My son has been accepted to attend a university and has signed a letter of intent to play baseball there. His girlfriend was looking at the same school, but has decided she doesn’t want to go there. His dream for forever has been to play baseball in college. He has made this decision before the girlfriend was even in the picture. I know that he will most likely regret the decision to attend a different college and not play baseball. Also, the baseball college would have much more support for him academically than the other college he now wants to go to. He is a mediocre student and I’m afraid he will “get lost” at this other school which is much larger. Need some advice on how to handle the situation!! My feeling is this… he signed a letter of intent and he needs to follow through, at least for the first year. I’m not getting much support from his dad. We are divorced and he doesn’t want to be the parent who gives advice our son doesn’t want to hear.
Welcome to CC and the parents forum.
Is your son also getting an athletic scholarship to play baseball for this school?
Will you be able to afford the new school?
Is he relying on you to fund part of his college expenses? If so, I would consider making that support contingent upon fulfilling his commitment to the letter of intent he signed and giving it a go for at least one year.
Seems silly to base his decision on a high school relationship but I’m sure his eyes aren’t open to that. The folly of youth.
Oh I agree he will regret it – so many HS romances do not last a semester once college starts even when students purposely attend the same college. Does his girlfriend really expect him to give up baseball for her?
My daughter plays lacrosse half way across the country and her HS boyfriend is enlisted (they both graduated 2017) and I was SO relieved they both kept to their dreams/commitments.
Is there a chance you could talk to him not so much as a mother but as someone who wants HIM to be happy with his own decisions and not have regrets?
Talk to him and say you wouldn’t want him to choose a college based on a girlfriend, and wouldn’t want him to choose to not to go to a college because of a girlfriend.
Ask him to think about 5 years in the future…will be be more upset he didn’t play baseball in college becauase of a HS girlfriend, or more upset that he saw his GF a couple of times around campus and it was awkward.
Ask him to think what advice he would give to someone in his situation.
I would encourage him to go to that college for at least a year, and if that point he doesn’t want to stay there you will support him switching (but not monetarily).
I’d ask him to try the baseball gig for a year. After that he’s free to explore his options.
I’d also tell him how many girls there are at his new school 
Yes, he is getting an athletic scholarship, not a full ride, but with his financial aid this private college will cost less than a public college.
So this girl wasn’t even his girlfriend in Nov when he signed the NLI? Has he applied and been accepted to this other school?
He needs to sit down with you and discuss the baseball school. If you can get the coach to talk to him, do that too. You can’t make him play baseball, but you can not pay for the GF school.
To avoid the angst associated with a parent standing in the way of true love, make it about the money. Try to keep the GF out of the discussion completely.
Yes! Keep the girlfriend out of the equation. Focus on money, support services, his commitment and – baseball. Appeal to his love of the sport and the game.
Does he look up to his baseball coach or another older college age/just out of college male figure? If so then this wouldn’t be coming from “MOOOMMMMM” and might be more well received.
He made a choice and should stick with it. I agree, make it about the money. It shouldnt be too difficult, becasue he simply won’t be able to afford any other option. Tell him if it’s meant to be, it will work. There are plenty of people who make long distance relationships work.
You run the risk of him tanking his first semester at the LOI college if he is unhappy with being there. Young love is powerfully intoxicating.
I’m estimating, but 99.9% of HS relationships break up during college. Will he be happier at school #2 without baseball when he and gf are over than he would have been at #1? Will he be 40 years old regretting giving up baseball for a girl? My wife was recruited for soccer and chose not to play. The “what if” still comes up 30 years later.
He does not need a release from college #1 if he does not intend to play at college #2. He does owe the coach a phone call and an apology if he decides to bail.
The answer I gave my daughter was “if it is meant to be, it will work”. Well her’s didn’t and she doesn’t regret any of it. She stayed at her school and graduated with honors. He dropped out of school and seems content to work a part time no future job. His current, long term gf, spent 4 1/2 years in college, didn’t graduate, and has a low paying job trying to pay off her loans. Her parents also went into debt and have since basically disowned her. Neither of those two have grown up at all.
I think you should separate the two issues. One is the girl friend. It’s usually not a good idea to chase a HS girlfriend to college.
That’s different from his desire to play baseball though. College baseball is a grind and not for the weak hearted. There are no guarantees and just because you’re on scholarship doesn’t mean you’ll be welcome next season. It’s cut throat. Look around and see how many kids transfer. Players in my area are like nomads – attending 3 & 4 schools during their career. He should talk to his HS and travel ball coaches about it before he decides. There is also a high school baseball website you can ask the question on (google will help locate). Good luck.
Just tell him you can’t afford to pay his tuition and he needs to take the scholarship. There’s no sense in you taking a large unnecessary financial hit because he wants to follow a girl.
I’m unsure if the alternative school is public, making the cost comparable to the one with the baseball scholarship. Sports make me uneasy though. Sports scholarships need to be re-earned each year and kids often change their mind about playing (too time consuming, injury, don’t like coach etc). I think it’s only 50% that end up playing throughout their college career. Our kid gave up the “sports in college” dream when he learned that things like study abroad and internships could be hampered by sports obligations. As parents, we had withdrawals from knowing how much time/$/effort was put in. We came to appreciate everything in a different context eventually though.
That being said, chasing a girlfriend can downright backfire. I know of someone who got dumped on the first day of the school year and had to live in proximity and agony with their ex- and all their HS friends. Also at a larger school, students generally are looking for big experiences, so they (guys and gals) often don’t appreciate those that are tied down to a significant other from HS days. This can be a strain on making friends, going out for fun, exploring the world and on the roommates. That same kid didn’t make many friends freshman year b/c they were too tied to HS friendships.
If cost is an issue, I wouldn’t let him quit his commitment. If cost is equivalent, I’d suggest him making a priority list of his goals but not include the girlfriend in it just to see if his priorities have changed. Is baseball still a dream or is he ok being a regular student? Would he give it up even without the girlfriend? Does he prefer learning in a smaller classroom with teachers that care? I’d give him a quick speech on “lifetime” goals beforehand to give him perspective. I’d agree that a smaller school might give better stability but that varies with how receptive a student is too. Sorry you’re in this situation.