Siblings at same boarding school...or not

Our oldest son is at a boarding school as a junior right now and his younger brother is applying to schools as either an incoming sophomore or junior (he’s a sophomore now, but may repeat a year…still deciding on that). We are fairly confident our son will gain acceptance into his brother’s school, and if he went there, it would be appealing in terms of having them in one place, which would make visits easy, etc. However, our younger son is a stronger student versus our oldest and can possibly gain acceptance into a more academically rigorous school. Part of me doesn’t really care about that and would prefer to have them together, especially because we know this other school well now and know it could be a good fit for him too. But, the other part of me doesn’t want to short change our younger son and therefore want to encourage him to challenge himself more. Obviously, this will come down to his decision depending on where he gets in, but I’m curious to know if anyone has had good/bad experiences with siblings at the same and/or different schools.

It’s been a good experience so far for my two kids, who are close in age and opposite sex. It was sometimes hard to keep our parental opinions out of the decision making process, as our daughter was fortunate to have several great and compelling options besides her admission to her brother’s school. In the end, we scheduled 3 revisits. Her revisit to her brother’s school was second, and she was able to stay on campus and hang out for a little while at the end of the official revisit with her hostess for the day. We left for coffee, and when we came back for her, she said she wanted to find her Admissions associate (presumably for a thank you for the revisit day, as we were off to # 3 visit the next day) and she walked out with a big grin announcing that she had made her choice and was it possible to cancel the next stop. They have circles of friends that overlap a bit and different interests on campus, but as parents it is nice to know that they have meals together, see each other’s sporting events occasionally and have some extra support on campus if needed! And I like knowing that long after they are out of school, it is another layer of shared experience for the years to come, and means overlap in friendships and traditions. In the end, I think her happiness is related to her making the choice and not feeling like the choice was pushed or directed by us. Good luck!

Thank you, this is very helpful. I’m glad to hear it’s been a good experience. My sons both play the same sport so I’d worry a little about them competing with one another, but they play different positions so I think it would be ok.

Two daughters, 3 years apart. @Zookeeper7 captured it. From “They have circle of friends…” on is my exact sentiment. Note, though, that part of the interview process was a question about whether she had any siblings in boarding school, if so, where, and is she applying to the same school. I felt some opportunities may have been closed to DD to “protect yield” when other schools found she had a sister at a school where she was applying (and likely to get in).

DS has several friends with siblings at his school. Off the top of my head many are one year apart & same sex. It seems to work for them. One small dorm was at least half siblings (girls dorm) - clearly it worked because they could have made different housing choices.

What do the kids think about it?

All four of our kids have attended the same school. The first 2 were a year apart, and outside of the typical dating each other’s friends drama , it was awesome. Second set is there now and wouldn’t have it any other way. Luckily their school meets both of their needs. By the time our 4th was applying, we figured it wasn’t worth the time to try to explain to other schools that our youngest might make other choices- and only applied to one school.

We have two at St. Andrew’s who are both thriving, though no thanks to sibling support, inasmuch as we can tell. (Lots on campus don’t even make the connection between them, which says more about our kids than them.) Rather, it’s the support each has found separately that seems so helpful. My main point, however, is that this school has a pretty high percentage of siblings concurrently attending, with larger families doing the “vegas” thing above at #6. It seems to work pretty well at SAS. So, in addition to considering how well the siblings might handle the situation, think about the schools habits and trends regarding the same; I’d prefer those that have a track record, but not rule out others on the face of it.

We see the siblings attending the same school quite often. It seems like the first kid to attend blazes the trail for their siblings at a particular school; this is especially noticeable with the day students. When a younger sibling knows what will be required to succeed because their older brother or sister has succeeded, that makes the younger sibling a much better bet for success–and when any washouts among the day students are most likely going to stay in the area, that’s bad mojo for the school, making the safer bed all the more attractive. Purely anecdotal, of course, but the pattern is apparent to the applicant families when it comes time to decide if and where to apply every year.

My son started at his school a year before his twin sister. It is so much better for them to be at the same school and much easier for us. FYI, they are both very strong students at a school that accommodates a fairly wide academic range. It works out well in that they probably have more opportunity to shine than they would at a school where they were closer to the average, but there are still lots of kids at their level and plenty of academic rigor. If both those things are true of your older son’s school (kids at S2’s level, course content he won’t outgrow) and if you have been satisfied with the school, I don’t think you have a reason to look elsewhere. If you’re not sure about the academics, maybe it would be helpful to talk to the academic dean?

can any of you share any siblings financial aid stories? That’s one of our concerns–that current school may not/cannot afford to provide significant financial aid to the same family again for our 2nd child…

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We are lucky in that both kids are getting enough FA to make it work.

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Mine very intentionally chose different schools. They both wanted to blaze their own trails. It’s a pain, logistically, but has been really wonderful for both of them.

There are quite a few sibling sets at my son’s school. I think that BS kids often feel that their classmates are “family” so extending that relationship and that community to blood siblings completely makes sense. The international students, in particular, seem to really enjoy being together. My son has very friendly relationships with several of his friends’ younger siblings, so it’s also nice for him – so it does enrich the school environment as well.

Ultimately, it will depend on how comfortable your younger son feels at this particular school. My son also has a number of classmates who have siblings at different schools for any number of reasons. It’s so much about fit! The size of the school may make a difference as well as whether it’s a school that is really good with different kinds of kids or whether it’s one that really excels with a “type”.

As for FA, my sense is that schools like to keep families together – it often makes the relationship with the school stickier, which in the long run is good for them, so I wouldn’t sweat that too much.

In our experience, the school takes a look at what you can contribute to your child’s education and that amount applies to all students. This is another reason that many families stick with one school.

Our two oldest are 16 months apart ( both girls) and pretty much polar opposites and are benefiting from two different BSs and therefor two different friend groups. Both receive FA. It is a ridiculous logistical situation but I would imagine both girls feel like we have a presence at their respective schools. We make a concerted effort to not compare the two schools in front of them. We have two young ones at home. When they are old enough to think about schools, I wonder what will happen then…

My “kid” brother attended the same BS I did. He was a Freshman when I was a senior. We were not necessarily the closest of brothers, we are pretty different. Having him attend the same school as me was awesome. I was able to be on the same hockey team as he did, and to this day I think the favorite check I ever made in many many years of playing was against a kid that took a check shot at my little bro. But my hit was clean. In any event the point I’m trying to make is that BS gave me the chance to develop a deeper relationship with my brother. I got to play the big brother thing a little bit, but was careful not to over do it. That one year brought use closer together than any other year.

We were not the only siblings in school and I did not see any obvious sibling conflicts.