few days ahead of time. They have to dress shop and stuff.
Jason–You won’t EVER understand girls/women or their thinking. It never gets better. No matter how old you get. RELAX.
Step back. Go enjoy the prom on your OWN terms. Take someone else if that’s your inclination. Going stag is good too. Both are fine options.
My best advice which I dispense widely and seems helpful–
People who are confident in their own skin are very attractive.
Working on developing your own confidence,actively learning social skills, and striving towards your own personal goals will make people gravitate towards YOU.
You won’t be seeking them–they’ll come to you.