some dos and don'ts for the essay by a director of admissions

<h2>it originally appeared in Kaplan/Newsweek and i think it may help a lot of applicants.</h2>

<p>Essay: An Opportunity, Not An Ordeal
A director of admissions provides advice on making your essay memorable.
by Carol Wheatley</p>

<p>Over the last 23 years, I have read more than 15,000 admissions essays—many good, many not so good—but there are a few that I remember to this day. What made these few memorable? In each instance, the writers revealed themselves to me in ways that the rest of the college admissions process does not permit.</p>

<p>I still remember the young woman who wrote that she was going to become the first woman president of the United States. I believed her. I also remember the essay written by a student whose passion was theater. She wrote of her desire to be Lady Macbeth. Not to play Lady Macbeth, but actually to become Lady Macbeth. I believed her, too.</p>

<p>In both of these instances, I do not recall whether or not the writing itself was remarkable, although I am quite certain that both grammar and spelling were proficient. I would remember if they weren’t. What made these essays stand out then and now was that both writers moved me. When I finished those essays, I knew far more about these students than I could ever learn from the data that filled their thick admissions folders.</p>

<p>The essay can be an obstacle for applicants. As the competition for college admissions has increased and as students have taken the process more seriously, “essay anxiety” has become common. This is especially unfortunate since the essay is one portion of the application that students themselves control completely.</p>

<p>I find that writers who do stumble
often are trying to dazzle us with style rather than concentrating on substance. The notion that an essay must be intellectually superior is misguided. Students shouldn’t go to the thesaurus in search of hundred-dollar words. While we want proof that students can use the tools of language to express themselves, we can tell when applicants aren’t comfortable with the language and tone they have adopted.</p>

<p>Typically colleges offer a number of topics on which students may write. These topics usually give a focus to the essay and almost always encourage introspection. Even when an applicant writes about a current event, the approach should be personal.</p>

<p>Each year certain topics are common to a large percentage of the essays. Terrorism, and the aftermath of 9-11 have been popular topics in the last two years. More recent incidents such as the war in Iraq or corporate leadership and greed will certainly be popular topics this year. It’s fine to choose such a topic so long as the perspective is distinctive. I don’t care whether the writer thinks Martha Stewart or Sam Waksal is guilty of insider trading, or whether Sammy Sosa should be penalized for corking his bat. Instead, I want to read the why— why the student thinks as he does, why it matters to her, why I should care about his opinion.</p>

<p>There are some other dos and don’ts:</p>

<p>Don’t be cynical, trite, pretentious, or maudlin. One essay that caught my eye was a description of coming to terms with a disabled sister. Instead of an overly sentimental treatment, the student told me why this experience had changed him over the years.
Do be concise, specific, personal.and honest. I am not interested in reading what the writer thinks I want to read. I want to be surprised by a student who is willing to take chances to go beyond the obvious.
Don’t repeat what is included in other parts of the application by making the essay a second résumé. I want to be taken behind the details that I already know, like a student who described why membership on the committee to choose an associate pastor was significant in her growth.
Do use wit and imagination, but don’t try to be funny if that’s not your personality. More than a few essays have backfired when the writer stretched for humor but what came out was plain silly.
Do proofread and then ask someone else to proofread for you. Although I want substance, I also want to be able to see a student writing that first paper for the freshman colloquium and avoiding careless mistakes that will drive faculty crazy. </p>

<h2>Most of all, I want students to consider the essay an opportunity rather than an ordeal. It is a chance for them to provide me with a dimension of their personalities that cannot be elicited from test scores or grade point averages, from teacher recommendations or lists of activities. I want them to use this opportunity to its fullest advantage—and make me remember what they wrote.</h2>

<p>Carol Wheatley is Director of Admissions at Ohio Wesleyan University in Delaware, Ohio.</p>

<p>Thanks for that Stud!</p>

<p>I really want to emphasize that essays are really important in college admin games. Even if you apply with 800 x3 plus a 2300+, with a boring essay, you will not be favored in the elite collges where most applicants alreayd have 800x3's plus that perfect gpa.</p>

<p>Trust me, I've seen plenty of these in last year's and the year before's college admissions. If you don't believe me, search it up for X college official decisions on cc.
Columbia's was highly surprising.</p>

<p>ooo this will help me a lotttt and a lot more like me!
thank you!</p>

<p>ooo this will help me a lotttt and a lot more like me!
thank you!</p>

<p>NoFX, </p>

<p>I am not sure what you base this on. Schools all care about the personal statement but some schools care relatively more about standardized scores vs personal statement or has that changed since last year? I know plenty of people with bad SATs in what you may call elite schools and people with really high SATs in not-so-elite schools. This is possible precisely because there is no standard formula for all schools to get in and the personal statement really may not be the best predictor for your performance as a nuclear physics major at MIT.</p>

<p>stud
yeah at elite colleges such as the ivys, esp the top ones, an average applicant has really good stats. I mean, that's why they applied to the school in the first place beause their guidance councillor was like, 'hey you got perfect scores and grades, you should really think about applying to HYPSM, you have a great shot'</p>

<p>MIT is known to accept many applicants who get rejected by all the other ivy's. I think the personal statement really makes a difference in MIT. They may not care for the giddy, jolly, 'omgz! mit is gonna be the shiz! i LOVE mit!!!" students but they may look for ambitious, motivated, hard working students who likes a challenge and who likes to push themselves. And what better way to show that, than in the essay? Sure stats are important in majors like nuclear physics - they'd look for maths, science awards in compeitions and honors. You could say MIT is a bit number based. But essays are much more important here, then, say, umm Colorado state (i dunno if there is one).</p>

<p>sorry i dont really get your question hahaah</p>

<p>awesome. can someone read my essay and give me an opinion?</p>

<p>And what better way to show that, than in the essay? Sure stats are important in majors like nuclear physics - they'd look for maths, science awards in compeitions and honors. You could say MIT is a bit number based. But essays are much more important here, then, say, umm Colorado state (i dunno if there is one).</p>

<p>I can see your point but I don't agree. I think schools face other constraints, even the most competitive one, that are more important than the quality of personal statements. For example, I think admission officers try to ensure some diversity in entering classes is preserved....athletic, in arts, and in social acivities. E.g. Certain number of people who want to major in music or have a special talent. I am not discounting the importance of the personal statement, I just don't think that it is THE factor that determines who gets in if you have perfect scores and it may not exclude you from the competition even if it is not the best work you've ever produced. </p>

<p>Not to mention that not everyone at an Ivy League school has perfect SATs. There are plenty of people with less than stellar scores though they probably offer something else that the school needs (athletes, talents, etc...)</p>

<p>hey stud i agree with that also.
It's just that most intels dont really think of essays and ECs as important factors. Most intels (defintely not the ones on cc though) only care about their perfect grades and test scores. It's like, most intel applicants and their parents think, "if I/my child gets 2400, she's definetly in for Harvard"</p>

<p>My main msg here is, don't neglect your essays!</p>

<p>cool. an interesting discussion</p>

<p>NoFX,</p>

<h2>I didn't even look up the admissions factors for MIT until 5 min ago. I mentioned the school in my previous post. Here we go...from the PR site....So, notice that essay does not have a strong emphasis relative to other admission factors...I am sure this weighting scheme varies from school to school. And I am sure that when the administrators post this info on the site, they mean it.</h2>

<p>Academic Criteria Importance </p>

<pre><code>Secondary school record Very Important

</code></pre>

<p>Class rank Important </p>

<p>Recommendations Important </p>

<p>Standardized test scores Important </p>

<p>Essays Considered </p>

<pre><code>Non-Academic Criteria Importance

Interview Important

</code></pre>

<p>Extracurricular activities Important </p>

<p>Talent / ability Important </p>

<p>Character / personal qualities Very Important </p>

<p>Alumni/ae relation Considered </p>

<p>Geographical residence Considered </p>

<p>State residency Not Considered </p>

<p>Religious affiliation/commitment Not Considered </p>

<p>Minority status Considered </p>

<p>Volunteer work Considered </p>

<p>Work experience Considered</p>

<p>Sorry, I don't really agree with this. I dont know how to explain this.. It's just like, Geographical residence and Essays are both in the 'considered' category, but it's pretty obvious that Essays have much more emphasis in college admissions that geographical residence. I think Character/personal qualities mean personal statements or essays. I think they have this wrong. Essays cannot go into the same category as geographical residence!</p>

<p>I would say that Class rank and secondary school records and acadamic difficulty are most important. And essays and Ecs and others come n second. From the ED round stats of applicants, there are many students who have good scores and good awards (IMO, ICO, etc) and they get acceptd. But there are other applicants who have ok/good scores and below aveage ECs such as -maths club, science club, NHS- Combine that with a boring essay = rejection.
Maybe, if they had some spark in their essay, they MIGHTVE been accepted as a borderline applicant.</p>

<p>I remember last year when this guidance councillr got very confused when one of her students got rejected from MIT. He was in 3 clubs, NHS chess, maths. He had 1590 sat (old). And he won couple of state maths awards. And she even posted his essay. Everyone posted that the essay was boring, average, and that the student sounded like a nerd with no personality.(even i thought so too).</p>

<p>JHU is one school which focuses a LOT on essays. One might think of the school as very number based due to the medical rep they have. But they focus heaps on the $10 essay. The stats show that SAT scores are just 'considered'.</p>

<p>I think SAT scores are too overarated. You often see students retaking 750, to get 790.. If the student passes the average SAT line of the school, adcoms will most likely look at other factors straight away, esp ECs and the essay. (they'll look at school records first i guess)</p>

<p>Yes I too agree that MIT is partially number based. Even the Assistant Director of Admissions has commented on his blog that most intels admitted have represented thier county or state, because the applicant pools are always so strong. (here's his blog site <a href="http://matt.mitblogs.com/%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://matt.mitblogs.com/&lt;/a&gt;) But I think it'll be very unintellegent of students if they disregard the essay in any way. Borderline applicants should always always put much emphasis on their essays.
just my 2 cents :)</p>

<p>Your post starts with a statement that is incorrect. Not to mention that you were so courageous enough even to insert "pretty obvious" in it. So, I didn't bother to read the rest of it as I happen to know that what was obvious to you is not only "not so obvious" but also incorrect. </p>

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<p>There are plenty of schools that value ethnic and geographic diversity more than what one says in a personal statement. I can prodive examples, including Ivies or near Ivies, if you need them.</p>

<p>That's ok. To each his own.</p>