So, I decided to apply to the school that I am at now kind of impulsively. For my entire life, I have never wanted to go to this school and I originally was not even going to apply. But, I was in the same area as the school one day so I decided to go visit, cause why not? And I actually thought that I liked it. I came back in October of my senior year of HS for an open house that I really enjoyed.
So, I decided to apply. I was not sure if I wanted to apply early decision though since it is binding. I eventually, impulsively, decided to do it. After I submitted everything, I was constantly worried about whether or not I made the right decision. In December, I got my first acceptance to a school that is close to home. This was my safety school and I was never really super interested in it. But for some reason, I got so excited when I found out that I got in. Mid-December, early decision admission decisions came in. I was unsure of whether or not I would get in. When I logged in and found out that I was accepted, I was not excited at all. I literally was pretty much emotionless about it. After a while, I did get a bit more excited but something never felt right.
Around March/April, I got really freaked out and wanted to break the contract and go to the school closer to home. I didn’t. Eventually, I found my roommate through Facebook, and everything seemed to be going ok.
Until orientation. I had really bad anxiety about it and ended up throwing up in the parking lot. Orientation was not bad but I was counting down the hours until it was over. Then move in came along and I again could not stop getting these unrelenting panic attacks. I could barely eat, I couldn’t stop crying. And the thing that just kept playing over and over in my head was, “I don’t want to be here.” I decided to try it out anyway because “I can always transfer.” Which is what I have been telling myself for months.
Now that I am here, it isn’t the worst. But it’s also not great. I really enjoy my classes and the business program that I am in. The school has a really great reputation so I worry that leaving that will limit my opportunities to get internships and jobs in the future. I also enjoy walking around on campus to and from class. But I don’t really like being here. It’s a small college town and it seems like everyone is hardcore fans of the school. I love school pride but I just don’t have it here. I feel trapped on campus since there is really nothing around - it’s a 1-hour bus ride to Walmart.
I am also having a hard time making friends. I have tried talking to people on my floor, joining clubs, group projects in class. But I don’t really feel like I fit in. I am shy at first so I worry that even if I transfer, I’ll have the same problems wherever I go. But, even in the beginning, when I would talk to people, I just never got anywhere. People already seemed to have their groups and weren’t interested in new friends. I am also worried that if I did transfer that it would be even harder making friends. Does anyone have any experience making friends as a transfer? I have a long time to think about it but I would love any advice.