<p>Let me preface this by saying that I understand that quite a few students go through the motions of homesickness, loneliness, stress, anger, etc. when they move 1100 miles away from home to start school. I am a Freshman, so naturally I've been going through these motions as well. However for some reason I feel like there's something more than just those emotions going on with me right now. At some point as well it stops becoming "homesickness" and becomes a truly bad fit. Because of that, I'm considering transferring from my top 10, New England small liberal arts school to my state school. Next semester. I know, it seems rather irrational considering that I've been here for so little time. Or, maybe it doesn't; I'm not sure. that's why I'm here. Nevertheless, hopefully I can explain my situation and get some advice on what to do. SO here's my spiel.</p>
<p>When I applied for colleges a year ago I thought I had a pretty good sense of what I wanted. A good program, a large school, a city environment, to be away from home. However when decision time came in I was faced with the choices of my state school (not the best), a large inner city university (with little financial aid), and then a TOP small liberal arts school with the best program in my major and a substantial portion of money. From the first time I visited my current school i felt like there was something off with it. This didn't feel like it was where I "fit" environmentally. Still, I decided to take the risk because I thought it would force me to adapt to an environment I would probably never get to live in except for college while at the same time get the best education in my intended career path. (For privacy purposes I will not give much personal information on locations or hints to that).</p>
<p>Anyway, I arrived on campus in the fall with a very open attitude and excited to start my new life far away. It was fun...at first. As the semester has progressed I have definitely met great friends, learned so much more about the world than I ever could have guessed, and experienced a true fall. these are experiences I wouldn't trade for anything. But still the school's student body seems to have a very strong character that I just don't seem to fit into well. For starters, it's a very athletic school (like many) but that seems to resonate very deeply with campus culture. Though I have tried sports this term it hasn't been something that I've enjoyed very much. I am also gay, and though I have joined my school's LGBT community I have not felt much belonging there either. While I have made good friends outside of those atmospheres, it seems to be even more the case that I can't relate to them very well. While I wasn't planning on making my "best friends" within the first few weeks, I just can't really see myself spending four years with anyone here. </p>
<p>Academically, as I sit in the introductory classes for my major I can't help but think about how much I do not like what I'm learning and how I would rather be in any other class. Now I know that introductory classes are meant to be "weed out" classes but nevertheless I can't easily imagine myself studying this subject for the next 3 and 1/2 years. However, looking at my school's academics, this is the only major that both interest(ed) me and is practical for the price I'm paying to be here. Nevertheless I have even been able to excel in them (one of my professors told me I had possibly the best paper in my class of 50+ students in one case). However, I can feel the stress and pressure of the surroundings and expectations slowly tear me apart and to a strong degree I'm worried about my mental healthy. While I know it may be my course load, I fear that I will be spending Friday and Saturday nights in my room for the duration of my time here no matter what I take.</p>
<p>As a culmination of these factors as well as a few others (like price: Potentially Heavy loans + liberal arts degree= uncertainty and fear) have forced me to reevaluate my situation and think about leaving the school. Environmentally, this was basically the opposite of most of what I wanted from a school. Socially, I feel that maybe I should have thought more about who I wanted to spend these "best four years" with: people I didn't know or the tight-knit group I have grown up with (They all went to the school I'm considering). Academically, I feel like all I ever do is work and that this is killing me or will as time goes on. I don't know if I want to remember my college years as 4 yrs I was isolated, with people I didn't much care for, studying something I don't even know if I like. </p>
<p>However, the opportunities that this school poses to students and the fact that it is SUCH a great school can't be disregarded. Because of this, I did not fill out an application to transfer until on Halloween I realized that I accidentally left my dorm room unlocked (a single) and it had been broken into. Nothing was missing, the only evidence was that the people raided my fridge and ripped everything out of it and drew on my whiteboard (they were probably looking for alcohol I didn't have). My floor doesn't have cameras so I have/had no leads to who it was. With no possibly enemies or suspects I've decided to let it go as an act of their drunken stupor and move one from the incident. But still, it makes me think about my personal safety and gives me a new light on some of other negative aspects of the school. Not gonna lie though, their clumsiness is kinda funny in hindsight and I do joke about it with people. And now I always lock my doors. Nevertheless, in that moment of discovering what had happened I was fed up with waiting until the Spring to submit an app. I did it that night. That was the "straw that broke the camel's back" to me. I submitted it on the deadline date, sent my transcript express, and had my acceptance back by Tuesday.</p>
<p>I've sought out resources and looked everywhere high and low for an answer. Ultimately it's my choice. I know. But the vague "do what you feel is best"of people at the my current school is not something I can handle much longer. Nor can the biased answers from friends at home saying "OMG YESS COME HERE WE'LL HAVE A GREAT TIME!" be something I take too deeply into consideration. So, from the third party perspective of the internet and people I've (probably) never met. What do I do? What would you do? Would more time be helpful to me you think or would it just prolong the inevitable and put me further behind at a new school? Am I thinking rationally about this or is it still "First semester jitters?" At what point does it stop becoming adjustment pressures and the school become a genuine "bad fit?"</p>