<p>Along with a few other couples with their youngest kids heading off to college this fall (most of whom have been friends since kindergarten; parents as well), we are forming our own “Empty Nest Club”. It started as a joke during one graduation party in June, but has blossomed into a real EC for us parents. My DH has been voted Prez by acclimation (that’s what happens when you leave the group discussion to refresh your beer) and he has already designed a letterhead logo: it includes the name “XXX Empty Nesters…now we’re just winging it”.</p>
<p>Our first activity is a vineyard trip/wine-tasting in October, scheduled around everyone’s first Parents Weekend.</p>
<p>Our kids are 18,20 23,and 30(my son from another marriage).Our only girl is leaving in a few days .I am 56,and would love getting a REAL JOB now as a pre-K teacher …Have Masters in Early Childhood Ed.,certified as Art teacher,got certification for P-3 recently(all As )I have been subbing and get called often to sub,but never had an interview for full-time job.Subbing seems to be the best I can get(I live in NJ ).I volunteer at a nearby hospital ,and exercise alot but I think coming home to a quiet house is the hardest part ,knowing the kids won’t be crashing through anymore.A pet isn’t the answer for us .The worst part is a day when I don’t get called to sub,and most of my friends still work F/T. There is so much quiet, and the day looms ahead,husband is at work… I think about all the people who say they don’t have enough time .I don’t want to overfill my day,because I want to sub if called.(We need the income) with 2 in college .</p>
<p>fauxmaven, you haven’t asked for advice on getting that full time job, but I’ll venture some anyway. I think the term “network” is way overused, but that is what you need to do. At every school at which you sub, make sure you meet the director or principal. I know that you can’t exactly lurk around preschools (without getting arrested) but ask around and try to meet the director of every church and non-profit based preschool in the area…almost all of the will have a pre-K class. Eventually folks will be hiring again and by then you will be the one that everyone thinks of first.</p>
<p>And some general advice to any job seekers out there: Take a close look in the mirror (and ask your young adult daughter if you have one) and determine if your appearance is youthful. I’m not saying dye your hair jet black or anything, but if you haven’t changed your wardrobe or hairstyle since 1996, it’s time. This is on my mind because of a lady at church. She’s in her mid-50s and has never colored her hair - ok, that’s cool if she wants to be gray. BUT, of late, she has grown her hair out and has started wearing it in a *bun…*When she wears her reading glasses, she looks like a “little old lady” out of Central Casting. I have no idea why she thinks she needs to look 20 years older than she really is.</p>
<p>There is definitely some age discrimination out there too. It’s great to look youthful, but how the heck do you even get an interview if you are older on paper than they would like? You really can’t disguise your years of experience, etc.</p>
<p>lkf…networking is the answer to your question too. Sending in resumes blindly doesn’t work for many in this market, especially for older folks. </p>
<p>I’m looking to go back to a corporate job after being on my own for about 8 years. I’ve been successful but I find independent work to be very isolating, especially now as an empty nester. In the past, I’ve made some of my closest friends in the workplace. I still have good friends from jobs over 25 years ago! Plus we could use the benefits now that my older husband is getting close to retirement. </p>
<p>Anyway, it IS tough…this is a BAD time to be looking for a job. But I’ve slimmed down, got a new hairdresser ( I was in a hair “slump”), bought some nice suits from Ann Taylor and Banana Republic and I’m set. I’m revving up my networking but the hardest part for me is that I tend to take long-term projects with clients that take me out the market for a while, and I have to stop doing that and focus on a job search. Easier said then done…since these projects pay good money and therefore are hard to turn down! Anyway, good luck to those out there who are looking. Having some cyber-support is very helpful!</p>
<p>Missy Pie-Thanks for the ideas-most people think I am 45ish,not 56.My hair is amazing-little gray .My D thinks I look nice (she is brutally honest).I have a permanent 3 months pregnant tummy-people often ask when I am due! I have 4 kids and I am about 35-40 pounds overweight .I exercise daily,30-45 min. but don’t push hard.I live in NJ,where there have been recent teacher lay-offs.I have applied to many P/T childcare jobs and nobody seems interested in an experienced mom-they all seem to ask for college students ,and I am not interested in a job with cleaning involved .I applied to Whole Foods,and part-time is either involving 5:30 AM start or working till 10:30 at nite, which is too much for me.Many other retail jobs involve weekends or nite hours,which I don’t want.That’s why subbing is great-the kids and the right hours.I work in mostly inner city schools.The pay is very good ,although most teachers are 25-35( I ask)and teachers my age are veterans,having worked at least 25 years,so they started young. I am NOT complaining ,but it just seems this is how it is.I made a choice many years ago,( to stay home) and this is the result.I always ask if anybody knows new older teachers(over 45)and I met several,mostly high school or Special Ed.,which I don’t want.I want K-3 ,which seems to be tough in general!</p>
<p>fauxmaven, I’m sure you’ll find something great, but I bet it won’t be until the economy gets better. Too many budget cuts in too many directions.</p>
<p>I got my last job at older age in permanently economically depressed region, which has always been worse than Detroit (including now). Good number of locals drive to jobs in Detroit on a daily basis. I used to drive to Ann Arbor for about 1.5 years. it is not fun, got to do what you got to do. However, getting in shape is more important than getting a job. Health is #1, every else will follow. I got new favorite after work activity when D. went to college and loving it. Do not be afraid to try something new that you have never tried before. Good luck!</p>
<p>Thank God I don’t have to support myself.Today I had a different idea- what would make my husband happy?I am a real pack rat related to teaching,and I have at least 300 wonderful children’s books I have been saving in case I got a job,and I just donated everything(almost)to clear out some space,and go to kids who can use them NOW.If I got a job, I could always find more great stuff at garage sales.I said to my husband/best friend,that I’ll probably get a job offer now that I gave it all away,and he said that that would be great !If I don’t get a job we are planning to go to Italy in October,so I can look forward to that,or a job if I get something!</p>
<p>I do not work just to support myself. When I do not work (have been between jobs 8 times) I am depressed and feel very disconnected. My job is my best entertainment, nothing else compares to that. I get bored easily with everything else, except maybe my new hobby. I need constant change in activity during day, but I do not like to take care of the house, shopping, TV, reading and other ‘normal’ stuff. I know that eventually I will be kicked out at least at certain age, and I know that at that point, I probably will go straight to the box and under the ground. I am preparing my H. for that. My hobby and other little things like exercising for couple hours simply will not sustain my mental health. </p>
<p>Yes, I have been in Italy for 3 months before Chapel has been restored and I walked the original digged up streets of Pompey - I heard that now it is all in museum. You will love it. Unfortunately, I lost my love for travel also so we always go to the same place for vacation, that we love very much. We are never bored there.</p>
<p>Miami DAP-I also work to feel connected to the world,but we can use my income as we have 2 kids at private colleges .I also enjoy eating out, and other things that involve extra income.What happens when you want to work,and that isn’t happening ?I could easily get depressed about the future-D is going off to Harvard tomorrow,something I never had a chance to do.When I graduated HS, my parents divorced,and nobody cared what I was doing.I went to a state school,and got a Masters,got married a few years later and that was that .It’s all so different now with college visits,applying to multiple schools…on the west coast, most people applied to a school and went there!I am happy for my D,but I need to figure out my life from here.I started volunteering at a hospital,and work per diem as a substitute teacher.I don’t expect to get a F/T job in NJ anytime soon ,and I am almost 57. I wish I had a job, mostly for the distraction of not having any kids home to keep me busy.</p>
<p>Look at it this way - If I were you, everyone at work would hate me by now, because I would be dropping that line into every conversation…to my coworkers, to the mail room guy, to the receptionist (whose D is at Columbia, BTW), to the guy at the sandwich shop. (Maybe you can resist bragging, but I don’t know if I could!) By the time you get a job, you’ll be used to it and when people ask if you have kids you can talk about a D going to school “in the Boston area.”</p>
<p>Missypie-You are so funny about bragging!I thought Harvard would be the silver lining to the empty nest,and it has been sorta fun.I never volunteer where D is going,but if asked, then I say the H word,and people are blown away,not because D isn’t a reasonable candidate to go,but people are always amazed when they hear somebody got in,because so many great kids don’t!! (long sentence!!) I have enjoyed all the congradulations,and it doesn’t stop!People will ask where D is going,and that’s good for another 4 years! There is a bright side,once the ache of her leaving subsides.</p>
<p>after the four years of college…i find myself dreading the “real” empty nest where both kids are <em>gasp</em> working and probably (hopefully) never living at home again–no more winter/spring breaks!</p>
<p>i am angry at myself for feeling this way–someone help me snap out of this funk!</p>
<p>i am acting like such an idiot–i know that i am–but i can’t seem to get myself back on track. i keep dwelling on my negative thoughts about the future and can’t seem to start living in the moment again. </p>
<p>anyone else go through periods were they are struggling to keep their perspective about things?</p>
<p>lkf, I probably wrote this earlier in this thread, but there are a few reasons to have external activities including but not limited to work for pay. One is income, necessary for many but not sufficient for a satisfying life. A sage friend of mine says that happiness (or at least mental health) probably requires that one’s life include community, meaning and structure. When one is gone, life can still be OK (and some people don’t need community although I think there is evidence that people who don’t have a real community die younger and have worse physical health, among other things). Structure just means that one has to be certain places at certain times, do certain things each day, etc. Structure can be self-generated, but many people do not do generate their own if left to their own devices. Without a sense of meaning to our lives, a sense that our actions are tied to some higher purpose or are consistent with our vision of oursevles as human beings, people tend to be unhappy or depressed. External activities including but not limited to work can help provide community, meaning and structure. Work for pay can give all (and I have the good fortunate to have work that provides community, meaning and some structure) but it may not. Many jobs don’t feel connected to higher purposes and for some people, sap a core kind of energy.</p>
<p>I would seek activities that provide community, meaning and structure – and income if you need or want it (because you like to spend or because you or people whose opinions you value include it in assessments or the worth or people’s activities). But, if income is not as necessary because of your husband’s savings, insurance, etc., I’d focus on the things that give you the holy trinity of happiness. These could be employment but they could involve volunteer work, setting up a non-profit charitable organization, coaching younger people, etc.</p>
<p>For those of you who need or want to be an employee, the other thing I would do is to use the time in which you are not employed and are waiting for the job market to turn around to invest in yourself. Learn a set of skills or develop some area of knowledge that make you distinctive, differentiable from other applicants, and likely more desirable as an employee. Really learn a language that would be useful in your school district or in other settings. I’m no expert on elementary education, but I raised two kids with high IQs and learning disabilities who were always in mainstream classes. The first was severely dyslexic and had somewhat slow processing and delayed speech but was a brilliant academic performer. Maybe being the person who knows how to work with what are now known as twice exceptional kid would make you valuable to school systems. Who knows?</p>
<p>lkf, rereading your posts, it looks like extra income would be quite desirable. Sorry to have missed that. So, I’d focus on figuring out what kind of person will get hired for the kinds of jobs that you would find fulfilling. I know professions in which youth among females is desirable, but I wouldn’t think teaching was. Schools are going to be more concerned about pay scales and if you are paid based upon starting up now, you will be equivalent in their minds to someone younger, I would think. In addition, maybe you can find the things you love about teaching K-3 in other fields relating to kids.</p>
<p>At our HS, lots of parents (probably too many) attend pep rallies…I go when my D’s drill team is dancing. I just sat there, trying to be invisible, observing what the kids were wearing, listening to the loud music, watching them dance around…it’s a little link with youth that is gone once the nest is empty.</p>
<p>Thanks for your thoughts, shawbridge. I have reread them several times and you make several good points. Community, structure and meaning. Sounds correct to me. I will pm you so as not to monopolize this thread.</p>