My child transferred to one of the highly competitive boarding schools discussed on this site in Grade 11. We thought it was a wonderful opportunity for a great education afforded to her thanks to her athletic abilities as well as her success in school to date. After a year at this boarding school her marks have dropped significantly. She has struggled with the class participation requirements and has experienced significant classroom anxiety. She wants to return to the school in September to do her final year of high school but based on her lower marks we’re not sure it’s in her best interest to return. It’s very hard to know whether or not it’s worth the stress and anxiety. She has never asked to leave boarding school. The school is excellent and she has had many positive experiences but the lower grades are worrisome. She is working very hard at her academics and thriving in multiple sports. Has anyone had to make this kind of decision? Any similar experiences?
Thanks for your thoughts.
At many of the top boarding schools, there is not grade inflation like one often finds at public school. Basically all your peers come from the top 5 or 10 percent elsewhere. It’s not unusual for a formerly straight A student to start getting Bs and sometimes lower. Yet, these students can still get into great colleges. If your daughter has the sports ability that would enable her to be recruited, all the better.
Also, the academic rigor she is facing will prepare her well for college. What she’s discovered in her first year of BS many don’t learn until they go off to college - the realization that in a bigger pond, one isn’t quite that big of a fish any longer. Better to learn it earlier and adapt where there is more support systems, IMO.
If she still wants to attend, I’d let her. If she is facing anxiety in the classroom, I’d have her talk to both the campus counselor and also her advisor and teachers. They might share some coping techniques to manage stress as well as practical tips and strategies to increase participation.
I would be far more concerned about the anxiety than the grades. Have her talk to her therapist.
@doschicos is on the right track. The OP really needs to better define terms:
What does that mean? If you/she went in with the expectation that a 4.0 (or the BS equivalent) would be maintained, then the expectation was unreasonable. If the new grades are in the 2.5 range, then she might indeed be struggling acadmically.
According to whom? Her? Her advisor? What other feedback/suggestions has the advisor provided.
Really, there is too little information provided for us to help. Your first step should be with the team on-campus. That said, if your D feels comfortable returning, and the advisors/counselors feel she can adapt/adjust, I see no reason not to let her return.
“She is working very hard on her academics and thriving in multiple sports.”
Sounds like you may have had slightly unrealistic expectations regarding the academic intensity at her world renowned boarding school.
It is a big adjustment academically, but due to her success in athletics, your daughter should be able to handle the intellectual growth demands placed on all students at this school.
Talk to the school counselors for some coping/adjustment suggestions & reassurances.
P.S. FWIW After finishing boarding school, your daughter should adjust easily to an academically demanding college or university. Growing pains often involve a brief loss of confidence. She needs to better understand where she is at & with whom she is learning.
In the absence of the information to which @skieurope refers, the quotation above from the original post speaks the loudest to me. If college admissions is your primary concern, I tend to think along the lines of @doschicos. I also agree with her view that it’s better to struggle a little now than in undergrad. If, however, your main concern is the ranking of the undergraduate school to which your child will matriculate, you should consider how it will look if your child now leaves the BS to attend the prior, easier school and achieves higher grades again. It may look like your child didn’t want to take on the challenge of the more rigorous environment, which could conceivably cut against college admissions at the most selective universities. In view of your child’s desire to return, and the presumably greater opportunity to grow and be stretched at BS, I would probably lean towards allowing her to stay, absent any material concerns about mental health. Consider also the friendships your child has made at BS. My child would not trade them for the world.
Academic insecurity/shock/underperformance or whatever label one wishes to place on it is not uncommon at elite prep boarding schools such as Andover, Exeter & St. Paul’s. If your daughter was not enjoying success in another facet of her boarding school experience, I might suggest reconsidering the move. But it seems as though she is fitting in well & her self esteem should be intact due to her other successes. She just needs a better appreciation & understanding of her new environment.
As an aside: As a courtesy, I edit application essays. Mostly they are law school personal statements, but I also have done hundreds of college & prep school application essays. I am often shocked at the poor quality of thought evidenced in the writing of straight A students coming from other schools.
An academically elite prep boarding school is a very challenging & demanding environment. If she stays & grows she will reap rewards for the rest of her life.
Thanks for your thoughts. I wouldn’t say that we had unrealistic expectations. The style of teaching appears to be the piece that is causing her the biggest challenge. The Harkness method has been a big adjustment for her. Speaking up in front of her peers in every class is the daily expectation. She can handle the academics and likes the challenging curriculum especially math - but her shyness is an issue. We expected with the small class sizes and supportive teachers she would find her voice. Hopefully with more counselling/support she will. Once again the school is fantastic and has offered her support.
That first year is a big adjustment and many students under perform a bit and then go on to soar the next year. Starting at a new school as a junior is particularly tough but I definitely feel staying the course is your better option, and you may find that when your daughter returns in the fall to familiar faces and routines, her anxiety drops and her grades increase. Very few boarding school students achieve their full potential their first year away from home.
Also: The Harkness method requires adjustment, but is much better preparation for real life. If she can find her voice at boarding school, it will serve her well when she is in her first work meeting after college! Boarding school is not just about preparing for college admissions 
Transferring in as a junior is REALLY tough. It sounds like in spite of the difficulties, she’s embraced the challenge. The fact that she wants to return is the key. Based on the short description above, I would guess that she continues to excel in her athletic endeavors, and that probably keeps her self-esteem intact. If she is going the athletic recruitment route, it’s probably helpful that she is coming from the kind of school she is.
Most kids at BS were in the top 10%of their class wherever they came from, and now 90% of them are not. (This pattern repeats itself at selective colleges and again at selective grad schools.) For a kid who has some part of his/her self-worth tied up in that – and let’s face it, the system makes it hard not to with academic prizes, honor rolls, etc. – finding oneself as a struggling student rather than the academic superstar can be more than humbling! It sounds like she is figuring out how to handle her school’s style of teaching as well as the rigor and is taking all of it as a learning challenge. As she looks at colleges, she also has a good basis for determining what kind of environment would suit her best based on experience, so that’s another benefit.
If she is experiencing clinical stress and anxiety – and it’s hard from your post to know if she is finding this stressful or is actually suffering from clinical anxiety --, I hope that you have good medical resources both at home and at school to support her and that they have weighed in on her decision. I have known kids who were very successful academically in this environment but who found it to be the undoing of their mental health. If she will feel empowered by getting through this and has the resources behind her to do it, go for it. But if your concern is that she is going to have a real crisis and her therapist is also concerned, this is indeed a weighty decision.
Harkness was a real gift for my quiet one, but it was one that took time for her appreciate! As everybody else has said, it genuinely does prepare them for college.
One of mine had to transfer schools part-way through grade 11. Her friend group took a while to sort out, and shifted quite a lot from 11-12, but the time that pod of pals graduated you would have thought they had known each other for years. Six years out, they are still thick as thieves.
Agree with other posters that grades have dropped doesn’t have much context unless we know what the new grades are. I also agree that the Harkness method prepares kids for the real world ( esp. females) who need to have a strong voice to be heard and also learn to listen and build on someone else’s thoughts. Top boarding schools have top students and that means a stronger pool than a public school where the top 5, 10, or 100 kids are in the same category.
If she was in 9th grade, I might switch her ( since grades ARE important for college acceptance). But at this point, she just needs to finish strong. Even a slight trend up is something the colleges will look at carefully. ( She could put the first year in context as a transitional year from one school to another).
As a parent I’d make sure she had mental health care support that helps. And I would make sure she has tutors or whatever she needs to do to succeed in the classroom.
I would also work the communication line with the coach to discuss what s/he thinks is going on, ways to manage school and sports and any ideas they have. I would also contact admin staff and speak to them to formulate a plan together.
One of my kiddos is a kid who never ever wants to speak to teachers outside of class. Doesn’t want to bother any teachers. So coaching is in order. We talk about getting face time and how even if you are doing well showing up and asking questions sometimes shows interest and interest is a good thing.
Some schools have more effective support systems than others, and trust me, there is no correlation with their level of “Eliteness.”
Is the counseling program effective? Is it integrated with support from their advisory program and dorm parents? Does she have a crew of friends? Are the coaches supportive? If you believe there’s a good team supporting your daughter, returning is very likely the best choice.
If there is not, evaluate your options. From our experience, anxiety in 11th grade girls in general, and at boarding schools in particular, is commonplace. One Boarding School official told us that one third of our daughter’s peers were seeing an on-campus Counselor there.
The college rejection process can add more stress, and parents can add to it. It’s largely managing those expectations. Boarding school kids routinely cruise into great schools, imperfect grades notwithstanding.
It is obviously a great opportunity, and leaving after a year will make selective colleges wonder how she will handle the environment there. The parents should be supportive and not worry about lower grades. I would think it would be an adjustment on a number of levels: academically, the pressured atmosphere, and maybe culturally with the background of the students and so on. It is a good idea if she get help with the stress. If she really can’t take it though, it is probably better not to continue, as in that case it isn’t worth it.
@Snowman66 What has your family decided?
She returned to school and is having a great year ?.
So happy to hear that!
Thank you!
This is great! Thanks for the update.