<p>Again thank you all for your suggestions. As I said I will make some revisions to the language I use to avoid the ‘subconscious red flag’ as I mentioned earlier and as several of you here also shared similar sentiments. (I used ‘merciless’ more in the line of ‘ceaseless’ but I get how some people might not be comfortable with it.) I think I should need to state, again, that my essay is not exclusively about my parents, or the war (in fact that paragraph is the only place where the words ‘parents’ and ‘war’ appear.)</p>
<p>@Mezzo’sMama: I’m not very sure what is your point with the TOEFL but I’m studying high school in Singapore so I’m quite familiar with an education in English. I might not even have to take TOEFL if my SAT Critical Reading score is greater than 600, which I believe could be quite possible (from practice test) but we will see comes Nov 24 (I took the Nov SAT). And high school students get help from teachers and others for grammar and the likes all the time as no one’s writing is impeccable, even adults’. Thank you so much for your offer to help. Aside from this issue there are also certain parts I’m not quite sure about so I will PM you when I finish the next draft. And I did not mention Vietcong in my essay so no worries.</p>