Should I have offered more money?

Parents Forum
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<p>I can't shake the feeling that I have failed my daughter.</p>

<p>My daughter has done everything I could hope for, and much more. She has good EC, good rigor (6 AP's so far, all 5's), and good scores (ACT 35, UW GPA 4.0, no rank but likely top 1%). Her essays brought tears to my eyes. I know deep down she would really like to go to an Ivy type of school, but we just can't afford it, not with Med school and other college-bound kids in the near future. Apparently, my wife and I had worked too hard and saved too much for her to qualify for any need-based aids.</p>

<p>So, thanks to our financial "success", she has not applied to any school that does not give merit-based aids.</p>

<p>Yes, I know she will thrive wherever she goes, and she will still get into a good Med school if that's what she wants to do, but as her friends start to hear from her dream schools in the coming days, I can't help thinking she should at least be allowed to compete. Through absolutely no fault of her own, and just because of the family she was born into, the doors to the elite schools are closed for her. When this topic came up, she would just shrug and say something like "Thanks a million, Daddy" with a big smile. I know she was making a joke, but there was a lot of truth in it.</p>

<p>The fact is we probably could afford it if we drastically reduced our living standard and, more importantly, our saving level. We would also need to assume the younger kids would not require any special assistance in the future. It doesn't make economical sense, and I know my daughter would feel really bad about it, but if other families are making the same sacrifice why can't I?</p>

<p>A clueless counselor, upon seeing my daughter's college list, actually questioned her why she didn't want to challenger herself...</p>

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<p>Lots of schools offer merit aid – not the very top ones, but a rung or two below. That could make a school more affordable. If your D would consider women’s colleges, some of them can be fairly generous. D was offered $20K from Smith and $25 K from Holyoke. Oberlin offers lots of merit aid, and I’m sure there are many more. Many top schools offer small numbers of scholarships as well. And if you haven’tvrun the financial aid calculators at the top Ivies, you should. Their need-based aid is much more generous than most (also possibly Amherst). But I wouldn’t risk jeopardizing my financial security for a prestigious college, especially when you are looking at multiple tuitions and grad schools.</p>

<p>Sorry - missed the part where you said she was applying to schools with merit – but there are a lot of really good ones.</p>

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<p>To which schools is she applying ?</p>

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<p>It’s a tough situation, but I think you are making the fiscally responsible choice. Your D’s fine stat will likely get her a great scholarship. </p>

<p>The theme we read over on over on CC is to minimize debt if med school is a possibility. As an added perk, sometimes a school a notch below tippy top will make it easier to get the high GPA needed for med school acceptance.</p>

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<p>You’d be surprised at the number of high quality programs available to her. She’ll be with students who have exceeded even her stellar numbers. “Elite schools” is not limited to the Ivies.
What do you think that your daughter will be missing if she doesn’t attend an Ivy ?
Especially if she’s going to attend medical school, her undergraduate school is not as important as it is for one seeking employment right after college.
Curious to see if you’ve been directed to any of the outstanding programs which offer merit aid.</p>

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<p>"What’s that you say,"Three Billy Goats, Gruff?</p>

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<p>AND she’d probably be middle-of-the-pack at the Ivies, and might be the top student in the Honors program of a good state university, and as a result get better mentoring, more research opportunities, closer contact with the faculty, and better med school recommendations. </p>

<p>In short, putting finances aside, she might actually get a better education.</p>

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<p>Exactly. Not sure if it’s too late to apply for some of the state college fellowships though. Based on the counselor’s comments, I suspect that none of them made her list.</p>

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<p>Think about it this way. Those parents who do qualify for financial aid had to live on a reduced standard of living relative to yours for practically their entire children’s lives, and probably will continue such a standard of living after their children leave the nest. </p>

<p>Given that you don’t want to reduce your standard of living, do you really think that families who get financial aid are in a better off position than you are? Most of those families are already living that reduced lifestyle.</p>

<p>Are you really being penalized for your success? Your family as a whole has way more options than a family that needs aid.</p>

<p>Your daughter will qualify for a ton of merit based money at the majority of universities in this country given her stats. Some might even give her a full ride. College is incredibly affordable for you because of this.</p>

<p>I’d trade my kid’s elite college attendance and my sub-60K salary for your situation any day. I have another one to send to college next year, who, while bright, isn’t the achiever his brother is. To send him to the kind of school that he likes, the Net Price Calculator says my family will need to pay 20K. That’s not gonna happen.</p>

<p>I’d rather not be a financial aid family.</p>

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<p>"Trip, trap, trip, trap! " went the bridge.</p>

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<p>* I know deep down she would really like to go to an Ivy type of school, but we just can’t afford it,*</p>

<p>In case this isn’t a ■■■■■, I have good news. The Ivy league schools meet 100% of need.
Even better news, there are other schools which aren’t as competitive that also meet 100% of need.</p>

<p>If your family discovers that you can’t afford your EFC, most schools are not quite as expensive as the Ivies, and if she is a competitive applicant, she might qualify for the honors program at your state university.</p>

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<p>What skrlvr said. And I will add that I grew up in a financial aid family. I didn’t go to an Ivy, but I possibly could have. If I’d gotten in to any (didn’t applly to any), I’d have gotten lots of aid. I applied to a number of LACs that met full need and ended up at one of those, with my family paying < 10% of the cost probably.</p>

<p>My husband and I are in a much better financial situation than my parents were. Our EFC will be much higher, probably more than we can really spend without drastic changes. But my kids have had lots of opportunities growing up that I didn’t have. My son is going to Europe this spring. My kids have been able to participate in EC’s without being much limited by what we can afford. They have had many options I never had as a kid and they will end up with a decent college education as long as they make the effort. If they wanted to go to the same type of school I did, it might not be an option even if they got in. But lots of options I never had at their age are available to them, so it more than evens out IMO.</p>

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<p>Sounds like you have one fantastic daughter! She may want to consider some of the early admit med school programs that are offered. It would not hurt to have 1 med school admission in her back pocket when it comes time to apply. She also would be a terrific candidate for many honors programs and honors colleges. Getting the best from a good school and saving money for med school sounds like a great option to me.
Good luck to you and your daughter.</p>

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<p>Search this site for the posts by Curmudgeon. There are many paths to Rome. And the less traveled ones might be the most rewarding.</p>

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<p>It’s the last school you attend that matters the most, and even then, once you start working, no one really cares what school you went to.</p>

<p>If your daughter intends to go on to med school or to any post-undergraduate school (law, business, grad), then the undergrad school doesn’t matter so much, as long as it’s a SOLID school-- her MCAT scores will matter a lot than the prestigiousness of the name of her undergrad school. Select for value, not for over-priced prestige.</p>

<p>Don’t beat yourself up over it…</p>

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<p>Many top schools offer merit based money and all will give need based aid. For the cost of an application you get in the game. Once accepted, the schools will offer an aid package. Call them and see if they can up it (you really can see your daughter at their school but you have a hard time commiting that kind of money, etc) and see what they say. THEN, you can make the decision. Just present it to your daughter that she will have to factor money into her decision and see where it goes.</p>

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<p>Xiggi beat me to the response. Curmudgeon’s daughter got an awesome merit aid package at a great school for undergrad. She had many wonderful opportunities there and took full advantage of them. She is now in medical school at an Ivy. </p>

<p>That is the summary…Curmudgeon’s posts are well worth reading!</p>

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<p>Let her apply with the understanding that you can only contribute however much toward college costs. Then, when the acceptances roll in, look to see which schools fall within that price range and let her decide. It’s really not that complicated. Even the schools that offer merit aid might cost too much in the end. Until you get the final numbers you just never know.</p>

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<p>As I have posted numerous times, there are many decent-salaried families whose children are matriculating to their college years right about now. And they’re finding out that unless these parents want to seriously impact their retirement years, the Ivies or any other Top 50 U. that costs over $40K net out-the-door per year is off-limits because of cost, period. What was a dream when these kids were born 18 years ago–saving in earnest so their kid could attend the best possible college–is certainly not reality now for the most part.</p>

<p>And as SOON as they say anything on this forum about that economic dilemma, that lower-income families have much more of chance at attending these U.'s cost-wise than the middle-to-upper-middle incomes, they get flamed, castigated for not caring about those less fortunate.</p>

<p>I think the OP was simply stating the situation rather than ruminating about their lot in life. And his D will do great because yes, she has many choices. Just not the top ones.</p>

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<p>As parents we always wish we could do more. It doesn’t matter whether it is time or money, we never feel like we are doing enough. If you and your kid have a strategy on how to get her to medical school then that’s what matters.</p>