Thanks @compmom. My plan as it stands now is to finish out this semester and give the counseling center a fair try. Unfortunately, I’m not really within driving distance of my hometown (it’s about a 14 hour drive), so I can’t visit home as frequently as I might have been able to had I gone somewhere closer to home. Luckily, we do have a few breaks during fall semester that breaks up the time nicely.
I have also already applied and been accepted (or reaccepted) to the local branch of my original state school, so I definitely have at least a couple of options for the future. With that in mind, I plan on hanging in until the end of the current semester to see if my feelings have changed at all by the time it’s over.
I think you have a great option with the state school honestly. But as you know- and your actions show you know- you will always feel better if you give it a full try where you are, no matter what you end up deciding. I have a feeling you are going to do fine in life either way.
I think counseling is a great idea. You may be romanticizing living at home (reminds you of being a child, when things were just not so complicated and you were surrounded by love and nurturing). At the end of the day, wherever you go, there you are. Perhaps medication is the answer, perhaps counseling alone will give you some peace and clarity.
Another thought–since you’ve already tranferred once, and you recognize that your discontent is probably more within you than with the school–maybe your expectations of “happiness at college” are unrealistic?
Would you feel better about yourself if you stick it out for 3 1/2 semesters and get the degree from the “bigger name” school? There is nothing wrong with looking forward to vacations/home-cooked meals/ hanging out with high school friends, etc. Most college students feel this way. Maybe high school was “the best time” for you–better than college. It is fine to look back at happy memories. But are you trying to retreat to that comfy home, to recapture/relive that time?
Could unhappiness at both colleges be due to academic stress? Who doesn’t feel better when they are home on break after months of deadlines, papers, projects, and exams? But home will be different when you have college work to do there.
By all means see a counselor . You have the transfer option in hand–that’s great. But before you transfer, examine carefully if this is a path forward or backward. Are you chasing “comfort” or an unreachable “happiness” instead of facing challenges that could strengthen you ?
I say all this because I attended a school that wasn’t a good fit socially, where I was quite discontent a lot of the time. I stuck it out and graduated in 4 years(spent one year abroad). My younger brother was unhappy at the same college. He transferred. Then transferred again, moving back with parents, hanging with hometown friends. Then joined the military. Then finally finished his degree at a 4th college. Both of our paths worked out, but I think my brother could have, more easily, stayed at the first college. He was impatient. And probably unrealistic- -looking for a type of happiness or perfect fit that didn’t exist.
One thing I actually forgot to mention is that the local branch of my state school has a more limited selection of majors than both the main branch and my current university. Right now, I’m on track to get a degree in math, however the local branch doesn’t have this as a course of study because it is a branch school and doesn’t have the same resources as bigger schools. When I applied a few weeks ago, I indicated that I’d be pursuing a degree in history and I was accepted to this major. I have always been very interested in history (much more than I am in math), but I never pursued it as a course of study because I didn’t think it would be particularly helpful in securing employment after graduation. I’ve had multiple people tell me that this isn’t true, and that people with history degrees do indeed do well in the job market, yet I’m not entirely convinced. What kind of bearing does this have on my decision to leave a math degree at my current school for a history degree at my state school?
The least valuable degree is the one you didn’t earn because you dropped out and never went back.
Don’t focus on your major. Focus on resolving your mental health issues. Math and history will still be there once you are feeling better about yourself.
I think it sheds more light on your feelings. Added to the mix of what you already shared is a realization that you are studying something that was little more than a shot at what you hoped was better employ-ability. Students with bachelor’s degrees do better on the job market, period. Now, maybe history majors have a less direct path to a career, but they still get jobs, and they still outearn (on average) people without degrees. Connect with the people in your new department and be sure you look for internships.
We can analyze and advise all we want to here but you need real life help. That said, here’s my input.
Best thing you are doing is to meet with the psychologist at your school. You have a backup plan to move home and attend a local school there if need be.
However, from what you have posted here I believe your problems will not be solved with yet another school change (agree that has no effect on future employment- your degree will be from one place). Also- moving home is an escape from adulthood, a step backwards, not forwards. You need the psychologist’s evaluation and advice. It may be part of your treatment plan to retreat to the safety of your home for now or it could be the worst thing you can do.
Your last post about your major is significant. Others have commented on your theme of getting a job. You need a job that fits you, you do not make yourself fit a job you misperceive as an answer to employment. Your school offers you the psychological assessment. It also offers career advising and testing for interest/compatibility with different fields. If your psychologist does not suggest that make an independent trip to that part of student services.
From all I have read here you sound like a typical student who doesn’t yet have a clearly defined path. You are not alone in this, nor abnormal. You are stuck at a pivotal point in your life. Using the school’s resources should help. Going home to the local school will not solve your problems. Seeking intervention is excellent. It will not be easy/simple/the solution but it will give you insights and get you on track.
Perhaps the fraternity is not right for you. You live in the dorms so you can choose to dissociate from it if it does not meet your needs. You may find doing things with people outside the frat, and in your dorm, may suit you better.
It is encouraging that you like some classes. No one likes all of their classes, even in their ideal major, btw.
IMO, you don’t need to be seeing psychologists and treating for depression… all of that is overblown nonsense. You’re fine! You’re just going through a tough transition from home life to college life right now… EVERY college-bound kid goes through it to some degree. While home sickness does feel “depressing”, it is a temporary feeling that goes away once your brain adapts to your new way of life.
Humans are creatures of habit. We don’t like change, but fortunately we adapt to change over time. Personally, I think as long as you are happy with your college, stay there and ride out the home sickness. It can be tough trying not give into the temptation of wanting to pack up everything and go home, but resist that temptation and stay on course. Meet people, hang out with people, stay active. Eventually the miserable feeling will subside. B-)
Why don’t you try to pursue a History degree from your current university? Mightn’t it help you find satisfaction in your current college? Can you look at History classes offered in the Spring?
What about looking for a club where you do things together (like Habitat for Humanity or another volunteering group where you actually do something).
Humanities major really benefit from attending a “better” university because content is not “flat” (professors define what’s in their class and adapt it to the average students, unless you’re in the Honors program/college AND there are enough Honors classes, which there may not be at the advanced level) and learning rests as much on quality of discussion ie., peers as on professors and because much fewer students choose these “non vocational” majors, career services aren’t as well equiped to handle Humanities majors.
It also depends what the “branch” is - if it’s Southern Connecticut State v.Uconn, or Penn State Harrisburg v. Penn State or tOSu Lima v. tOSU… you’re better off at your flagship, by far.
Man, you sound like a mature, great kid. I wish my kid had you as a roommate. Lol Maybe you are somewhat depressed because you are too mature for other kids around you. Anyway, just wanted to compliment you.
Thinking about the major – if you are starting your junior year, you may be far enough along in your math major that, if you did decide to switch to a history major, it would be relatively easy to complete the requirements for a math minor (if you haven’t already). I am in the physical sciences, but what I know of history is that there is a lot of reading and writing involved (really in most fields!) – but if you really develop your writing and critical thinking with a history major, combine that with some quantitative reasoning chops from a math minor, then you’ll have some mad skills to sell out on the employment market…
I haven’t read the whole thread…so I apologize if this has already been said.
You left school one because you weren’t happy there.
You want to leave school two because you are not happy there.
What’s to say that school three…or four will be THE school that you feel good at?
I think you need to get to the root of this issue…why can’t you find happiness at these schools given that presumably you chose them because you liked them.
A good counselor might be able to help you figure out the WHY…and what you can do to help yourself.
I guess I would suggest taking a leave of absence from your current college. Get some counseling. You may find that returning to school 2 is right once you have a better handle on what makes you unhappy.
I have heard about this happening to a lot of students. I am glad that you reach out. It sounds like its a severe case of homesickness to me, but I am not a professional psychologist. Having your support network around really and mom’s meals really does take the edge off, not alcohol. So, I don’t blame you for feeling lonely.
Seeing the psychologist as planned is the best thing to do. That professional can determine much more about the causes of the OP’s problems than we can- s/he can rule in/out depression or other reasons. It will be reassuring for the OP to learn about why he is having his problem. Stopping school or returning home without figuring out why he wants to is not a good solution.
@gearmom I’m not really sure yet. This is a question I’ve been trying to figure out an answer to for some time now. When I was in high school I wanted to do something in science, but later realized that the lab work wasn’t really for me. I’ve always been a pretty good writer and I do enjoy writing, so I have been thinking perhaps that could be a place to start even though it’s a little vague.
@mbl1997 Maybe consider technical writing. There is a demand for that. Especially if you could learn to code XML and HTML. I’m not sure Math would be a better major. What would you do with that? Our neighbor just graduated as a math major and now works in insurance. I wouldn’t worry about switching colleges and how that looks for future employment.
@gearmom My school requires that everyone declare a major by the middle of sophomore year. I chose math because I thought it would be an employable degree, but I never had a solid idea of what I could do with a math degree or whether I even wanted to be in that field. I was feeling pressured at the time to pick something, and I realize now that I probably just chose it because I thought it would look good to other people.