First of all, I didn’t actually have a choice in which school I now go to. My mother specifically got a job at this university so I would get free tuition here so unless I got into another college that would somehow give me even more of a free ride, this school was where I was going to go. The school is a fairly large, public research university and was never my first choice when I imagined what school I would go to. To make matters more complicated, during my freshman introduction week, I fell out of my top bunk while sleeping (so embarrassing) and woke up in the emergency room with a fractured clavicle, wrist, and a concussion. Obviously, I didn’t stay in for the rest of the semester, and opted to go home and heal because I couldn’t write with either hand. I came back for the spring semester, and throughout the entire semester, I was lost.
My roommate was a sophomore and already had her own group of friends. The few friends I had from high school at my college also had their own groups and it seemed to me that I missed my chance to get to know anyone in my class. I had never felt so alone in my life, and I went through several bouts of severe depression and apathy. I went home almost every weekend, and seriously debated just commuting considering I only live about 10 minutes from campus. This wasn’t the college experience I was looking forward to, and it really warped how I felt about the school as a whole. Another part of how I feel about my school is that I honestly didn’t like the vibe or the general community it attracted. My family doesn’t have a lot of money, and I’ve always loved to read and I genuinely enjoy classes. The community I’ve been exposed to so far is not an academically inclined one; my own professor blatantly stated that hardly anyone in the school chooses it for the academics, most choose it for the reputation and location (I live in a very liberal part of the northeast where skiing, snowboarding, and pot are very popular and lots of rich out-of-state kids come here). I don’t enjoy partying very much, and I want to go to a school that actually cares about their classes, not about how hammered they’re going to get tonight.
I’m now back at school, which I had been dreading all summer long, in a new living community (we do various activities for charity together) which is going okay so far. All the girls I live with are very nice, but they also have their own groups of friends and enjoy most of the popular things I mentioned before. I’ve so far decided to wait it out this year, and complete one more year so I’ll technically be a 2nd semester sophomore by the end of next semester (I consider myself a 2nd semester freshman now). I guess the reason I’m posting this is to get some advice on what I should do. Most people would kill to have free tuition, and I feel so guilty that I’m secretly not that grateful that I do (my mom did this just for me and I have never mentioned or let her know that I’m unhappy here because of that). My general question is whether I should transfer or not. As I’ve already mentioned, I would have never picked this school for myself and I would honestly rather go to a smaller school that is more academically inclined. If I still really don’t like it after this year, I honestly have no idea what to do. Should I risk it and take loans to go to a different school? Should I just commute because I don’t really like the community here and make friends some other way (through a job, etc.)? I’d also like to eventually go to grad school, so should I just stick it out until I graduate, and then choose the grad school I want? I didn’t mean for this post to be so long, but I honestly don’t know what to do or who to talk to. Any advice is seriously appreciated.