<p>Hi, I am a sophomore at a top 25 ranked liberal arts school. I don' have much going for me here except for my amazing girlfriend whom I love dearly. I have the oppurtunity to transfer to the Ivy League school of my dreams, the school Ive wanted to go to ever since I was a little kid, but I'm not sure if I should.
If it wasn't for my girlfriend, I wouldnt really like my current school. However, my girlfriend may just be the one(Is that something I can truly know after only a year?). I know if I stay here and we eventually break up, I'll always regret that I didnt transfer when I had the chance. However, if I transfer, we'll likely breakup and I'll always be left thinking what if I hadn't left her. </p>
<p>How do I handle this situation? What would you do?</p>
<p>Staying at your current school just becuase of your girlfriend seems like a terrible idea. If your dream really is to attend an Ivy league school (and you are certain about this), then apply to transfer. If she really respects your visions and ambitions, she should be okay with it. And if she isn’t (which is understandable), you should be willing to accept the consequences. Again, it’s your money (or more likely your parnets’ money) and you should invest it where you want.</p>
<p>For crying out loud–you’re actually thinking of giving up this opportunity because of a girlfriend? You have your whole world ahead of you. Do not limit opportunities because of a current girlfriend. You will regret it.</p>
<p>My GF chose to come to Madison since I was here already. Less than a week after she got here, she got drunk and cheated on me. Relationship over, after two years and a promising future. What’s the lesson? Follow what’s best for you , and if the relationship is really meant to be, it’ll work out. Also, is this Ivy close to your current college? I mean, if it’s less than 5 hours away, you should transfer without thinking twice. Just my two cents.</p>
<p>I hate to add this, but please remember that an absurd amount of the people here don’t have girlfriends.</p>
<p>If you REALLY think she might be the one for you, I think you should start talking about your possible future with her. How far away is your college? Let her know about all the great changes that have happened in your life because of her, and how she makes you feel, and how no one else has ever had this kind of impact (only if this is how you really feel, of course…). Let her know your serious. And then tell her that you are applying, and ask her something along the lines of “What would you think about a long term relationship if I was accepted?”</p>
<p>If it happens, I suggest reading about long distance relationships online. That way, you’ll know you gave it your best shot. Remember if you guys break up to never be a dick to her afterwards; try to stay friends. Then maybe after college, you guys can get back together again. My cousin was in your EXACT same situation… She stayed with her boyfriend long distance, even though everyone told her it would never work. They are now happily married for five years, and thinking about having a baby.</p>
<p>This is a chance for you to be happy, and if it’s something you really believe in then you should go for it. :)</p>
<p>@individualized- I have a fiance fwiw. I still stand by my advice. In fact, it’s even stronger because I am in a long-distance relationship. I have been with this guy since I was a freshmen in high school.</p>
<p>I know that if it’s strong enough then it will last no matter the difference. </p>
<p>If not, then it’s not worth it to stick around in the first place. </p>
<p>Therefore- the OP should go to his dream school either way.</p>
<p>Which is exactly what I suggested. I think your advice of “If you guys are strong enough, you’ll survive no problem.” was good, but “if you’re at the same school, it’ll end either way.” was completely unnecessary because you don’t even know this person and how good their relationship is.</p>
<p>But yes, arguments aside I think the OP should still go for his dreams! (But while attempting to stay with his GF if he really loves her… Perhaps you could give advice in that column as well!)</p>
<p>^ No. My point was… if you guys AREN’T strong enough then if you’re at the same school it will end either way. And if it doesn’t, it should because it’s not that strong of a relationship. Strong relationships survive distance.</p>
<p>Just break up with her and go to the Ivy League. I don’t say this to be mean, but it’ll be best for you in the long run. I’ve done LDR and they can be trying at times, and it’s easier to just go through the pain of breaking up now than enduring the pain of however many years you’ll have apart. If you were “meant to be” then you’ll get back together in the future, but you need to live your life right now and do what you have to do to make yourself happy.</p>
<p>Seriously, it’s not. It sucks a little, but with skype, cell phones, and everything else we have- it really isn’t that bad. It isn’t like decades ago when the main way of communication were letters that were few and far between.</p>
<p>Apply to transfer. Staying at a place because of a girlfriend, boyfriend, friend etc etc is not a good reason to stay, AT ALL. Your college is already a very good college but if it’s not what you seek, change it.</p>
<p>Would you guys say the same thing if I told you that we spend almost all our time exclusively with each other(I know some would say this is unhealthy, but so far it has worked for us)? We are both very introverted and we don’t really have too many people to hang out with besides each other. I feel like leaving would almost be like abandoning her</p>
<p>Yes, I would say the same thing.
In fact- I would say that is even MORE of a reason for you to go away. </p>
<p>My boy and I spend every moment we can together when I’m home. This includes the long summers and some weekends and all breaks. However, it isn’t healthy to be so dependent on each other. You both need to have lives outside of each other. </p>
<p>My boy and I were dependent on each other for the first few years of high school. When we broke up for a little bit, it was terrible! We both realized that we had virtually no life outside of each other. It was not healthy. Therefore when we got back together, we made sure that we were never completely reliant on one another again. </p>
<p>I know you think it’s not unhealthy, but really it is. When you guys start becoming dependent on one another, then people can become obsessive and controlling. Additionally, if something were to happen to either of you (even if it’s something like going for a long business trip) then the other one would be lost. Furthermore, when things happen like you guys fight or you just need someone else to talk to besides your SO, you need a group of friends that you can go to that is outside of your other.</p>
<p>I hope that makes sense. Please, even if you guys do stay at the same college, try to get a decent group of friends outside of each other. It is perfectly OK to have overlapping groups of friends, but make sure you have a few independent friends that aren’t necessarily great friends with your SO.</p>