<p>:) My MIL tells about reading books to her 5 boys, one of whom is named "Roy." When she read the book title, "Billy Goat's Gruff" he wanted to know, "Why can't there be a 'Roy Goat's Gruff'?" </p>
<p>Yikes, that last sentence was hard to punctuate. </p>
<p>Anyway, these lessons begin early: fair doesn't equal equal.</p>
<p>I think it's pretty much impossible to do this, at least in my family's case. My brother went to a local university where my father is a professor. He lived at home for all four years. The total cost of his degree was less than $15000.</p>
<p>On the other hand, I'm going to Cornell next year, a cost of $50000 per YEAR. As you can see, it wouldn't really make sense to just hand by brother $40000 every year, because that wouldn't really help anyone in the end.</p>
<p>I think it really depends on the family and the family situation. In some cases I think you need to be as equal as possible, in others that is not the case. If the kids are similar in performance, skills, etc, you should try to have parity when possible. On the other hand if one is an average student, while another is a great student with great scores, there is nothing wrong with differential spending as it were. It is what may happen in life to the kids (assuming no change occurs), if one works hard or is more capable than the other. </p>
<p>D was on a tour at Penn when she heard a mother say to one of two twins she had with her in response to one kid's complaint, you will go to Penn State, not Penn as your brother will because you cannot get in to Penn and will not do the required work. Penn State is your level and Penn is your brother's.</p>
<p>Agree with CC parents...parity implies that each child is the same---equally...not the case, at least in our family of 3 children.</p>
<p>We told both of our (2) kids that there would be enough in the bank for each of them to attend an instate public. Some of the funds are in their names so it is legally theirs at 21 if it has not been spent. </p>
<p>S1(very good student) is at State U. on a full ride. When he graduates he will have money in the bank minus that which was spent(with our approval) to buy him a used truck last yr. S2 (very average student) will be a freshman at a different State U. (costs same as brother's sch) in Aug. He got no aid of any kind so will be paying full freight.
S2 will have very little ,if any, money left in the bank when he graduates but did recently get a used truck (handed down from DH who bought a diff. used truck for himself) that is in very good shape and should last him through college and beyond so will not have to purchase a vehicle upon graduation. </p>
<p>We have never considered making S1 hand over part of his college money to S2. They have always known that each has his own separate fund earmarked for college. S1 worked a lot harder all along and earned his scholarships, thus he will have the money saved to start out on. S2 is not as academically gifted but could have worked much harder and chose not to. He will still have the exact same educational opportunities as his brother (the most important part) and graduate debt free. If he needs some help getting "set up" after graduation, we will help him but it will not come out of S1's fund (which he will already have control of by that time).</p>
<p>We will end up paying more for my son to attend the same U his sister did, because our income is rising and we have one fewer member of the household than when DS was in school. Both kids turned down full-ride opportunities for this school and I'm not sorry they did... although I will be HAPPY, HAPPY to be done paying in 3 more years. We did discuss with DS the financial ramifications of his choosing this school, and he was willing to take out the small amount of loans needed for him to attend. Although it would have been nice not to have to pay for his college education, it would not have seemed fair to not let him attend the same U his sister did. He worked hard in high school and deserved the same opportunities. In our case, we decided that "equal" is fair.</p>
<p>Two Bible stories come to mind related to this topic. In the story of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32), when the prodigal son returns and the father throws a big party, the other brother is angry, presumably thinking that this is "not fair." The father replies that he is celebrating because "thy brother was dead, and is alive again; and was lost, and is found." I assume that the objective of all CC parents is for your children to get on the right track. Hopefully, it is also the hope of each sibling that his brothers and sisters would also get on the right track. Some kids are fairly mature at age 17 or 18. Others may take some more time. While it may seem "fair" for all siblings to receive exactly the same financial amount, instead the entire family can / should be rejoicing when one of the family members who has gotten involved with the wrong crowd, started with poor study habits, etc., has turned his life around. If it is financially possible for a family to have this redemptive attitude (without enabling irresponsibility or laziness), then the entire family gains.</p>
<p>In Matthew 20:1-16, the owner of the field decides to pay all workers the same, independent of when they began working. The point here is that it is not the worker's (i.e. student's) job to question how the money is allocated. If he is receiving the financial deal he was promised, then it is none of his business if the distributor of the money decides to be merciful and to give someone else a "better deal."</p>
<p>This is not purely theoretical for me. My oldest son went off to USC with a full-tuition scholarship but did not receive excellent grades. He transferred back to the University of Pennsylvania (and we are not wealthy but will not receive financial aid) to finish his last couple years, and he is now doing extremely well and has an excellent group of friends. I also have a daughter who "was born mature" and chose to attend a school with a (nearly) full tuition scholarship, rather than some more prestigious schools. I certainly wish my son had turned his life around sooner, but I am extremely thankful that it happened. My daughter intends to attend med school, and I plan to try to help her to graduate with minimal loans. But my overall goal is for all four of my kids to be on the right track, and if that requires unequal spending, then so be it. Hopefully, each of my kids knows that I have finite resources and spend my money thoughtfully and unselfishly, but definitely not in equal dollar amounts for each kid.</p>