Some grade this last moment essay

<p>Here is the prompt
According to the SAT Online Course I got a 6 but I think it is more like a 4 or 5...
could some help me improve my mistakes..
I noticed that the last sentence of the body paragraph was unneccessary because I didn't elaborate on it...</p>

<p>Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.</p>

<p>We often hear that we can learn much about someone or something just by casual observation. We are not required to look beneath the surface or to question how something seems. In fact, we are urged to trust our impressions, often our first impressions, of how a person or a situation seems to be. Yet appearances can be misleading. What “seems” isn’t always what is.</p>

<p>Is the way something seems to be not always the same as it actually is? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>My Essay:
What seems to be something is not always the same as it is. For example a rose seems aesthetically pleasing at first but when touched may induce deleterious pain by the prickly thorns on its stems. First impressions are what we see first but only by analyzing something deeper can we truly find a meaning to something. My reply will be based on a personal anecdote upon Biology.
Biology - what I perceived it to be - was a class where every student could merely memorize vocabulary and seem precocious. I truly understood that this is statement is false this year. Possibly the reason why I chose to make this assumption before was because of my first impression. During last year's biology class several students would make vocabulary cards before every test and seemed to acknowledge everything there is to know about Biology. When I once asked one of my fellow students "If Krebs’s cycle needed ATP, what came first ATP or Krebs’s cycle?" The student then replied “it wasn't in the book so it isn’t important”. His philosophy of life was the antithesis of mine. He simply studied Biology for a college application while I was avid to how Biology worked. From childhood I had always questioned everything before I learned it. My self realization occurred this year where the material was completely different. Over the summer I had analyzed Biology to dig deeper into the world beyond the facade I had encountered last year. I finally found what Biology was, a study of a system of components that worked together to make a living thing, not a couple of vocabulary words that can help me get an A in class. This knowledge from the summer had strongly changed my perception of Biology in class. My new Biology teacher’s policy mandated true Biological understanding rather than petty repetitions of excerpts from the text. Several students found his type of class painful while I, who had finally understood what Biology is, had been unscathed. Biology though was not the only class where I saw this transformation from "what seems to be" and "what is".
Only through true understand with analysis can someone surely understand something. Even as you are reading this essay of mine you will not truly understand who I am. Everything in life needs extensive analysis or it is spurious. Life is logical yet only a few can understand it and not take it for granted. Using logic from my anecdote in Biology class I conclude that life is full of meaning but only for those who look deeper past the flesh and analyze.
"Quod erat demonstrandum"</p>

<p>The very first sentence makes almost no sense whatsoever. And the overall voice is confusing. Some parts are too formal, but some aren’t formal enough.</p>

<p>Wow I used “precocious” in the wrong context…
i guess thats one mistake… someone help me find more mistakes…</p>

<p>Could you post certain examples of sentences that are too formal and those that are not.
Thank you</p>

<p>The three examples I would use for this essay question are 1) Pearl Harbor 2) the two boys from ‘The Chosen’ (Chaim Potok) or Sonia from Dostoevsky’s Crime and P, 3) probably personal example of an intimidating teacher, or otherwise To Kill a Mockingbird.</p>

<p>Can someone come up with others, especially historical ones?</p>

<p>Also, be wary of trusting the online CB grader… I think it works mainly by assessing the complexity of your vocabulary and making sure there are no grammar problems. That essay is probably a 3-4.</p>

<p>some wayward suggestions:</p>

<p>“My reply will be based on a personal anecdote upon Biology.”
This sentence does not provide a healthy transition. Make it smooth and competent. Smth like, Instances from biology serve to support my stance.</p>

<p>“Possibly the reason why I chose to make this assumption before was because of my first impression.”
‘the reason why…was because’ is to be avoided. The whole sentence actually sucks. Try smth like: My first impression made me assume that..</p>

<p>Carefully check for time consistency. There are sentences in which the time of your verbs suddenly changes leaving the reader stumped.</p>

<p>thank you guys…
I noticed there were many errors but couldn’t find out how to fix them
Its much better when someone else reads the work because it presents a different perspective
I think that my paper has a passive voice, but im not sure
do you think that using 3 examples is plausible if there are only 25 minutes to complete it?
I’ve done it before but using 3 examples usually makes the essay incomplete…
I think that 2 is better than 3…
but anyways thank you guys again</p>

<p>You can also use a well-thought, well-explained example and score a 12.</p>

<p>Personally, I prefer using 2.</p>

<p>Well, I got a 12 on my essay with three examples, but I also know people who got 12’s with two examples, so it’s not really that important. Just make sure each of your examples is clear and detailed.</p>