My kids have been coming and going for quite a while now, daughter graduated college in 2007 and my youngest will graduate college this May. I’ve found that to give myself peace of mind, I tell myself that they may well end up settling down within a couple of hours of us, but right now they are in the transitional years. My older kids are in small apartments in big city’s and unmarried. My youngest has just accepted a job offer on the other side of the country. We encouraged that because it seems like the perfect fit for him, but I get sad if I think of him permanently living over there.
That son is still home on break and tomorrow is my day off. He’s promised me a day of togetherness and I originally thought of going to a city and doing something fun, but instead I think we may just stay here, make his favorite cookies and watch several episodes of some series and eat popcorn.
New empty nester here. Really struggled this first semester. Missed my girl terribly. DD has been home 4 weeks 1 to go. So nice to have her at the same time she came home incredibly critical. She’s a vegetarian working toward being a vegan… So the eggs and milk aren’t cruelty free enough. We aren’t vegetarian (though we try to be for most meals) so contributing to animal cruelty. The list of things we could do better is immense. Trying to be a good sport about her new found passions but beginning to worry about three months of nagging and criticism this summer. We don’t even walk the dog correctly. Any advice from veteran parents on how to cope with this?
Sorry to hear about the critical element @lab317, especially since you surely looked so forward to your D coming home for break!
D needs to understand that your home is there for more than one occupant - not just her! Encourage her to make trips to the grocery store to get items that she would prefer to eat/cook but let her know that all her causes are not your own (and likely vice versa!). Tell her that pup appreciates anyone who gives him/her walks and that she is welcome to do all those walks when she is home if that makes her feel better!
Sometimes I think college kids (and other “kids”) are looking for the “rial you up” factor - don’t let her ruffle your feathers too much - because in a week, she’ll be gone again and she’ll have a whole new plate of things to worry about!!!
Yeah ditto on the thoughts of less than 100% thrilled to have the kid home. Though we didn’t get the “I’ve been to the mountain” enlightened attitude (think that is VERY common with freshmen returning home and I recall I was pretty obnoxious that way how ever many decades ago), I pretty much felt like a dollar sign above the collar with not so much as a thank you for all any of her gifts and help we provided her. Looking forward to a little more gratitude in coming years and glad to hear this comes with time.
“When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.”
Supposedly by Mark Twain, although there is no real evidence.
Adding my voice to the difficulty having a newly enlightened and oh so more brilliant than us child home. There have certainly been moments we looked at the calendar counting how many days until she leaves. Let’s just say we’re suggesting a summer semester at school for 5 weeks to break up the long summer break.
Thank you all. It hasn’t been all bad by any means just caught us off guard. I’m afraid we will have to set a few ground rules for summer…including her doing more of her own grocery shopping and meal preparation. I know it’s tough to be home after that initial flush of independence but I think we shall have to make a deal - you don’t nag or criticize us and we will avoid same with you.sigh
I think small conflicts like this are normal, natural and helpful. It helps parents and young adults alike realize living separately is the goal and doesn’t eliminate the love we have for each other. I’m already thinking about graduation and keeping “them” from moving back home with us. I jokingly told them we are moving to a 1 room apt.
Oh, we love to have any of them with us. It feels so empty. I have been stuck at home for 3 days, working from home, my car is in the shop, husband is at work. I do not know how to be at home by myself, at least I can make myself busy while workingand I can work from home. My hobbies will not fill my time, but at least I have few hobbies. I am past full ret. age, I am very scared to retire, but at some point I will be kicked out, just like everybody else…
My youngest just went off to college last fall, and I was busy until early January taking care of a sick friend. I have enjoyed the quiet and not having to worry about anyone else these last couple of weeks. We are headed off on a long vacation next week. But after that I do need to start thinking of structured things to help fill some of my time. I work plenty, and have 5 or more years until retirement, but I don’t want my job to become all consuming. I’m thinking we can travel more, Spend some time taking better care of the house, be more social than we’ve had time to be, and possibly find someplace to volunteer. I can only have so much time doing “nothing” before I go crazy.
". I can only have so much time doing “nothing” before I go crazy. "
-This is exactly my problem and in addition, I do not require 8 hours of sleep, so it adds more hours to my day. I do not like doing any house, yard chores either, which again adds more time. I do not like TV, reading, shopping, cooking.
I added several time consuming hobbies to fill my time after work and I exercise for at least 2+ hrs every day. But sometime this is not enough to fill my day. I really do not mind doing nothing while sitting by my kids and grandkids when they visit, but everybody is in different cities.
Got a question for those of you with an empty nest and retired. I have been think about a schedule when I retire in probably a year. What works for you? Monday through Friday chores and exercise and Satuday and Sunday’s fun exercise and off? Now, I usually do all my chores on the weekend -groceries, paperwork, laundry, cleaning, etc, I’m thinking Monday to Friday with like a 5 Pm cutoff from chores and volunteer and hobbies? Also what have you found works for sleep schedule? Are you getting up later? And staying up later or the opposite?
I know, that sounded wrong. I guess I meant daily maintenance and fun projects, things we put off fixing, volunteer work, hobbies, cooking and exercise. Chores was the wrong word. More like daily activities. I have a lot of ideas.
i stopped working in December, and do not have overly structured days. The house is low maintenance. We do the fun stuff when it comes up. Yes, a lot of times that’s the weekend because that works to get together with others who still work. But my husband has different days off, so we do things during the week if it’s convenient. I looked at that 17 year old sofa and said, time to update that, so we had fun going to furniture stores, seeing what’s new, taking the time to make a selection. That lent itself to getting carpets cleaned and decluttering, sprucing up a few things around the house. When spring arrives, I’ll be ready to head outside to putter around.
What I love about not working it having the time to take the time to do stuff. If I want to spend the morning doing giving myself a mani-pedi, I can. If I want to check out new sections in the grocery store to try out a new recipe, I will. If I run into someone I haven’t seen for awhile, I have time to talk.
I’ve been thru a lot of phases since son went to college. At first, the sad period. Then, travel like a maniac. Next, see lots of shows and concerts. Get involved with the yard work. Do home interior projects. Organize picture and videos. There is always something to do, but it doesn’t have to get done so quickly. I think that’s a luxury.
