Hello everyone! I would really appreciate your opinions on my situation. Because my parents are first generation immigrants from the Caribbean, I’ve pretty much had to navigate the college admissions process alone. Now that application season is approaching, there’s only one other controllable factor that’s keeping me from applying to my top choices - my family’s finances. Every time I’ve asked my parents about paying for school and financial aid, they’ve avoided the conversation.
Yesterday, after finally convincing my parents to allow me to see their tax returns, I ran the NPCs for schools with need based aid and realized that my suspicions were correct - there was no way that my family would be able to afford their EFC without going into debt. Even though my parents are still encouraging me to pursue my dreams and apply anyway, I can’t do that in good conscience. I can’t imagine my parents (who are very close to retiring) struggling to saddle the costs of my undergraduate education, as well as my older sister’s (who’s going to be in school at the same time as me), as well as my severely autistic little brother’s medical expenses. My parents invested in a college fund for my older sister but not in one for me, so there aren’t any secondary savings that could be used to cover the costs.
Even though I’ve worked extremely hard to become competitive for these schools, I can’t justify attending one in the future if it means saddling my parents with a financial burden. They’ve worked so hard to get my family to where we are now and to make sure that I have all the opportunities I need to succeed - I can’t turn around and plunge them into debt because of my own ambitions. Because of this, I’ve considered not applying to these schools at all - if I apply, get in, and my family can’t afford it, I’m afraid that my parents will blame themselves or take out loans and forgo retirement in order to make it work. On the other hand, if I don’t apply at all, it’ll be nobody’s fault but my own and my parents will be able to blame me instead of themselves. I’ve been struggling with this for a while and I really have no idea what to do. Even though I recognize what seems like the “right” choice in this situation, the thought of sacrificing everything I’ve worked for still really, really hurts.
I would greatly appreciate any advice that you all have to offer. Thank you in advance (:
Your solution depends on how talented you are. Often times the Ivys match all need aid, and many promise full aid to those who need it. Even most of the top 20 that are privates will do the same. Outside of that paying may be difficult.
@ANormalSeniorGuy Thank you for your reply! I ran the NPC for for a few Ivies and my family’s EFC was still around 60k for each of them. I really hope that they’d adjust our financial aid if I were to appeal if I were accepted though - there are a lot of external circumstances that make that price impossible for us
All Normal- you are giving OP extremely poor advice. If the NPC’s indicate that the OP cannot afford the family’s EFC, being URM and First-Gen is going to have zero impact on aid from these colleges. OP can ask for Professional Judgment to evaluate the medical expenses of a younger sibling, and perhaps that might yield some additional funds, but being URM has nothing to do with that.
OP- you need to start exploring merit aid- which will be based on you and your stats and not your family’s finances.
@blossom I have a few safety schools that I could attend with full ride merit scholarships, but the schools that I really want to attend only consider financial need. Although I understand all of the arguments for attending these schools instead of the ones that I have my heart set on, it’s still heartbreaking. I feel like even though I’ve suffered and pushed myself to my limits my entire high school career in order to get to the point where I’d at least have a chance at my dream school, only to have no chance at attending it because of factors that are beyond my control. Do you think that applying to outside merit scholarships would be worth it? I understand that the effort is often far greater than the reward, and that many of them aren’t renewable for all 4 years, but do you think it’d still be worth it to try? Thank you!
OP you are not the first student who can’t afford their EFC at an Ivy League ( or similar) school. Many, many high achieving students find themselves in the exact same situation. Yes… it’s frustrating. The good news is that if you are competitive for these schools, you are also competitive for nice merit aid at some very good schools. My advice is to apply to your safety schools as you mentioned. This will give you the assured merit that you need. You can also research other schools that will give you merit aid- if you do your research you will find them.
The best scholarships come directly from the schools. I highly doubt you will get enough money from outside scholarships- and these are only for one year. What happens if you manage to get $40,000 + the first year ( very very doubtful) - what will you do for the next 3 years if you don’t get anything? And are these awards possible beyond the first year?
I can tell you that high achieving students attend “lower” schools all the time and find themselves very happy. Good luck!
I hope this does not come across as harsh, but you are in a position which many many students find themselves in – they cannot afford the EFC and so have to focus their search on affordable options. The good news is, you realized this before you applied, so you can craft an effective list of affordable schools. Every spring on CC, there are posts from students who discovered for the first time that, even though they got into their top choice, they cannot afford it because their parents were not open about finances, and there are posts from parents saying that they can’t afford their EFC and how do they tell their kid they can’t go to their top choice school. Those are heartbreaking, but oh so avoidable, scenarios.
In some ways, for students who cannot meet their EFC, it is almost better to have a high EFC, close to full pay, because when a student is eligible for both financial aid and merit awards, many schools apply merit awards to reduce the loans and work study portion of its financial aid package, and merit does not reduce the EFC itself. There are also wonderful opportunities for full tuition and even full “ride” (includes room and board) at schools which have a long track record of success with their elite, Honors students (Alabama etc.). And there are schools which have super competitive full tuition or full ride award programs (Duke, Washington & Lee, Wake Forest are a few which come to mind), which should be considered super-reaches for everyone; those schools are looking for potential for leadership and impact on campus and beyond, in those students.
With another student in college and extra medical expenses for your younger sibling, there may be some adjustments to your EFC, and it may be worth an email to the financial aid office or your admissions rep at your top choice schools to see how you might get a more accurate picture of your likely financial aid package, if admitted.
All in all, I would recommend looking at the college list as more of a continuum and not an either/or scenario of achieve your dreams or not. Most people have to craft lists which take into account all kinds of financial variables in order to have reasonable options come spring of senior year.
@twogirls You’re definitely right. Even though there are large, renewable external scholarships like Coke and BK, they’re so competitive that it would be counterproductive to stress myself out over the possibility of receiving one. I’m just going to restructure my college list to schools that offer decent merit aid. To be honest, in this situation I feel worse for my parents than I do for myself. They’ve worked so hard and I just want to live up to their expectations and be someone that they can be proud of without them having to liquidate all of their assets. It really feels like all of the all nighters and breakdowns and anxiety that came with trying to be good enough was for nothing. I wish that I could’ve known earlier, but I know that all I can do now is learn from this. Thank you for your advice - usually I’m good at being pragmatic in situations like these but this time I just needed an extra push in the right direction. I really appreciate it (:
Definitely learn about what the affordable choices are. Alternatively, I know some people in similar financial circumstances do apply to the armed services to make their college education possible. I think there are many ways for your family and you to win.
Do you have ideas for a major? Do you have academic statistics to guide us with?
@Midwestmomofboys I don’t think you’re being harsh at all! I appreciate your honesty. It’s important for me to grasp the reality of the situation instead of being taken in by magical thinking. Although I’ve been working on the unhealthy mindset that I have have regarding the college admissions process, as soon as I saw the NPC results for the reach schools that were on my list I felt like a complete failure. Even though I’ve been trying to deconstruct the idea I have of T20 schools defining my self worth, I still tend to fall into the mental trap of conditional happiness, entirely reliant on the validation I receive from external sources (like my family, grades, awards, admissions committees, etc). I know that I shouldn’t - and I thought I was making progress - but suddenly I feel like I’m back where I used to be, banking on an acceptance email to make me feel like my life is worth living. I know that successful people will be successful wherever they go, but I guess that I’m going to have to work a lot harder to actually believe and internalize that message. Even though I wish I would’ve known the truth about my parents finances earlier so that I could’ve saved myself a lot of stress and personal issues, I’m so incredibly grateful that I know going into the process, rather than finding out on the other side like you mentioned in your post. Even though I’m struggling right now, I know that I’m going to be okay, and that I’m going to learn from this. My 1st priority is making sure that my parents don’t realize how I feel about this.
Thank you so much for your advice. Right now I’m in the process of amending my college list and I’m definitely going to take a look at the schools you suggested. Looking back, it’s kinda crazy how I let myself sort my schools based on my chances instead of financial viability without thinking that there’d be a catch. I think I’m going to save enough money to apply to my financial reaches without my parents knowing so that I’ll still be able to see what happens without worrying about how they react. If I do get accepted, I’ll make sure to follow up with the financial aid office and see if there’s any way to reduce the cost.
Thank you so much for being completely honest with me. Even though this hurts a lot right now, I know that when I’m able to get through this I’ll be a better person for it.
Right now, I think I’ve narrowed my major down to either cognitive science or computer science. I considered paying for my education by applying for the armed forces, but my mom was in the army and she really doesn’t want me to (I’ll see if there’s a way for me to change her mind though). Thank you so much for your help - let me know if you need any more information!
@zahmata it seems that you are under the impression (?) that your parents being proud of you is somehow tied to the school you attend. Your parents are proud of you … for you… and not because of a school. You can achieve great things regardless of where you attend school.
Don’t rule out applying for the big scholarships, if you are a viable candidate. It wont cover your costs, but $10K is a nice gift. Also, be aware that some of the elites will require you to send all your standardized test scores, so you will be expected to send the ACT scores that you said in the other thread you don’t plan to send. You may not have that choice.
@zahmata - I am not well-informed on the tip-top schools and the fine details of getting into those. Within the broader context, then, your stats are a solid asset. I should have searched your name for previous posts and gathered the information in advance - than you for providing the link. Computer Science (I am an Electrical Engineer by degree and a Software Engineer by practice) is a major that occurs at a lot of colleges. I see you mention Ivies and Stanford, which I can’t talk about. I know computer scientists and engineers from Purdue and University of Illinois and from Michigan and Wisconsin who come from the region in which I work. Even a lesser school than those can facilitate the development of a solid computer scientist if that student takes the initiative to raise their own standards to a high level. I can see how placement into an elite college can make a difference - the school representative at MIT will do more checking with an internship provider to make sure the student is getting the choicest assignments, say for example. But in the world of computer science that I am part of, all workers ultimately have to deliver and perform, regardless of the origin of their degree, and computer science is easy to self-learn and improve. I think you can have so many choices that are solid.
When I just now looked again at the title of your post “Should I even bother applying”, I thought - that sounds like an excellent engineering/programmer interview question:
Zahmata has these stats, those probabilities of admission, and this amount of financial resource. What should Zahmata do?
@twogirls I know that my parents are proud of me, but I used to feel as though I owed it to them (and to myself) to get into a top school because of how hard they worked after moving here from their home countries so that my siblings and I could live the lives we do now. My sister is instate at our state’s flagship and my parents are paying a lot for her tuition because she didn’t really know the ins and outs of college admissions, and my little brother is so low functioning that he’ll be dependent on my parents for the rest of their lives. Even though I applied and got into a boarding school 3 years ago, I’ve always spent the majority of my time looking after my little brother so that they’d have one less thing to worry about. I’ve always wanted to pay them back for all of the great things they’ve done for me and my siblings and work hard now so that they won’t ever have to later. Thank you so much for your words though, I’m working on letting go of the pressure that I put on myself
@jym626 You’re right, I’ll probably still apply for them but I’m going to make sure that I don’t end up planning my future around them. Even though I still plan on attempting Courtney Thurston level returns to see if I can make things work, I’m gonna try not to fall apart over it. The ACT scores aren’t bad, but I had to take it in middle school in order to apply to the high school that I’m at now so there’s just a lot of attempts. Even though most schools only require all attempts of a single test type, I know Stanford requires the full test history of both tests. Thank you for the warning, I’ll make sure to check the testing policy of the schools I add to my list
@GoForth Thank you! That’s something that I love about computer science - it’s a meritocracy. I love that it prioritizes the development of a skill set over other factors, and if it comes down to it, I’ll definitely declare comp sci. Even though I really love cognitive science, the issue with it is it’s relative newness. One of the reasons why I aimed so high is because it isn’t offered at many schools ranked under around 30 or so (that I’ve found) and in order to pursue academia I’d need the “brand name” and connections. I really appreciate your insight, it’s always nice to know what life is actually like after college
@zahmata you sound like a nice kid who is very mature. I think you should apply for some of the competitive awards at schools such as Wake Forest, Vanderbilt etc. These are very competitive so make sure you also have other realistic options… But they are worth a shot. And do not underestimate the time and work that you do helping your parents take care of your younger sibling… Colleges place a lot of value in that, as do your parents.
Best of luck to you. I predict you will achieve great things!