<p>Don’t assume you’re too young for the senior center. I started going while in my 40s. They had fascinating workshops and classes at cheap prices. Even some teens take classes at mine. They also can be good places for networking.</p>
<p>Community college, too, can be a very inexpensive way to expand your skills and get the background for new careers. I’ve taken classes for as little as $60 a semester at mine, and have taken one-day workshops for cheaper.</p>
<p>Another option might be on-line classes, which your local universities and colleges may offer. They just, however, won’t offer the networking that you might get by going to class in person.</p>
<p>To my surprise, classes and workshops that I took just for fun have ended up resulting in some skills and opportunities that earned me some money. That even included my taking acting classes and photography classes, things I never thought that I had much talent in, but things that have earned me some money!</p>
<p>DH and I dreaded nothing more than when DD left for college (2006). She is our one and only (if you don’t count the dog). After a couple or three months of feeling sorry for ourselves, DH and I realized that we have a great time with one another and really enjoy spending time together. We’ve spent time at the driving range, seen movies, attended beer tastings, gone on trips, etc. We realized if DD was perfectly happy (which she is), we should be, too. As much as we love DD, and as much as we love spending time with her, we also have a great time without her. We have embraced the empty nest. We’re out there and we’re loving it!</p>
<p>This thread really hits home - reading and thinking “Wait that’s me.” As a happily divorced parent (whose kids have been the joy in my life), with two off at school and a very independent 10th grader - if there was an ATM and chef, she wouldn’t even notice I was gone, I am busy thinking about the rest of my life. Reading this has given me lots of ideas and a good deal of trepidation. I am now looking at the final two years with youngest daughter as a period of time to rediscover myself and find something, in addition to work, to fill up the time.</p>
<p>To HImom, I am interested in how you made the transition from law to something more satisfying. I, too, am thinking about a mid-career shift to something that might make a little more difference in the world. I just haven’t figured out how yet.</p>
<p>Splashmom…you give me hope. I’m looking for that honeymoon we never had time to get away for (already had dd from previous marriage). Our 25th anniversary will be coming up within a few months after the last one goes to college. Might be time to finally go on a cruise! :)</p>
<p>TNTmom: my advice is take care of YOU. Indulge yourself to the extent you can. And, here is some advice that, from personal experience, i KNOW will work for you: volunteer to help others. There are a million ways to do this…a million causes. One shot, small time, part time, more full time…whatever works best for you right now. Find something maybe in your local papers that is of interest to you or connects with any of your experiences or talents or skills. There is NOTHING more gratifying than giving yourself to help others who need and appreciate it. Infinitely more gratifying than writing a donation check (which is good, too!).
As a personal example, four years ago, I started teaching low-level English to Hispanic immigrants at an inner-city literacy center. (My own background fits well for this since i speak Spanish and have had various teaching experiences in my life.) I do it twice a week for a couple of hours each time. My students need English to live every aspect of there new lives here in the US. (They are pooryoung moms with young kids and working husbands.) The gratification I get from giving them the ability to speak, read and write is immeasurable. Honestly i think i get more from this than they do!</p>
<p>Find something like this for yourself. The recipients of your efforts will thank you…you will thank yourself and you will thank me (but you don’t know me, so never mind…just do it!)</p>
<p>Two months from today my last child will be moving to college. I’m sitting here now in complete silence while he is out for a while. I do not know how I’m going to do with this. When I see commercials on TV that tell symptoms of depression, I think most of the symptoms are me. :/</p>
<p>I’m sorry! Remember to give yourself time to adjust; it takes time to reinvent and find yourself as an empty-nester. My youngest is a rising junior in college, and it’s only recently that I “see” myself as the mother of grownups and am comfortable with this life. Husband and I are exploring ways to reconnect; bike rides, weekend trips, walks, concerts, and have increased the amount of socializing we do. You will find your new life, but give yourself time to feel and mourn your old one. It is a new chapter!
(Edit: but if you are seriously depressed, do see a counselor or therapist. I didn’t find the empty-nest change depressing, just different from my old life.)</p>
<p>For those who are thinking of what to do to fill up their time, I’ve found plenty of free or low cost things to do in my small city. For instance, yesterday, I took a three-hour free creative writing workshop offered by a college professor at the public library. Before that, I took pictures with my photography club. After that, I rehearsed with the community theater that I’m involved with. Then, I went to a birthday party for a friend. </p>
<p>Today, I went to meetings with my spiritual group, a peace organization, and rehearsed again with my community theater. I may work on my garden, but I’m almost out of energy to do more today. </p>
<p>This week, I’m supposed to start taking a $60 six-week drawing course at a community center. I haven’t taken an art course since middle school.</p>
<p>I’ve made lots of new friends of all ages – including young adults – by doing these activities, and I’ve found that my problem is prioritizing what I want to do, not finding things to do that interest me.</p>
<p>Finding a community organization your believe in/are committed to & helping with that can be extremely gratifying and help improve our communities & world as well. These days there are so many in need who would LOVE your services and skills. You’d be surprised what’s out there if you look and you will meet MANY fascinating folks from all walks of life.</p>
<p>All three kids left yesterday for youth choir tour…10 years ago I’d have killed for a week without them, but now I’m at a loss…when I have a free moment I’ll read the whole thread, but topping it this weekend was very timely!</p>
<p>i know i’m an odd man on this site, but there will be no more nest. the kids will make their own. i am looking to bicycle across the country for a year. then it’s landing somewhere new and picking up in my chosen field. the kids said they would join me when not in school. but i know that is unlikely. they are good at finding lots of options. this makes me happy.</p>
<p>TNMom2Three - I know exactly how you feel. I just told my husband this morning that I only have two months before the boys will be gone. My 14yo is going to boarding school and my older son is a sophomore transferring to a different university (before I could still see him every week). Both will be 8 hours away.</p>
<p>I am so sad. I have no idea what I will do. </p>
<p>Unfortunately, I have no advice. I do appreciate you starting this thread. I really need to get a positive perspective on this.</p>
<p>debatemom—after many tears, much depression, and great conversations, i suggest some therapy, even if for a brief time. they are moving on with their lives and you should, too. you will always be their mother. someone who provided a home and great memories. you are also an individual who needs sustainance. maintain, and evolve, communication with your children. all will work out.</p>
<p>I know several couples who divorced once the nest was empty…I can totally understand how that happens.</p>
<p>I really hate the idea of manufacturing things to fill up your time - like playing shuffleboard on a cruise when you don’t like shuffleboard, just do have something to do. But I’ve got five years before the nest is empty and I’m pondering different interests. I always thought I wanted to be in one of those old lady tap dance groups, but now it seems so pathetic…same thing with taking up ballroom or country & western dance…sounds fun, but aren’t you officially old when you start doing that?</p>
<p>Being without the kids this weekend has also made me realize that our “friends” are really centered around kid’s activities - there are plenty of folks we like to chat with at the football game or the dance competition, but I can’t imagine socializing, just them and us.</p>
<p>Of course, I’m sure my law partners would love it if I thrust myself into work 24/7…will I really do things like deliver speeches at conferences? I always thought it was the people with “no life” who did that type of thing…will that be me in five years?</p>
<p>Thank you all for this thread. It is much needed. Now I don’t feel like such a weirdo (well, I am, but…) – it has happened so often that I will say to another parent whose child has gone off to college, “Isn’t this hard?” to have them give me a ‘huh’ look and say “No”.</p>
<p>My 3rd one is going off next year, but already has lots of ‘away’ commitments. I can’t get used to the idea that she will actually live apart from me – I never got used to the first and second one leaving! I just miss their funny personalities, their wit, their creative messes, their intelligent conversation at the dinner table, their interesting friends, all the activities they were in that I could attend, the hugs and affection that didn’t stop just because they were teenagers.
(sob)</p>
<p>Well. I’m glad to know I’m not alone. And maybe, this is just a theory, but we parents on cc have more in common than a lot of parents out there. We really ENJOY being with our kids (well the college app experience is kind of a nightmare, but…). They are great, fun, interesting people. We are proud of them and happy for their success, we wouldn’t have it any other way, but gosh. We miss them!</p>
<p>As I posted on another thread –</p>
<p>Parenthood: if it hurts, you’re doing it right!</p>
<p>“I always thought I wanted to be in one of those old lady tap dance groups, but now it seems so pathetic…same thing with taking up ballroom or country & western dance…sounds fun, but aren’t you officially old when you start doing that?”</p>
<p>? There are plenty of people of all ages who do those things. H and I got into ballroom dancing after watching S, 21, in a ballroom dance competition. S took it up as a freshman in college. He was obviously having so much fun that H and I decided to take lessons even though somehow S got the dancing genes in the family.</p>
<p>I’ve found it fun to follow my interests, and the older I become, the more brave I am about doing this. I literally have friends who range from 20 to 70. It’s fun being like this. Age is just a number, not a sentence. I like being in activities in which people of all ages participate.</p>
<p>I’ve also found that the more I follow my interests, the younger I feel, and apparently the younger I look. I’ll be 58 next month. S, 21 – who looks his age – has been mistaken for my boyfriend. :)</p>
I always thought I wanted to be in one of those old lady tap dance groups
[/quote]
A couple of my aunts did this for several years and absolutely had a ball! They ended up taking over the group and running the whole thing – costumes, choreography, bookings, you name it – for a couple of years. Then they got tired of it and moved on. It was a great experience for both of them.</p>
<p>Northstarmom, I envy you! When my son goes off this Fall, I get to… take on more hours at work. I’m sure I’ll find some mischief to get into, though, if only to keep out of his hair on the weekends!</p>
<p>Tennessee Mom, and others – I think it’s like coming out of a long-term romantic relationship, only without all the icky-ness that goes along with those. Having spent so much time with someone else at the center of our world, it takes a little time to rediscover our own interests. The first time my son left home for a while, I unexpectedly found I was a basket case: I didn’t eat or sleep right, I wandered around the house saying it was too quiet, and my one big accomplishment was completely redecorating his room. The second time, I missed him, but it was a lot easier… and I cleaned up my diet (since I didn’t have to cook all his high-carb favorites, and I could eat salads happily for the rest of my life) and lost about 5 pounds. :)</p>
<p>I’m there, too. Two kids, both will be in college in Aug. I was always a stay at home mom by choice. About the time the kids were heading into high school/middle school, I began writing – a passion I’ve always wanted to pursue. So, I began with short stories, and I sent a couple into a national writing contest. At the same time, I began to write a novel, what I really always wanted to do. And then it began … full-time caregiver for 4 aging and ill parents. From 2002 until exactly this time last year I have cared fulltime in our home for these parents. We’ve traveled with hospice four times (brain cancer, parkinson’s, renal cancer, early-onset alzheimers). And I’ve been consumed with the knowledge of how much time I missed with my kids, precious time that I can’t get back … weeks spent in hospitals, dance competitions missed because I couldn’t get a “sitter,” etc. And as I know all of this made my kids independent, strong and more empathetic young people, I still look back now and wish for all those lost moments. I want them back … sigh. </p>
<p>But, before this sounds like “woe is me,” in August I will be removing the metaphoric manuscript from the desk drawer, and I will finish it. And I will write a second novel, with ideas I already have down on paper … and I will write a third. And I will, hopefully, find someone who wants that first and second novel … you get the idea. </p>
<p>But difficult … hoo-boy, I’m already preparing my husband. Baby away at college and peri-menopause, he better just start wearing kevlar now. :)</p>
<p>zebes, btw, the short stories … on one very horrible day into our third week of hospitlization with grandparent 1 (while taking care of grandparent 2), I received notification that I’d gotten an honorable mention for literary fiction on one of the pieces. This was out of 18,000 submitted. So, I made top 10 … I’ll take it; it’s a start. :)</p>
<p>What a great thread. I won’t be an ENer, but my firstborn, DS, is off to college in the fall, and I’m dreading it. Been divorced longer than I was married, their dad is a deadbeat, kids’ grandparents have all passed away, so it’s been just the three of us (DS, DD, and me) for a long time. We are very close because we are all we have. I am really going to miss DS. As a previous poster pointed out about alot of us -not only do I love my children, but I like them, too. They keep me grounded and show me things I would miss were I on my own. I’ve always tried new things and done what interests me, but I admit my number one interest has been raising my children. (It is very time consuming to be Mom, Dad, two Grandmas, and two Grandpas - involves lots of storytelling about each - just so my kids know something about where they come from.)</p>
<p>I’ve been thinking alot about what I’m going to do when DD goes off to college in 2011. I don’t like the town I live in, but don’t want to leave until DD is done with HS. Once she graduates HS, I am seriously considering getting in the car and driving across the US, stopping at any town or city that looks interesting and staying for as long as I want. Thanks to cell phones, kids can call me anytime, so I don’t have to worry about being out of touch should they need me. In many ways, I look forward to truly being on my own - no parents, kids, husband, or house to look after or take car of. Hmmm . . . maybe this won’t be so bad afterall.</p>