<p>Basically I spent the last 3 years of college going to a small, crappy satelite campus 30 miles away from the main campus. The everyday commute was 30 minutes so it was hard to be on campus all the time. Im also a very shy person (social anxiety is probably more accurate) and I dont currently have any friends. I am going to be moving on campus this fall because I need to take classes there now and I really want to become more social and actually have a life. Im going to have to have a 5th year in school because I changed my major so many times, so I'll have 2 years living on campus. I basically have a few questions:
1) Will it be weird being a newbie on campus even though its technically my fourth year?
2) Will moving on campus help break my shyness.
3) The campus is notorious for being a commuter campus, but will I still find genuine friendships?
4) Will people think I'm a loser because of my shyness and lack of friends? Sometimes it seems like its the people who already have friends who continue to make more friends. Im afraid people will think Im a weirdo for not having any friends</p>
<p>I know that the answers to these questions depend a lot on me, but in general could I please get some advice. Thank you.</p>
<p>Edit: Im also an overweight girl and Im worried about that as well.</p>
<p>Will you have an orientation when you get to the new campus? If you do, you should definitely take advantage of that. It’s probable that some of these people will be coming into the campus for the first time and not have friends there yet, so they’ll be in the same boat as you. Be open to meeting these people, make it your goal. If you start a conversation and seem genuinely interested in getting to know them, people will react. </p>
<p>Moving to the dorms can definitely help make you less shy, but not without you actively trying to change that. Make sure you introduce yourself to your neighbors as soon as you can, and invite them to have dinner with you or something. No matter what, make sure you have a real conversation with them - if you only say hi and leave after a short introduction, they might think you’re just being polite and aren’t interested in becoming a friend. Also, keep your dorm room door open. When your neighbors walk by, especially in the first few days, they might notice you’re there and invite you wherever they’re going. Obviously you should accept if you can. Invite them whenever you’re going somewhere, also.</p>
<p>Join clubs that interest you - they’re definitely a good source for friends. A lot of people form their circle of friends from clubs. Talk to people in your classes. </p>
<p>Basically, just have confidence in meeting people. If you have the mentality you’re not going to make friends or that people are going to think you’re a loser, then you’re going to make yourself miserable and it will be hard for people to get closer to you. Just be friendly, genuine, and laid back. If you treat people like friends, they’ll become friends.</p>
<p>Thanks. My school doesnt have an orientation and I know that I have to put myself out there. Sometimes I just feel weird meeting people though because I dont really have a life to share with them and make them interested. I feel like all my years being socially awkward has put me behind. Hopefully I’ll meet some really sweet people who understand that Im shy and trying to fix it. I just dont want everyone to either try and make me go drinking and partying, or leave me behind because Im not outgoing.</p>
<p>You’d be surprised at how dorm life is surprisingly not as vivacious as one would assume that it is. A lot of it centers around Facebook and Halo tournaments.</p>
<p>Since you’re so shy, you’ll have enough social exposure to bring you out of your shell, but not so much that you have problems with people. Good thing you aren’t going Greek, because that is a lot more social exposure.</p>
<p>Do get some help for your shyness. The college counseling center should be able to help you. Shyness is one of the easiest mental health problems to treat, and college counseling centers have lots of experience with helping shy students come out of their shells.</p>
<p>Living on campus will help you meet people, but doing so will more than likely happen through your being able to participate in campus clubs and similar things. Do get involved in some activities that interest you. Community service tends to attract nice, welcoming people. Doing an activity like that with others will give you things to talk about with people who you’re doing those activities with.</p>
<p>If there’s a theater group, that also tends to be a welcoming group. There always is a need for people to help backstage – finding costumes and props, building sets, helping with lighting, etc. They’ll teach you: experience isn’t needed. Theater people are some of the most friendly, welcoming people you’ll ever find. You’ll also get skills and experiences that will help you get involved with community theater after you leave college. </p>
<p>With the kind of activities that I mentioned, what you look like isn’t important. How much you help out is important.</p>
<p>Try to get involved in a group for transfer students–schools often have those.
And no one knows you don’t have any other friends unless you tell them.
Befriend other lonely-looking people, they will appreciate it</p>
<p>As a former painfully shy teenager, I can tell you that the easiest way to make friends is to introduce yourself when you first move in. Don’t wait until you find the courage to do it – do it the first time you see someone new, or it will be too late. Repeat everyone’s name so you have a chance to remember it. Later, make sure you use their name and remember the details of what they told you about themselves. At first, this will be difficult, but the more you do it, the better you will become at it. It’s okay to say, “I’m sorry – I forgot your name.” Above all, be yourself. Let people get to know you. And don’t worry about what they think of you – your real future friends will like you for who you are. </p>
<p>But you can’t wait until people come to you. Join a few clubs on campus. Talk to the people sitting next to you in class. If you are doing well in a class and you know someone is struggling, offer to do an informal study session with him/her. If you are struggling and you know someone is doing well, ask if that person would mind helping you better understand the material. (And buy that person lunch or a snack to show your appreciation.) Leave your door open most of the time, and make sure your back isn’t to the door. If you know someone on your hall was worried about a test, leave a little note on her door saying that you were thinking of her. Know from Facebook when someone has a birthday? Buy a balloon, and tie it to her door. At first, this will be really, really tough for you.</p>
<p>You can practice your social skills by talking to people in line at stores or sitting next to you in church or on the bus. You aren’t going to exchange any meaningful information; however, to get over being shy, you need to converse with strangers.</p>
<p>Friendships are not instantly formed. They take work and dedication. </p>
<p>In some ways, you will always be shy; however, the habit of doing outgoing things such as striking up a conversation will take away most of your discomfort. I always consider it one of my crowning achievements that people laugh when I tell them I used to be painfully shy. They cannot believe it.</p>