<p>^-^ What she says! I’m 50, but have friends my age with children still in elementary school. I feel so much older than them because, come May, both my kids will have graduated from college. I’m passed the “Johnny won’t do his homework. Should I limit his TV watching.” and on to “Hope the DD’s job includes benies.” and “How long will I have to wait until I get me some grandbabies!” ;)</p>
<p>I like them all, very grown S., my grandchildren (oldest is 11 years old), and D. in college. I appreciate wide range of ages and various age-related interests. However, I also enjoy working full time, exercising 1.5 - 2 hours / every day and having after work activity that I absolutely love.</p>
<p>Due to being very involved in community theatre, I have lots of friends-- real friends – from high school age through young adults with and without kids of their own. I have found that I have more in common with them than with typical empty nesters.</p>
<p>I went to lunch the other day with a visiting friend – my age-- who used to live in my city and she invited some of her other friends from here along.</p>
<p>It was a really dull lunch for me. Most of their conversation was about old times when their kids were young. 3 of the 6 women appeared to be clinically depressed. They couldn’t talk about anything going on in their lives now that their kids are grown and gone. They didn’t seem to have taken up any new hobbies. The most they talked about that was current was their grandkids’ lives or their kids’ upcoming marriages.</p>
<p>These were not old women; They were about 55-62, and some had been empty nesters for 5 or more years.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, yesterday, I had coffee with one of my community theater friends who is in her mid 20s and is moving on to her second permanent job, and just got picked for the lead in a musical that I’m going to be in . Being with her was an upbeat experience.</p>
<p>I think it’s important to find something in your life that is just for you – not for your kids or your husband. Find a hobby or something else that excites you. Otherwise, it’s easy to live in the past and to feel that one’s life is over because our kids have grown up and moved away.</p>
<p>In my case, I have to go to work for 8 hours, otherwise I am very depressed. I found new hobby right after D. has left for college and I love it to the point of obsession, but it is not enough. I need to be busy all the time with activities in great variety, and I do not like cooking, any house chores, except for laundry, reading, TV, being on computer, shopping, going out, going to movies. I just hope that I will never be kicked out, I have no plans to retire, I know that I’ll go straight to the box and under the ground if I do.</p>
<p>I know where you’re coming from, MiamiDAP. I had planned to work well beyond retirement age, but that plan ended when I didn’t get tenure.</p>
<p>I found it is possible, though, to fill up lots of time in interesting community activities that allow me to make a difference and interact with fascinating people.</p>
<p>Yep, unfortunately I have never qualified for tenure, just working regular job, which I love.</p>
<p>Wow, I cannot believe how fast the summer has gone. Only 14 days before D goes of to college, and the house will become an empty nest. A new era begins, as my attention will shift from my D (S left 3 years ago) to myself. Ready or not, here I come?!</p>
<p>Well, we’re getting to that point as well, especially as S has accepted a job 5000 miles from our home & D will head back to school 2500 miles from our home. It will be interesting to see how life unfolds.</p>
<p>Sigh…this is nothing like I expected my life to be. I always thought that my husband and I would appreciate our time together during the college years and then enjoy the retirement that we always planned for. Now I face my empty nest as a widow and I am not looking forward to it at all. The house will sure be quiet. I barely got used to being widowed and now I have to get used to my kids being gone too. Does anybody have any suggestions for me? How do I add some meaning to my life?</p>
<p>Could you make new friends, by joining clubs or volunteering? If you like animals I know the Humane Society looks for people to foster cats and dog until they find a permanent place for them. How about moving closer to other family members, brothers or sisters? We are moving across the country to be in the same state as both D in college and S. If we can find a place with a studio or guest house my mom is moving with us.</p>
<p>"We are moving across the country to be in the same state as both D in college and S. "</p>
<p>Curious about why you’re making such a move. What has it been like adjusting to a new place at midlife? Are you planning to stay in that state even if your D and S move away? </p>
<p>I have lived in 8 different states since graduating from high school. My older S, 26, has lived in 3 different states since leaving high school. After graduating next year, younger S is planning to move to a different state than his college is in, and that’s not likely to be his final place of residence.</p>
<p>“Now I face my empty nest as a widow and I am not looking forward to it at all. The house will sure be quiet. I barely got used to being widowed and now I have to get used to my kids being gone too. Does anybody have any suggestions for me? How do I add some meaning to m”</p>
<p>Condolences on your loss.</p>
<p>Can you take up some activity that you used to do when you were young or that you have never before had time to do?</p>
<p>One of my friends who was widowed decided to get involved in theater, something that she had done a little when she was young. She made many friends in it, and got involved in many interesting things, including being on stage.</p>
<p>She also was in therapy to help with her depression over her widowhood.</p>
<p>Something else that you may want to consider is getting involved in volunteering with some cause that you care about. If you like animals, fostering animals would be a nice way to help fill the empty space in your home and heart. If you like kids, getting involved with a mentoring program might be something you’d enjoy.</p>
<p>“Curious about why you’re making such a move.” </p>
<p>We lived abroad until the kids had to go to high school. The state/town we chose to live in for the past 7 years was a great place for the kids to grow up in, but not as a permanent place. When S chose to major in film and knew his future lay in California we decided to all move that way once he was finished. So D applied only to California colleges. As for the future? No idea. I would like to live near the kids, but if I find a place that I love and they chose to live somewhere else then that is the way it goes. It has really helped though that I have something new to look forward to while my last child is leaving the nest. After all it is not just a new chapter for her, but for me as well.</p>
<p>Yes, I think I need to find some activities. I love kids and animals (thank goodness for my faithful dog!) and I used to be a frequent volunteer in the schools. I would also like to re-learn golf or tennis - those hobbies kind of went by the wayside during the mommy years. </p>
<p>As much as I had hoped to volunteer my time to causes near and dear to my heart, the one major thing I have to do is work more. I have been working a couple of days per week so I could stay home with my daughter during this difficult adjustment. I really can’t live on that though, so I need to find a second job or different job. That was never in my plan, but what can I do? I need the bucks. I guess if I can find something, it would take up a bunch of my time.</p>
<p>You can foster animals while working an additional job. :)</p>
<p>We are just over 2 weeks away from EN status (DD, our only child, heads for gap year abroad at end of month) and looking at last this, last that (as we have been since before HS graduation). </p>
<p>We are focused now on practicalities of the departure (and of a going away part this Sunday) but every now and then sad feelings mix in. We know D is ready to go, is increasingly mature (once graduation and no more over the top TJ homework, she could finally focus on independence things - chores, getting around the city by metro herself, etc, etc) is looking forward. </p>
<p>While we will be glad to not have to deal with K-12 issues any more, we will miss our talks, activities, all the things we did with DD. </p>
<p>Fortunately there will be little time to sit around feeling empty. I will have much to be busy with at work, and DW will need to pitch right into her own job search. In addition to some deferred chores.</p>
<p>On the other hand this will be a slightly rougher than most intro to EN status. DD will be in Israel and will not be home again till May. Unless DW’s job search goes faster and better than I expect, or I got some unexpected bonus, we will not have $$ available for us to go to Israel to visit. (I was thinking of maybe getting a second job myself, perhaps teaching in the evening, but I think that is not looking feasible right now) We will need to learn skype and stuff.</p>
<p>One just left and the other leaves tomorrow. I thought I was ready for this since they’ve been in and out for the last few years, but I have a very heavy heart. I think my husband might have his hands full. One will still be back for a few weeks in the summers and the other one will probably not be back. Part of me is happy to have my “life” back, but I’ve been at it so long I am kind of lost. I know what I am feeling is probably normal and I am the zillionth mom to go through this, but still…</p>
<p>I’m now a few years into empty nest. It’s interesting how it has now become the norm, and when they come home, it feels like an intrusion.</p>
<p>Last weekend at home 
and I am torn between getting every last thing done and spending fun time together. I don’t know what I’ll do without her.</p>
<p>lkf–I vote for fun time.</p>
<p>In retrospect, leaving for undergrad isn’t really leaving. Leaving is when they move out for good to their jobs or graduate school. Those with an undergrad can take heart that they will be back for summers and vacations. Your home is still their home.</p>
<p>Son will be leaving next week with his gf for a job up north. I don’t expect he’ll ever be
here for more than short visits again. As my last kid, this really is it. It’s what we prepared them for and what we wanted for them. Still…<br>
Lots of emotions.</p>