<p>If the first one went to the full ride school instead of list price Georgetown, wouldn’t the money saved have been able to pay for the two others at state universities in many states?</p>
<p>Of course, starting at community college is not a bad thing for many students, even though it seems to be heavily disdained on these forums. But students starting at community college eventually need to finish at four year schools if they want to complete bachelor’s degrees, so the family in question is not completely out of the financial woods just because the later kids started at community college.</p>
<p>I think it’s ok if you’re upfront with what you can pay…(not stretching painfully which is VERY risky since every family has 3-4 unexpected expenses every year…dental, medical, car, major appliance, home repair, etc)</p>
<p>BUT…do not mostly only visit those pricey schools. Those should be few and far between…concentrating mostly on affordable schools. </p>
<p>At the first hint that DD is falling in love with an unaffordable school, you need to nip in the bud and keep reminding her that it won’t likely be affordable. You don’t want to end up in that situation like that Villanova dad in a recent thread…</p>
Summer of sophomore year, choose a part of the country and visit a rural, urban, large university and LAC. You’re not saying they will apply to any of these schools, just get an idea of where preferences lie. For my D, she preferred a mid-sized university in a city near or close to an urban center. We were able to eliminate a ton of schools.
Winter/Spring of Junior year: They should have taken the ACT or SAT at least once. Now you have realistic scores in hand to select schools to vist that meet criteria #1. If merit is important, go to tyhe Common Data Set and make sure their scores EXCEED the mid 50-75%. While you’re in another part of the country, also visit schools that will be safeties. If they like the area, they won’t feel it is as much of a compromise.
If your child is going for the “Double Lottery” - that is getting in AND getting a merit scholarship, save those visits for when you have those acceptances in hand. For example, My D applied to Vanderbilt (a reach) and the Ingram Scholarship. She was a finalist for Ingram (and got it). The school paid for her visit. If she had not received the Ingram, it would have been pointless to visit because we would not have been able to afford it.She also applied but did not visit Emory–she was admitted but did not become an Emory Scholar. It quickly came off the list without any emotion. Families need to be pragmatic and so do their kids.</p>
<p>I might add that DD wrote a total of 51 essays for all of the additional merit scholarships she applied to. She’s in at 8 of 8 schools so far and if you add up all the merit, it’s in excess of $500,000 (for 4 years). It’s possible. It’s hard work and critical to be strategic. But our strategy has paid off and she doesn’t feel like she had to “give up” a dream school. A real “dream school” is one that won’t leave anyone in debt.</p>
<p>@IJustDrive: Or it may be a family that is only now making a high combined salary, had a job loss recently, has no pension and want to retire some day, have more than one kid, are near retirement age, or many other reasons to hold onto tuition money. You seem to suggest that every family that finds the EFC is more than they think they can pay somehow has their priorities wrong. The “hurt” you talk about in your story makes little sense to me - this kid went to a top 25 school and has had a good life. How do you know the parents could “find” the money, because your friend thought they had it? Just because someone doesn’t get everything they want (ie pricey private LAC) does not mean the parents made the wrong choice, or as you seem to imply, a selfish one. Perhaps that is not what you meant, but that is how I read your post.</p>
<p>Focus on the financial safeties first. And remember that Tuition and Fees will always increase. Plane tickets for visits (and same day plane ticket for an unexpected emergency) must be factored into the total costs for your family. There are so very many colleges out there, why not start with the ones that meet your child’s need for major/size/location, etc. that are in your price range?</p>
<p>@mom2and – I wasn’t making judgements. Just rounding out the picture. I think we have an obligation to discuss financial issues with our kids. My friend was hurt because she felt her parents had lied to her and lead her on, not because her life didn’t turn out well. It’s really hard to mend those rifts, and as parents we should consider that our children are intelligent humans who want to be treated as a partner in family decision-making. I’m not at all sure that her parents got what they wanted, and they might have had a better outcome had the discussion come BEFORE the college acceptances, or even before college applications. I see no point in letting the kid dream of a school when you have no intention of letting that child attend (and you have that control). </p>
<p>I told my DD the ballpark I would like to be paying. If she can get merit at a more expensive school, then as long as it comes in that ball park that is great.<br>
So to the OP, be upfront with how much you want to (not could if made to, but comfortably can) pay a year and only look at places that give merit (or are cheap enough).
If you steer her early on, she will look at appropriate schools.</p>
<p>Firstly, I would start by removing the term “dream school” from the family vocabulary. Do not let it be heard.</p>
<p>Secondly, I would not waste time visiting schools that you KNOW your kid would not want to attend. In my experience, the idea that “one rural LAC will give you an idea if you like rural LACs” doesn’t hold up. My kid liked WIlliams and disliked Amherst; loved Yale and the U of C but not Columbia or Princeton or Cornell or Northwestern. So visiting a rural LAC or a mid-sized urban U <em>that is never going to be on the list</em> is a complete waste of time. If it is a possibility, sure, go for it.</p>
<p>Thirdly, I would not visit schools that you absolutely know up front are not going to be affordable. In our case, that meant that we only visited “meets need” schools with deep pockets. Merit schools with iffy need-based aid were off the table. </p>
<p>Admittedly, it is in some ways much easier to confine oneself to real meets-need schools–assuming that your kid is a viable candidate for those schools–because it generally includes the most selective and attractive institutions out there. Having to eliminate them in favor of merit schools can be a more difficult proposition.</p>
<p>My vote is no. If you know you will be full-pay and won’t be willing to pay for a particular school, don’t visit. </p>
<p>I might enjoy touring houses more expensive than I can afford. However, now my own children are house hunting, I do not recommend they tour houses double what they can afford. Sometimes that just makes what is available in their price range look inferior, where they would have been thrilled with the affordable home without the unnecessary comparison. </p>
<p>The merit issue is a difficult one. Is there a strong possibility of merit aid? When you list Duke, Georgetown, NYU, BU, Tufts … do you think your child is going to be a likely candidate for merit aid? Typically those awards are meant to buy kids away from more competitive schools that only have need based aid. If you think your child is in that ballpark, then the child probably also needs to apply to the more competitive schools (and get accepted) because otherwise the merit schools don’t have much incentive to give out those awards to your student. imho- others may have a different experience. </p>
<p>ETA: I went back to look at your front lash thread If you and your husband and your child all like the affordable state school… please don’t visit any more colleges until all your kids have graduated… and get off this website right now! Please don’t make your life more complicated than it needs to be. ;)</p>
<p>Alh, you’re spot-on. First off, my D just isn’t going to qualify for merit aid…she’s really smart but if she lands into one of these elite colleges, it will be by the tips of her fingernails…with loads of brighter kids standing on top of her. And yes you’re right about loving the state school (old threads never die but the siren call of these amazing colleges is so hard to ignore…they call us to their shores…again and again…</p>
<p>I’m with greenbutton. I think you should visit the colleges that your daughter wants to see even if ultimately you decide that they’re not workable for your family. From what you’ve written your daughter seems like a fairly level headed kid who will take to heart your straight talk about financial barriers. </p>
<p>My experience is that it’s not uncommon for kids to want to take the application process as far as they can, just because they want to know. For some, just getting in is enough of a gratification, even if they end up somewhere else because of the money. </p>
<p>Many posters here will remember the daughter who had to forego Yale for a good financial package at a less well known – but still academically strong – Southern LAC. She – and her father – overcame initial disappointment with grace, excelled and ended up at Yale for graduate school.</p>
<p>You know your daughter. As long as you also plan in-depth, positive-attitude visits to schools that you believe you can afford, you should trust her to know how to handle real world choices.</p>
<p>Same for you and your husband. It sounds as if this isn’t a black and white situation and that you might be able to afford some of these pricey colleges if you made other sacrifices. Whether these sacrifices are acceptable or suicidal for your family is something that only you can evaluate. College debt is fearful, but not necessarily devastating. </p>
<p>At this point you’re just gathering information. Once you know more – likes/dislikes, acceptances, financial packages --you can make an informed choice that is right for your family. You’re a year away from final decision time. I wouldn’t eliminate any options yet. </p>
<p>I say that you should visit. There is nothing wrong with knowing what you are turning down. You may be surprised to find that there are aspects of the expensive schools you like which may help you decide on a different affordable school and vice versa. </p>
<p>@Ijustdrive then I apologize. I agree with the discussion beforehand, but reacted to what I perceived as the idea that parents who seemed to make a good enough income to afford the dream school, but felt they couldn’t pay the EFC or thought that the school was not worth the higher cost were somehow failing their child. We were up front with our kids on the costs and how much we could (or were willing to pay). </p>
<p>@southernhope I think we’re in a similar situation. We’re visiting the elite campuses as well as the ones where merit aid will be more within the realms of possibility as well as in-state public schools and those with automatic merit aid. We’re trying to be open to a range of options and realistic about our limitations.</p>
<p>Sometimes you don’t know until you try. Sometimes it seems that the merit aid criteria for a couple of schools that D loves seem to be almost as capricious as what we hear about admissions policies at other universities. We’re visiting and applying, but we’re going to have to sharpen the pencils next year this time and financial feasibility is going to be a consideration.</p>
<p>One thing that we found, too, is that some schools that sound great on paper didn’t strike D as being right for her after a visit, so a trip to the school has sometimes helped her accept the “inevitable”. For example, financially, as an oos student, UCB would have broken the bank for us, but we visited anyway. For reasons that are probably peculiar to her, D felt better crossing it off the list after the visit. </p>
If you and your husband and your child all like the affordable state school… please don’t visit any more colleges until all your kids have graduated… and get off this website right now! Please don’t make your life more complicated than it needs to be. ;)</p>