<p>No long story here. I have pretty bad social anxiety. It's gotten to the point where I can't continue a conversation beyond name and "what's your major" (I know I can't because that's how I was at orientation, and I literally did not make a single friend or even an acquaintance). Should I take my first semester of college off, get some cognitive behavioral therapy, maybe some medicine, and work on my social skills (and maybe hit the gym too)? </p>
<p>Immersion therapy (facing up to your fears, in this case just going to college and trying) doesn't really work for me, I just end up shutting down. I'm asking in college life because I figure you guys would have the best perspective on whether someone like me can make it in college. Thanks!</p>
<p>There's a strong biological component to social anxiety which is eminently treatable with medication. It would be worth your while to get evaluated by a psychiatrist, who are the most expert evaluators/prescribers in this area. It's not about your being crazy, it's about getting a chemical imbalance adjusted. Talking to a cognitive behavioral counselor could also help you identify and stop the chain of thoughts that help trigger your chemical reaction. Taking time off will not help at all. Phobic fear is a learned response, and avoiding the feared object just reinforces the fear by tempporarily diminishing the related anxiety. That's how people with a relatively limited fear (e.g., afraid of a spider in a corner of a room) in avoiding the fear, develop a much bigger fear (being afraid of a whole house or even a neighborhood).</p>
<p>Thanks for your reply! I was thinking about taking a gap semester for a few reasons, though. I'm worried about getting off on the wrong foot--I highly doubt I'll be able to make any friends, especially since I found out I got put in a tiny single. I don't want to forever be cast as the "weird kid," especially since I doubt I'll be participating in many outside activities besides a job and an internship. Also, I've got a heavy courseload, and I'm worried I won't have time for therapy, especially during the week, and I won't have transportation if I can only find a cognitive behavioral therapist off-campus. I'm also concerned about starting medicine while I'm in school. I took an antidepressant for two months a while back, and it turned me into an absolute wreck--huddled up in my room, unable to do much of anything, completely paranoid. I was thinking that it would be better if I removed other responsibilities while I work out this condition, and also many other major physical/mental health issues I have. Thanks again, your response was very informative!</p>
<p>You also might want to try college out for a year and then take a semester off the beginning of your sophomore year. That's what my brother's doing this year because (this is my interpretation, he never actually told me this) he didn't feel ready or "right" at his institution. He wants to explore job and internship opportunities to figure out what kind of career path he may want to embark on, as well as learn more about himself as a relatively new adult (he's 19) before going back to school in the Spring.</p>
<p>Everyone's nervous about meeting people and gaining friends, and while I realize you have social anxiety, you're not the only one feeling this way either. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there once in awhile. Leave your door open (literally) while in your dorm room to make it seem inviting to people looking for friends. Everyone is in the same boat as you are; no one knows anyone else and are just as anxious (well... You're probably more so) about meeting new people.</p>
<p>Dude, don't take medicine just yet, maybe i'm just suspicious but I wouldn't take a substance to fix such a negligible problem.</p>
<p>If it's really this hard for you to meet people, just make a complete script for yourself, memorize it and use it. For example, if someone walks into your dorm (why you wouldnt have your door open is beyond me) and introduces themselves you could say:</p>
<p>Hey I'm XXX whatsup. </p>
<p>They'll probably ask where your from or you can continue</p>
<p>Where are you from man.</p>
<p>XXX, what about you?</p>
<p>Comment/ question on where there from (where's that, how's life out there, etc)... then:</p>
<p>What's your major.</p>
<p>If its similar to yours you can relate, if its not you can make inquiries about it (even if you are a genius on the subject, people like to talk about themselves.)</p>
<p>Do not follow the advice to "solve" your problems by drinking. Certainly most people talk more easily when they are drunk, but that talk may not be particularly coherent. In addition, getting buzzed isn't something that you can do to handle most situations unless you plan to be buzzed all of the time, which obviously is a bad idea.</p>
<p>It also isn't clear whether you are very shy or if you have social anxiety. Shyness is one of the easiest emotional problems to solve, something that you could do with the help of a good counselor (considering how many college students have this problem, your counseling center should be well equipped to help you.)</p>
<p>Also check out self help books and shyness.com.</p>
<p>If you do have social anxiety, which would need to be diagnosed by a mental health professional, medication also is useful for that. Do not let your bad experience with antidepressants turn you off all medications for emotional problems. When it comes to finding an effective antidepressant, it takes a while for most people to get the right drug and dosage. </p>
<p>All of my advice comes from the perspective of having worked as a counselor at a college counseling center, having been a very shy person including in college (The fact that virtually everyone I know now can't believe that I ever was shy says a lot about how shyness is something that you can change!), and being a person who is on antidepressants, which in my case have been very effective.</p>
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No long story here. I have pretty bad social anxiety. It's gotten to the point where I can't continue a conversation beyond name and "what's your major"
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<p>I have a question for you. Why can't you continue a conversation beyond your name and the name of your major? Is it because your mind goes blank and you can't find anything to say, because you don't feel the desire to establish a conversation, or because you feel frightened?</p>
<p><a href="I%20know%20I%20can't%20because%20that's%20how%20I%20was%20at%20orientation,%20and%20I%20literally%20did%20not%20make%20a%20single%20friend%20or%20even%20an%20acquaintance">quote</a>. Should I take my first semester of college off, get some cognitive behavioral therapy, maybe some medicine, and work on my social skills (and maybe hit the gym too)?
[/quote]
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<p>I wouldn't take a semester off from college just because I have no friends or acquaitances. Given that you actually care about making friends and want to improve your social skills, I'd say DO NOT take the semester off. Time is precious, don't waste it.</p>
<p>Thanks for all your replies! Don't worry about me drinking, it would mess with a medication I'm already taking so I have to avoid it!</p>
<p>@ Northstarmom: I'm pretty sure it's social anxiety. After doing some research, I seem to have pretty much every symptom, and I also have all of the non-genetic causes, as well as a parent who has it. Anyways, I'll bring this up next time I'm at my psychiatrist--thanks again for all your help! I'm glad you found a medication that works for you--I might give them another go.</p>
<p>@Moire: It's a combination of the first and third reasons. As soon as a conversation starts, I tense up, my heartbeat skyrockets, I clench my jaw, I can no longer think straight so it makes it fairly impossible to think of what to say next, my mind is blank except for a constant mantra of "go away go away go away," and in general I just feel like jumping out the nearest window to escape. It becomes a catch 22--I want so desparately to be social, but then when the moment arrives I can think of nothing but escaping from a situation, and thus I never really develop social skills or gain friends. And thanks for your help--you are right that in some ways a semester off would be a waste of time. I guess I just don't like the idea of being completely alone at college, since I don't know anyone at the university I'm going to, and I don't fall under the average type of student there, so I wouldn't have a lot in common with most people, and I'm not too good at putting myself out there. Thanks again!</p>
<p>Back in college I had pretty much all the symptoms you describe, but at least I never felt the desire to make friends or increase my social skills. </p>
<p>Joining clubs that interest you, participating in campus activities like community service and dorm sports are wonderful ways of connecting with people with whom you have things in common.</p>
<p>Volunteering to help out such activities using whatever skills you have also will help you connect with people. For instance, if you have artistic talent, volunteer to create the flyers for dorm or club events. Even helping with clean-up will help you meet people.</p>
<p>Most people on campuses make friends through activities. It's not unusual for people to go to a college where they don't know anyone else, so don't feel that your not knowing anyone there dooms you to be friendless.</p>
<p>If you're involved in an activity -- playing a sports game, doing community service, helping with a club event -- you don't have to worry about talking that much. Most of the conversation also will be practical -- about how to do what needs to be done. That can help prevent your being that self conscious.</p>
<p>Do check out the shyness.com website, too, which has lots of info. Here's another website that may be helpful: Social</a> Phobics Anonymous It's for Social Phobics/Social Anxiety Anonymous.</p>
<p>You are far from being alone. The subject comes up on CC a couple of times a year.</p>
<p>Also, if you are going to Penn., Philadelphia is one of the best places in the country to get mental health treatment. Many excellent therapists who are up to date with the latest research.</p>
<p>I have really severe social anxiety, but I'm starting college in a week and a half anyway. The way I see it, taking a semester or a year off wouldn't help anything, because one of the best things you can do for social anxiety is to put yourself out there (not exactly easy, but I'm going to do it :]). Medication can help to a degree, but for some people medication just doesn't do anything at all. And drinking out of anxiety can easily lead to alcoholism.</p>
<p>CBT might work. I've heard mixed comments about it, and I haven't tried it myself, but it's supposed to help. CBT goes along with exposure, though. That's pretty much what it is--it forces you to face the anxiety, and if it's social anxiety, it's going to force you to socialize. Unless you decide not to do it, which sort of defeats the purpose of having therapy in the first place.</p>
<p>In my opinion, it'd be more beneficial to not take the semester off. If you're not in school, you'll be more inclined to hole yourself up at home and not go out at all, whereas at school you HAVE to get out. If the purpose of the gap semester is to defeat the social anxiety, you have to actually get out of the house and try to converse.</p>
<p>Also, for most people, social anxiety isn't just a short-term thing. If it's as bad as you're describing, I doubt you'd be all better by second semester. It's not a speedy process, no matter which route you go.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the responses! I guess I'm just worried because of how awful orientation was. Even though I forced myself to go to all the events, I was the only kid there who seemed unable to befriend others, even though I put myself out there, sitting with people I didn't know, approaching groups to see if I could get involved in a conversation, etc. I was still the kid eating alone at dinner the second day, and despite having social anxiety, I'm not used to being the loner--I had many friends all throughout high school who viewed my paranoia and social inabilities as quirks, rather than faults.</p>
<p>I'm not used to being alone, and I've got so much else going on right now both medically and academically that I don't want to be constantly miserable because I haven't made any friends and going to the dining hall three times a day is an ordeal. I guess I'll just try and override my instincts to see if I can make friends, and pursue help at the counseling center and/or from a CBT in the meantime. Thanks again for everyone's help, I really appreciate it!</p>
<p>" I was still the kid eating alone at dinner the second day,"</p>
<p>I doubt that you were the only kid eating alone.
It's unreasonable to expect to have made friends during your second day of college or even your first month or two of college. At best, people have just made some acquaintances. The people who were sitting with others may have asked to sit next to the others or may have gone to eat with roommates or others whom they had just met. </p>
<p>Often in dining halls, students sit alone because they want to study or because they want to be alone (! group living can be wearing) or because they don't know anyone and are too shy to ask to sit with others. </p>
<p>You aren't the only one who's stressed out about handling the dining hall situation. BTDT. I remember it was stressful for me because I was shy when I was in college.</p>
<p>My college orientation was horrible. I could literally give you a list of gaffes I committed. To this day I still regret not having courage to not go to orientation. Don't worry. Your college roommate might help you make some friends.</p>