Sophomore at reputable mid sized state school thinking of transferring to smaller school, probably William and Mary. As a freshman I got along with the people on my floor, but this year I’m off campus and barely see them. I realize now that I didn’t really make great friends last year, and only hung around those dudes because of proximity. I’m not a recluse: I’m apart of a bunch of different clubs on campus, go out on weekends, know people in all my classes, etc… However, they’re all acquaintances to me. It makes me a little disheartened when I see my hometown friends making solid connections with others at their colleges, which is something I have not really done yet. I feel like I’ve exhausted all options besides greek life. I’m thinking a transfer to a smaller school will give me a better environment to make lifelong friends, but is this a dumb idea? I’m doing well at my current school academically, but just feel like I’m wasting the “best years of my life” with people I don’t really care about and will never see again after graduating. Not looking forward to having no one to take photos with at graduation besides my family. Is this even something I should be concerned about, let alone worth transferring over?
It may be you - meaning, some have a tougher time making good friends. I’m that way.
It may be you need to be a bit more aggressive - ask someone, hey, you want to grab a bite to eat.
It doesn’t sound like you hate it so I’d be careful about transferring - there’s no assurance you’ll become more solid friend wise.
But you really have to decide for yourself if it’s worth it.
Good luck.
I’ll say…it’s the devil you know vs the devil you don’t know. You have no way of predicting whether your friend situation will be better at WM.
My D struggled for her entire college experience on whether or not to transfer. Now that she’s about to graduate, it’s become abundantly clear that the issue was with her and not with the school. Wherever you go, there you are. And I think it also takes two years to really settle in. I would just stay if I were you.
The way to meet lasting friends is to find people with whom you share interests. You have to try clubs and activities, volunteering, church, etc. Transferring unlikely to help.
Stay put as things seem to be going well for you.
Acquaintances may be your thing, otherwise Greek life would be more of an attraction to you.
The fact that this is your biggest complaint suggests that you may have too much time on your hands. Stay busy and it’s likely that distinguishing between friends and acquaintances becomes meaningless to
Yes - I have many acquaintances, but during most periods of my life, only one or two people I considered “friends”. Probably because I tend to apply that label very conservatively, based on my own level of commitment to that person.
I think there are many different ways how people “practice” their friendships, some ways will allow to cast the circle wider (so they think of themselves of having many friends, by their standards), other ways will cast the net very tightly.
Quite possibly, people consider someone “a friend” from their perspective, while the other person thinks of them more as close, long-time acquaintances.
@_moneywoise: It is possible that “the” friend is just waiting to be found at some college - but you can’t know which one - it might even be someone you haven’t run into yet at your current school. Transferring doesn’t seem like a wise approach - your odds at a better social outcome are 50/50 at best.
Moving off campus makes it more difficult to just meet people (vs being in a large dorm). But all the advice is the same–join a club, form a study group, get involved in a church, hang out at the student activity center (they will often give lessons too which is a fun way to meet people).
Don’t just meet them–when you do make a connection make a plan to see them again (don’t be pushy but sometimes you’ve got to take the lead and invite people into your life.) A lot of “friend making” is networking–you meet one person who introduces you to others who have a party where you meet more people etc (one reason clubs and sports are good).
Sometimes you’ll find yourself wanting to meet people but not sure how to strike up the conversation. “How to Talk to Anyone” (93 tricks) by Leil Lownden is an excellent book.
You don’t need all 93! Just pick three to start and try them out (I can personally attest to the success of these methods–they’re easy too). They are geared for different social situations.
Bottom line–I wouldn’t transfer–I’d change my way of looking to meet people. Good luck!
Is there a reason you think W&M may be better for you?
Can you stick with your clubs and see if acquaintances turn into friendships? And do class sizes get smaller as you delve into your major – if so that may be a way to develop relationships.
IMO transferring is not easy on one’s social life. You will be walking into a situation where others have established friend groups, know the routine of the school, etc.
I have the same question as @happy1. My son is a sophomore at W&M and I can tell you it is not everyone’s cup of tea. As a junior transfer you are NOT guaranteed on campus housing. You could very well find yourself in the same situation that you are in now or worse.
Who are you living with now? Most of my kids are very social and met their friend groups (at least one of them) freshman year in dorms. My 20 year old moved off with friends sophomore year and regretted it, even though she had two roommates and friends in the complex, doors opened to the outside and she really missed dorm living with so many students she could just hang out with. She moved to another complex this year with interior corridors and is much happier. Where did your dorm fiends move to?
Honestly it seems this is sorta your generation. My son went through this. His group met weekly on a common organization they were building on campus. This was his main friend group but most times outside the organization they did different things. This doesn’t make it bad. It is what it is.
Also college is not everyone’s best time. Parents tend to tell you that and they shouldn’t. It’s just a time segment in your life. Your the one that makes it what it is. If your busy with clubs and such and having a good time consider yourself lucky. Try to find people with the same interests. Many also are just busy studying like you. Since studying seems to be a theme in college just ask someone if they want to go study together. Tell them you don’t like studying alone. Study groups usually are all over colleges. Find one. Might have to go for a slice of pizza afterwards… Lol.
So you want to go to W&M or some other smaller school where you’ll live in proximity to fellow students, meet them in student clubs or maybe run into them out on weekends, get to know them in class. I’m not seeing how this will work out all that different from the way things are now.
Also keep in mind that when frosh show up on campus they typically know few if any other students and are looking to form a circle of friends. By the time you transfer as a junior they’ll have been pals for two years with a shared history and won’t necessarily be looking to meet new people. It’s not that it can’t be done but many transfers say it takes extra effort to meet people and build friendships.
Most colleges have free counseling available for students, often including workshops for those wanting to improve social skills. I don’t see any harm in talking with a trained counselor and getting their advice.
So much is right where you are. I would focus on the one thing that’s not and fixing it rather than upsetting the whole apple cart. You could transfer and have a hard time breaking in socially. Of course, if there are other reasons to transfer, it could make sense.
Living off campus requires more work to make things happen. You did a good job when you were in the company of folks in the dorm, so I might focus on opportunities that create that environment. Theme/interest housing, Greek life, volunteer opportunities, etc – anything that puts you in regular contact with the same people. You may need to be the instigator of activities with people you meet – a meal, study group, attending a game or campus event. This is a big change for a lot of people.
And while it’s a different avenue, you might want to look at study abroad programs. Fun way to meet new people.
I feel for you. College is presented as something it is not for many. Give yourself some grace when comparing your expectations to reality – sometimes reality is not so bad, just not what you were expecting.
I would not transfer just for a meh social life. If the academics will offer you more or the networking or job placement is better then that adds more reason to it.
It is usually harder socially when you transfer and is hard at a small school where everyone has already made friends. Don’t go into a transfer for a social life unless you already have a good friend at the school because there is definitely no guarantee that you will be able to make better friends there than you can at your current school.
Don’t buy that “college is the best four years of your life” BS. What a depressing thought! It’s all downhill after that huh? Gonna just completely suck for the rest of your life. That is such nonsense. As a grown ass person I can tell you that college was definitely not the best four years of my life. I had some fun. Made a few friends. But honestly I did not make the best friends of my life in college. I did not meet my spouse in college. These are things that happened after college for me.
I do not keep in close touch with any of my college friends. I see one on Facebook. That’s it. The other friends I had in college that I still keep up with on Facebook were friends I had in high school, too. I did make good friends after college who have since gone on to live all over the country that I still keep up with and see in person, but not most of the people I met in college.
I think it’s a much healthier attitude to think that every coming year is going to be your best year than when you graduate college thinking, “oh well, there goes my best years. All downhill from here. “
One can buy into the “best four years of your life”, but one may not understand what that means until much later in life.
I don’t know what that is supposed to mean.
Probably that youth is wasted on the young!
I think it means you may not realize until later how impactful and wonderful (or not) college truly was.
You often grow fonder of the experience as the years go by.
But it is just not true for most people. Would you say that college is more wonderful than when your kids were born? Really?!?
I don’t know anybody who would say that. Not a single soul I know would say that college was the best years of their life and I think it is dangerous and disingenuous to perpetuate that myth. It’s just not true for most people and if it is true for the rare person, what a sad life they live afterwards. How depressing.
And it’s certainly not making this poster feel any better about having a less than full social life at college so I’m not sure why y’all would perpetuate that BS if you wanted to help the OP.