@mom2and - “I would also make sure you are really listening to him and what he wants, without dismissing his very real feelings for his girlfriend.”
Exactly - (I posted my son’s story a few pages back) - when we were able to do this it helped tremendously. No one can predict the future (break up/no break up).
HAVE HIM READ ALL OF THE ANSWERS ON HERE!!!
That being said, most guys would probably say play football (which I agree with), and women probably more likely to worry about the “concussion thing” which can be a legitimate risk that men of course worry about too. How long has he been with the girlfriend and how serious is it? They are very young…people change so much from their late teens to mid to late 20’s as well…with it rarely working out long term at a very young age. Also, how many offers has he received from those 20 schools!? I would say pursue football if he is that talented for sure and do NOT follow her to one college and limit yourself!! Only my opinion though…once again…
HAVE HIM READ ALL OF THE ANSWERS ON HERE!!! (I know…a lot of reading haha)
It is not unusual for offers not to be received until after July 1 of senior year.
There is a lot of judgement and bias in this thread. As others have pointed out, OP did not ask advice about traumatic brain injury related to football. That has nothing to do with the problem she is facing. Do responders really think the parents are unaware? Others have somehow divined that the kid is using the “follow the gf to avoid playing football” idea, i.e.,he is following gf as an excuse to get out of playing football because he really doesn’t like it but is just trying to please his dad.’ Huh? What did the OP write that lead anyone to this possible conclusion? It’s likely the kid really does like football as many do.
This is an age-old problem, happens frequently, and it is a big problem for OP. I believe there is a bias here- if OP’s child had perfect SAT/ACT scores, a 4.6 GPA, and had a hook that could get him into Stanford with a full ride on an academic merit scholarship I think the response from many posters would have been quite different. I think many posters would advocate serious intervention in this scenario. Since it is football, with risk of brain injury, some seem to have a bias that it is less of a problem and ‘kid following gf to her college gets him out of playing a dangerous sport so it’s actually a good thing.’ But it’s not a good thing. He may be forfeiting some real opportunities.
Getting into a great college on an athletic scholarship or simply getting admittance to a competitive school because of athletic achievement is a pathway that is just as financially important to those families involved and deserving of respect and recognition as an academic scholarship or achievement.
I think most realize that odds are this relationship will probably end shortly after he goes to her college and he will be left with much less than if he went to the best college for himself- for football. Kid is worried that if he isn’t there to guard his turf at her school some other guy will take her. This is 17 year old testosterone/infatuation and he isn’t really thinking with his head or his heart, as is the case with virtually all young men this age.
It’s a tough problem. Do whatever you can to get him time away from this girl. Emphasize that it’s a bit selfish for his gf to not encourage him to go where its not best for him but simply convenient for her. Tell him to have her transfer to his college. If he can follow her to her college why shouldn’t she follow him to his college. Let him think about it. Whatever he decides, you will need to lead him to the desired outcome but make him believe it was all his decision.
Maybe offer that if he goes to his best “football college” you will pay for airline tickets (if far away) so that he can visit his gf every other weekend or something like that. You will even buy plane tickets for her to visit him. This may open up his thinking to the idea that his relationship with his gf could still work if he goes to another college. Remember- odds are you will not have to buy many or even any airline tickets. I think you are very aware that this relationship will likely be over quickly once he gets to college or even once she goes away next year.
Any news?
We haven’t heard from the son–the football player. We don’t know whether or not he has suffered any football related injuries such as concussions (diagnosed or undiagnosed). Maybe too much pressure to act like a man & to play through the pain. Maybe son confides in girlfriend what he cannot to parents, coaches & teammates. Whether to play or not to play football is the son’s decision.
Nevertheless, it is foolish to only apply to one school in pursuit of teenage passion.
Maybe OP can reach an agreement with the son to apply to at least four or five colleges & universities with the promise that the ultimate decision will be his if he can afford the COA.