Should I change the topic of my essay? I liked it at first but...

College Essays
1

<p>now it feels like it sounds stupid and a little bit robotic, or trying too hard etc...
I'm writing this essay for A really really good and hard college to get into. I don't want to say the name after reading Aspen's post about getting ripped off! xD The essay for this school is really like a make or break factor for me so it HAS to be good, unique, human, and genuine.</p>

<p>I've written the first paragraph(Real Experience BTW): </p>

<pre><code>I skimmed over each essay topic time and again as my heart began to race and my palms became sweaty. “This is it,” I thought to myself, “It’s the moment of truth, the time in my life where I have to let a few people, thousands of miles away, make possibly the biggest decision of my life for me. How can they possibly know if they want me attending their school for the next four years if they haven’t even met me yet?” I know I’m most likely not the only prospect thinking this, and needless to say, I was very nervous. However, I just knew that I had to come through with this essay if I wanted you, the admissions officers, to get to know me without even talking to me. I could have chosen one of the five essay topics already listed on the application, sure, but then I would be limiting my whole story, everything I have to say and all that I want to tell you, to just a fraction of my life. My name is John Hopkins, and this is my life.
</code></pre>

<p>(Not my real name btw)</p>

<p>What do you think??</p>

<p>Oh and if I do change it, I was thinking of this topic: I recently got into a car accident (For real.) And I believe it has brought me down a few notches on all aspects on my life and helped me become a better person. I feel humbled, more grateful to be alive, more purpose, stregnthed relationship on an already good one with my parents, etc....I don't know if it'll make me sound like an irresponsible teenager though..... I'm not sure what to do please help me everybody!!</p>

2

<p>I really liked it. Gah, wish I could come up with something as genius for my Gtown essay…</p>

<p>Sorry about the car accident. I know how much those suck.</p>

3

<p>I’m still unsure how you’re gonna write an essay on that topic, but I really liked the writing itself. It was very fluid and, actually, not robotic at all.</p>

4

<p>Phishfan which topic are you referring to? Thanks btw :wink:
And Butternut, were you referringto the car accident topic or the “my story” type topic? Thanks too! ;)</p>

5

<p>i meant the topic you’ve started writing about. The accident topic, while much easier to write about, is a little generic. But, hey, if you can make it original, go for it.</p>

6

<p>^^^Yeah I understand, if it sounds a little generic, then I’m sure it will come off that way…it’s unoriginal, and yeah I guess my main problem is trying to formulate that into a narrower topic than “My story” or “my life” oh well…Feel free to reply or everyone else out there feel free to post too! ;)</p>