<p>Some kids sabotage themselves over anxiety of leaving home, not feeling ready/worthy, not sure if they want to go to college. Your D seems to be a very bright girl and part of her behavior maybe due to senior-itis and boredom. Have you sat down with her and had a heart to heart? </p>
<p>My wife and daughter toke a visit to a small LAC monday and did talk about the grade issue. It sounds like it is all of the above - boredom, fear of leaving home, etc. My wife agrees that she needs to go to a school with students at her level to prevent her from sinking to the lowest common denominator. I am OK with this as long as we have a clear understanding of the consequences of poor academic effort. I’m especially concerned about her going to one of the LACs, with merit aid, and losing the aid due to poor grades. I’d like to boast that I would make her transfer to a different, less expensive school if that happens, but the truth is, I’m a bit soft. My wife is probably the one to spearhead this issue.</p>
<p>Luckily, the low grades are not final grades, and therefore will not be reported. </p>
<p>I hope she rises to the occasion, as other posters have reported their children did. I agree with others however that the time has passed for me to be able convince her that college will be less tolerant of her habits.</p>
<p>Sounds like good parental intervention has happened. I hope she is able to salvage her semester to have the same options she did last fall. Knowing she has your support should help with fears et al. Good luck to her/you.</p>
<p>Perhaps she’s just not ready for college, and spending a year or two working would help her figure out her priorities</p>
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And I am sure your D knows that. I never give a threat if I couldn’t follow through.</p>
<p>i failed a class senior spring (a required one, english) and the only college that accepted me, they took that acceptance back, they rescinded me. but hey if that’s how the college was going to treat me, if their policies were really that cold and heartless, then i didn’t want to go there anyway! i still appealed because what was i going to do, accept that i was a disgrace to my own family. not so easily, i was going to get readmitted, then go take it up with the school once i got there, and petition them to change their cold and heartless ways. that never happened though since my appeal was denied. when i said they were cold and heartless i meant it.</p>
<p>so yeah, i never went there. instead i took one of those gap years, then got accepted to a no-name state school and commuted to there for two years before getting put on academic probation and then ultimately expelled. now i’m in the middle of another one of those gap years. maybe i wouldn’t have done so well anyway you know, if i had been able to go to the school i got accepted to originally, if my future hadn’t been so full of academic twists and surprises (the D i got in english really was a surprise, i was pretty confident my teacher wouldn’t fail me, knowing what was at stake, and knowing that my school was one that was very interested in getting <em>all</em> its students into a 4-year school), so i wonder if things would have panned out good anyhow. i mean, i was as optimistic about college as anyone back then. so there were some good signs. optimism is a good sign. good signs are the things optimists looked for. i know because i used to look for them when i was an optimist. but after that first gap year, after that year i read on the internet nonstop and had my mind warped beyond fixing, nothing was ever the same, academic success never seemed so far away or unattainable. my optimism for life was gone.</p>
<p>@omgmakesmesmarter :
Rescinding a student for getting a D or an F in a core class isn’t “cold and heartless”. It’s normal. Why should they take a student who’s shown he’s unable to complete basic high school level work or motivates himself enough to pass a core competency class? Especially when your attitude comes off as so entitled (it’s the university’s fault, I was counting on my teacher not respecting the rules…) During a gap year, students work, do productive things, and you didn’t. Time to get your act together - your mind is not “warped beyond fixing” if all you did is read on the internet, ie., no drugs, and get yourself into community college, perhaps only 4 classes to start with, aim for A’s and 4 hours of work every day.</p>
<p>OMG, you are young, don’t give up. Consider yourself a realist, not a pessimist.</p>
<p>OP, tough situation. Your daughter may well pull it all together, and see the change to college as refreshing enough to really get her act together. Or she might not. You have done or are doing what you can: talk to her, lay out the options. This is one of those growing up moments in her life. No drugs or depression or bad relationships? Just ennui?</p>
<p>I’d just say keep an eye on how it goes next year pretty closely. Be ready to have her bail early if there is trouble. You may well lose some money, but maybe she can preserve her gpa for when she is more mature. Be thinking of other options for her, like a job or a gap year volunteering, if she needs something completely different and some growing up time. </p>
<p>Easy for me to say all this, I know. Older son never slacked off and just kept going at it full speed in high school and now in college. Younger son is more a work in progress. I do have to remind myself that I must let him make his own choices and mistakes.</p>
<p>" My wife pays more attention to the day to day school work," This also struck me as odd. A high school senior’s parent is paying attention to the day to day school work? It sounds like your daughter may have severe organizational, attention, maturity, or time management issues if this is still happening at this age. Has your daughter really changed? Or did your wife just stop micromanaging her and now she doesn’t know how to deal with her work, because she’s missed out on the many years she should have been developing that independence?</p>
<p>Random thoughts. “Paying attention to day to day schoolwork” doesn’t necessarily translate to a parent that is is doing school work for a child or a parent that is “micormanaging” every one of their daily assignments…(why do CC’ers jump right in to the most extreme version of things? Good grief!) I know lots of families on the college track that have a similar division of labor - you handle “day to day”, I’ll handle college admissions. </p>
<p>I’m hard pressed to know a kid that makes it to Junior year with a 3.9 gpa who doesn’t have some sort of academic “gameplan” if you will. The “catch-up, grind it out in the end, leave it til the last minute” schtick might not be the most productive way to do things…the healthiest way…but for lots of people (some really successful adults I know included) it’s just their “way”. For every college student who methodologically plans out their study week with post-its and planners, you’ll find ten students who are grinding out an all-nighter to get that paper done. </p>
<p>The current grade situation. Not good. I wholeheartedly agree that she’s got alot to lose if she doesn’t get her act together. And quick. With my own son, (procrastinator extraordinaire, doing fab at at top 5 LAC I add) I poked and prodded him thru senior year. After the circus that was college road trip 2012, the 15 college apps with all that entailed, the sports recruiting hamster wheel, the demands of 4 APs/honors classes to impress said schools…he had about 15 days to enjoy being a senior in high school…and I think that stinks. But sometimes a swift kick in the rear is definately in order and this might be one of those times. Good luck!</p>
<p>Op,
In some ways, I was similar to your D when I was in HS. Smart but not super motivated. was able to do everything at the last minute because it always worked out ok. Started UCLA with my abysmal study skills and ended up getting 1.9 my first quarter with same study techniques. I adjusted my techniques slightly but by no means was any more motivated . Graduated in 4 yr just coasting along. It wasn’t until my late 20s that I because self motived and became a physician. I’ve have 2 kids, 1 motivated and 1 unmotivated. Unfortunately, motivation has to come from within. If you ever do learn how to make a kid more motivated, then let me know and I’ll use it on kid #2.</p>
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<p>Seems like medical school admissions back then were much more lenient about GPAs than now.</p>
<p>“Seems like medical school admissions back then were much more lenient about GPAs than now.”
Isn’t it amazing that one quarter of a 1.9 GPA in college does not totally trash your life? The road to anywhere (success, failure, averageness) does not have to be a direct straight shot. It actually can be filled with twists and turns. </p>
<p>To Op:
- Remind your D that in order for her acceptances to not be rescinded, she should get B-s or higher on her final grades.
- Additionally, there may be a long shot that she is mildly anxious or depressed (and not showing it) about the big changes in her life that might be coming up.
- My D did same thing as yours, let a few exams go by with Cs and Ds in the second semester or senior year and then pulled them up. She states that she wanted to try an experiment to finish the second semester with 0 studying; totally freaked out DH. DD realized after a few Cs and Ds that she would have to study. Her final cumulative GPA fell to something like 3.89 unwtd and her experiment cost her a cum laude award at HS graduation, but at least she got to try it herself.
- Again, if it’s a motivation issue or a “I’ve always procrastinated and it still works out” issue, then it will start to pan out more in college. Just remind her in college to study at least 1 hour every day to not get behind. Also get her the book “How to be a Straight A Student” by Cal Newport, who goes over good study skills, just in case she finds her college study skills sorely lacking when she gets there (or “hits the wall when she gets in college” as you say).</p>
<p>"Hopefully she will figure it out when she gets to college however she wouldn’t be the first freshman to have a huge reality check when first term grades come out… "<br>
Agree with MichiganGeorgia :)</p>
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<p>However, you also mentioned “just coasting along” to graduation, which implies something other than a top-end grades the rest of your college quarters.</p>
<p>yohoyoho- one hour a day? Where did you get that? Unless a kid is majoring in underwater basket-weaving, that seems to be a sure fire way of beginning and ending your college career in one semester. I don’t think any kid taking classes with any academic rigor can keep from flunking out with a one hour a day study schedule, regardless of the college.</p>
<p>OP, if this is useful to you and your daughter, the basic preparation for 1 hour of class is 2 to 3 hours, depending on subject, level of previous preparation, level of the university’s “average” student, and efficient study methods/not.</p>
<p>Wow! stop the attacks! My premise was that a kid should make sure that they study every day, at least 1 hour, rather than trying to cram just before exams or major papers.</p>
<p>Not attacking. But if you’re going to post that it’s possible to go from slacker to physician, you need to make sure you’re not giving the parents bad information. Who among us with a kid on the sofa wouldn’t love to believe that with only an hour of college studying a day, that kid could someday make it to med school???</p>
<p>OP - Sounds like ADHD to me, possibly attentuated by ambivalence toward leaving home this Fall. (This opinion and two bucks will get you a medium cup of dark roast at Starbucks.) You and DW have been working hard at this for several years. You care, you tried. Time to get an independent party involved IMHO. </p>
<p>Yohoho, did you mean one hour per course, or one hour total?</p>