If the financial situation just doesn’t allow for dorm life, then I think it doesn’t matter if he is in the dorm for one or two semesters. I guess it will be harder to say goodbye to it the longer he has lived in a dorm, but the finances are what they are. Maybe he can consider a transfer or renegotiate his financial aid package or take a part time job to partially offset the dorm expense if he really wants it. Or apply for an RA position?
I read the thread on the same topic in the College life. I find your current relationship with your son concerning. He has no access to his own funds. You are giving him small amounts as you decide. You know his bedtime every night and his wake up time every day? You know when he has a library room reserved? Whether he goes or not. Either this young man’s development will be stunted by excessive parental involvement or your relationship with him will be greatly damaged in the future.
His grades are good. His actions are normal for a Freshman. He needs space to become a man. To make some mistakes if need be on his own. He should look for an apartment and roommates for next year. It would cost much less than $7000 probably. He needs space to become a man not a child.
@Collegetime2, you truly need to reset your mindset here or your relationship with your son could be damage beyond repair. He sounds like a decent kid. Expect that the values you’ve worked to teach him will kick in and he will progress to a good man. Letting him fly right now is good for him. It can be good for you too if you’ll let it.
"and it’s only for this first year. We never intended it to be more than one year because of the cost. "
And what about next year? You think he’s going to come home and be happy about it?
We send our kids off to gain independence, not come home to live with parent’s rules.
@Collegetime2 I don’t have much to contribute here, having not yet sent a child to college, but I did want to say this: As a professor, I often see students struggling to keep up with the work and with their social lives and everything in between, esp freshmen. And for the ones who really flail, I wonder if a parent could’ve helped sooner, thus avoiding the rather extreme solution of having to withdraw. I’ve served on a committee that reviews withdrawal requests and very often the parents were the last to know that something was wrong. FWIW, I think it’s positive that your child talks to you about his life and what his challenges are.
His rudeness is neither acceptable/unacceptable. It just is. It likely is in response to how you treat him and expect to be treated. Back off. He is an adult and shouldn’t be under your microscope. How did you ever find out his activities and grades to date? He must communicate with you a lot more than most college freshmen. Semester break is upon you and it may be a good time for him to reset his social life.
Commuting “20-30 minutes” each way every day sounds terrible. Did you consider the costs of his owning a car, paying the insurance, gas, maintenance and campus parking? Do you expect to behave better towards you when under your roof and you trying to control his activities? Will that improve his decent grades?
When he is home after first semester have a discussion with him about pros and cons of dorm life. Once he is home after being used to campus living freedoms he may decide he can cope better or decide he would rather live at home and commute. At least he did have the freshman college dorm experience- a once in a life time opportunity. You may want to find out the costs of breaking the dorm contract as well.
It is his life, he is an adult. He will never do what you think he should. Sometimes it is much better to only know the big picture- kid did at least a B average, has a major and graduates. Do not micromanage.
@wis75 I have a son in college and the only way there would be that much communication is if it was forced by the parent. I don’t know any fellow college parent who is so involved in their young MAN’S life. I’m sure it is greatly stressing the student. It sounds like he doesn’t know what to do with his anger and thus the rudeness. If I did this to my kid they would be emasculated and embarrassed. We did have friends who were involved in their sons lives to an above average amount. As soon as they could get away they got far away and rarely come home. This kid is doing very well with his grades. Don’t give him an excuse to rebel even more.
@gearmom, I completely agree with you.
“The partying, drinking, etc., are part of the college experience”
Here I thought I had had a college experience! I guess I missed out.
@Hanna You never went to a party your whole time in college?
Me either. Well, I guess I did show up for awhile at the end of one school year floor wapatooli party (our house dues went for a new metal garbage can and everything under the sun put in it- dislike tea but couldn’t tell it was there…). Had to get to bed for the next morning’s MCAT, fortunately the floor was U shaped and the noise around the corner. Was it legal? Hardly although the drinking age was 18 by then. The fall of freshman year I did go to the beer bars (Wis had varied laws in my youth) with people from my floor but only drank less than 1/3 of a glass- didn’t like it.
It is normal for college freshmen to experiment with their freedom. Most settle down because otherwise they won’t pass their classes. btw- parents can’t force conversation, if you’re lucky they will answer calls but certainly know how not to give information. There have been threads about this in past years- sons not communicating. MAN/WOMAN- make it ADULT.
OP- the surest way to get your son to be wild the rest of the semester is to threaten to remove him from the dorm. When he is home you can ask him if he would prefer to come back, if it is affordable to do so (signed year’s contract after all).
@wis75 If their enrollment at college has been put on the line, the adult students will feel pressured to communicate. But this is certainly an extraordinary amount of information being passed. Almost 24/7 surveillance from parents.
What happened to the OP?
I don’t think it is totally unreasonable for a parent to talk to a son every day. My friend’s does. I know he’d be very lonely at school and I was right. Now some of these contacts are just texted or pictures of the dog, but I’m sure she knows when he’s not in his room or if he’s skipping classes. Do I think it is too much? Yes, but he’s not my kid. I tried to let my kids call me when they wanted to talk. I’d send a text or something in the mail if I needed to get a little Proof of Life, but I think we have much less contact than most. My sister probably talked to her son and daughter every day during their first semesters.
@twoinanddone Well he is now being rude and threatening to quit school if forced home so sounds like this kiddo wants space.
@twoinanddone, my girls also call or text me frequently so I agree that necessarily doesn’t make for an unhealthy relationship. However, there are also boundaries there. Their study schedules are their own. I occasionally hear about social activities, but I’m sure they’ve been sanitized. Over the years, there has been roommate/housemate problems or work issues that they’ve shared. I’ve tried to keep my involvement to a “sounding board” status so that they learn to navigate the issues themselves. Most often they know exactly how to handle something. They just need to work it through out loud with someone.
Honestly, I think this transition time to parents’ of adult children is among the hardest stage of parenting. They need us and yet they need independence. We need to have their backs, but not lead them by the hand. It’s not for the faint of heart.
“You never went to a party your whole time in college?”
Sure I did. No concerned parent would ever call that attendance “partying.” We don’t use that verb to describe what 6-year-olds do on one another’s birthdays, either, even though they are going to parties.
@Hanna I guess. I don’t know how the parents know exactly what has happened when he goes out with his friends. I also don’t know adult men who do not have access to their own bank accounts with their own earnings. Who have parents who have control of these accounts and only give out $10 to $15 a week and monitor that spending and question if it is used on food.
The whole thing is surreal to me. I’m sure there is a very interesting other side to this story. Some people might call this “concerned” parenting and others would use a different word.
^Actually in the college student context I would assume that someone who says “partying” means “goes to parties and has a good time.” Particularly because she listed drinking separately. What else does partying mean?
Few college freshmen are used to being around a lot of other 18-19-year-olds in one living space. It takes some people some time to adjust.
Many college students don’t eat well. Thank god for good metabolisms in late adolescence and early adulthood. There’s a reason they call it the freshman 15!
Going to bed at 2 am is pretty normal, and missing one class for the entire semester is a pretty good clip. I think by this point in the semester I’d missed at least two sessions of each class in my first year 
There doesn’t sound like there’s any non-financial reason to pull him out.
I also chat/text with my freshman daughter every day – but I don’t micromanage. She gladly gives me plenty of information – I do ask about lacrosse and class because I am interested in her life and she knows that. I do sometimes pepper in a bit of unasked for advice lol; but not alot so she doesn’t seem to mind. But yes as long as the kid is getting decent grades which As/Bs are then I would let it be. But I wouldn’t let him dump on you when he is stressed either.
My D is thankfully getting good grades but her LAX coach makes them show grades and honestly she is more worried about disappointing coach than ME! LOL
Oh and my D’s bank accounts are attached to mine – it is convenient for us both when something is needed. Also, I do help my freshman with budgeting (she stinks at it and she knows it) - I give her some of her own money every month but she agreed to that.