<p>Here is our latest dilemma: Our son was the subject of numerous posts a year ago when we denied him the use of our car unless he worked during the summer. Ultimately we gave him what turned into a terrific high school graduation present: zero $ unless he worked; if he worked we offered to double his earnings. After fierce resistence, he worked hard at Starbucks, and set off for college with around $6000 in the bank.</p>
<p>He is doing very well at Sarah Lawrence College, working hard, and loves it. He interns one day a week at a literary salon in NYC editing a poetry magazine. He has 3 totally free days per week. Son's summer plans are to travel with two "couples" to South America for 6 weeks which would preclude working.</p>
<p>Next semester, since his nest egg would be quite diminished, he proposes that he live off-campus, which would be cheaper than living at college, eat non-dorm food which would also be cheaper, and have us provide the difference in college monies we have set aside for him for college housing and food. In other words, he could bank several thousand dollars, not live as comfortably, but not be obligated to work during the school year or summer.</p>
<p>The proposal makes logical sense...but does get him away from a "work ethic" other than his work ethic at school. It troubles us that he has so much free time during the week when he's clearly not in school or studying. He is 19 years old. Should we just go along with his plan and bug out of this? Or, since it's ultimately our money that he would be "appropriating", do we still have a say?</p>
<p>Just to make sure I understand - is he proposing that you pay for the cheaper housing and food (which is ok) but that instead of this saving you money you give him the money saved to do with whatever he wants?</p>
<p>correct - we would allocate the "retail" $ we set aside for tuition/dorm/food. Pay his reduced rent and amount for food. The money we would save we would "gift" to him and he would use that money for yearly expenses, assuming his savings are drained.</p>
<p>He may want to research the numbers thoroughly, adding in utilities, etc.</p>
<p>We do this for our kids, if they move off campus, which may or may not be cheaper, may or may not require a car- we provide the same budget amount and they can either barely make it, live a low cost lifestyle and put aside some $, etc.</p>
<p>In the same way we give them a book budget and let them find retail vs amazon etc. I look at it as a way to give them some real financial incentives to save money on purchases, because they get to keep the change, as it were.</p>
<p>We don't pay any of the bills ourselves, in our case I would give D the money for the term and it is up to her to pay her bills accordingly- no gifting of leftovers, rather providing a budget allowing the student to decide how to spend it.</p>
<p>My first instinct (and I'm anxious to read all the reactions) would be no. I don't pay room/ board because I have the $ lying around. I pay what my kids <em>need.</em> </p>
<p>That said, I love the fact that my kids are interested in traveling and I would want to support that. So, <em>if</em> the trip is something that I want to support (because I think it will be a valuable experience), I would agree to it on 2 conditions: 1- he do it <em>just</em> for this semester (after that, if he chooses to live off-campus, the savings would be mine) and 2- he get a job for 1 or 2 or all 3 of those free days he has during the week and he bank that $ for his trip. That way, he is actually working and contributing $ to his own trip.</p>
<p>Ask him to go in the backyard and when he finds the money tree let you know where it is located ;)</p>
<p>Our DS has @ 3K,(2 yrs of work) if he blows through it by his soph yr, than he needs to find a job. We intend to give him a small stipend (prob.400 per semester) after that it is on his dime. We intend to pay for his books also. </p>
<p>Again the last time I checked we are not the bank. We have also explained to all of our children that they will take a GSL, get below an overall 3.0 gpa, they pay it back, otherwise we will repay it immediately. They know I am not kidding.</p>
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That would be my parents' reaction as well. Think, if he graduates a year early, would you give him a year's tuition? If he orders a burger instead of a steak when out to dinner with you, do you pay him the difference? I don't think that's the way money works in families. He's not "deserving" of that amount of money; he's "deserving" of room and board. </p>
<p>Anyway, spending the summer in South America doesn't preclude working or studying. Can he get a grant to study Spanish while there? Can he get a job teaching ESL, acting as a tour guide, or working at a hotel?</p>
<p>If you consider the time he must take to shop, cook and clean up his own meals as a "job" then pay that as a difference. To me, it's worth..hm, let's see...what do we pay single women age 19 for these tasks...0$.</p>
<p>But if you're more generous than I am, maybe $4.00 per hour to do this instead of use the mealplan, which is expensive. Assuming he'll devote around 15 hours per week (for real) to shop, cook and clean with others, that's $60. per week job.</p>
<p>Ask him to compare that to living on campus to run in for a quick campus-ladeled meal, meanwhile getting some normative college job at around $8.00 per hour for 10 hours per week. That would earn him $80, not $60 per week AND he'd have an extra 5 hours free. Valuing his free time at $4.00 an hour, those 5 more hours work-free adds on yet another invisible $20. per week in opportunity value. </p>
<p>Use your own piddly little numbers to flesh out a real-life comparison. I find that I have to talk to kids like this for them to see real costs and how little or much they are really improving themselves this way. </p>
<p>If he found you a cheaper alternative for off-campus housing, here's what I think you owe him: say: "Thanks, son. And I'll be looking out for deals for you, too!"</p>
<p>One suggestion......
His trip is just six weeks. Most college summer breaks are for 3 1/2 months. Suggest he find a job or create a job/service to earn money during the approx. 8 weeks of summer that he still has free. That money can help to pay either for his trip or for his spending money next year. In other words, there are some possible solutions to make the trip happen and also earn money. He also might be able to get a part time job of some sort on his two days off or weekends for the semester to accrue the money he won't be earning during the six weeks he will go on the trip.</p>
<p>I would suggest to him that if living off-campus is so much less expensive, and if living on-campus has so little value to him that he'd be willing to forgo the experience to save money, then he should be living off campus to save me money. It sounds like he has plenty of free time between now and the trip to work for whatever trip money he wants.</p>
<p>Suggestion: it's not so easy to pick up a summer job in one's hometown, but my S did well with an independent moving company on a per diem basis. They get busy in the summer. Just by showing up regularly at the parking lot, and being sober and on time, he was ahead of the pack. The other college kid who worked with him made the huge mistake of telling the crew he was in college and would someday earn more than they did...my S stayed humble and lived. Also there's a role for the small, wiry types (like my S) on a furniture-moving crew. They use all kinds of physicalities. The big muscle guys lift the refrigerators; and he was the eager beaver who ran a zillion boxes up and down stairs. It takes all kinds. </p>
<p>He was able to work part, not all, of the summer that way and meet his financial goal.</p>
I had a lengthy reply typed up but Iderochi's reply pretty much summed up my reaction.</p>
<p>Though seriously I would probably be willing to pay the rent and give an allowance for food and expenses during the school year. I would not just hand over the whole difference with carte blanche to do whatever he wants with it. Like somemom said - provide a budget and no gifting of leftovers. And, honestly, summer vacation type trips with friends would be on his dime not mine - though we would help out with school related summer programs. Note I said help. Frankly the money we saved toward college entailed some sacrifices on our part - those sacrifices were not made so the kids could hold their hands out and say "gimme what's left over." Our current deal with our daughter is that what she saves us on undergrad will be hers for medical school. If she ends up not going to med school or grad school it is ours. </p>
<p>I do truly believe in the importance of the work ethic and that earning their own money really teaches them the value of money. Both my kids could not wait to get summer jobs when they turned 16. I think my freshman daughter still has most of the money she earned that first summer in the bank. She is incredibly frugal with her own money - we learned very early that the quickest way to figure out how much she wanted something was to say we would pay half and she could pay the other half . She works a few hours a week for her spending money. She worked the summer before her freshman year and plans to work this summer to save for a trip planned for the next summer.</p>
<p>I agree with Iderochi. In addition, isn't Sarah Lawrence in Bronxville, NY. Where is the cheap housing in the Bronxville area? If you save some money because he moves off campus, that's great. I think you should keep the difference. It sound like you're concerned about his work ethic or lack thereof, so don't encourage him to do nothing when he has plenty of free time.</p>
<p>If you have already given him a predetermined budget for living expenses, I see nothing wrong with him finding cheaper digs and pocket the difference. After all, he is only 19 and his job is being a student. If he is managing nicely in his studies, let him relax. He has the rest of his life to work.</p>
<p>If you want to instill work ethic in a child, and you have money, it is easy. Cease supporting him once he graduates from undergrad. What you do while they are in school is largely irrelevant. Working at Starbucks is not work ethic, it is just squandering youth. Better to intern somewhere for free. This is if you have the money. I don't see the point in playing games.</p>
<p>He is being rather enterprising, but pocketing the entire difference? And there will be costs he has yet to factor in, there always are in moving off campus. Utilities, phone, cable, deposits, etc. </p>
<p>Grumpster, I am thinking a lot about your post. In our household, we always have to make our kids contribute financially, but also have many friends who can afford much more: no financial aid, no summer work for pay, travel for pleasure. It's fine, and we're used to knowing people with more, as well as less, than we have. </p>
<p>Yet I would suggest that, even for a wealthy family, one summer's experience at a routine job is its own "internship" in the realities of the American workplace. Kids can internalize how most of the country lives. It will open up their hearts, even when their feet hurt. It might motivate them to be sure to graduate so they don't have to do these minimum wage jobs for more than a summer. If they're destined to be the manager or boss, they'll recognize authentic stories (versus b.s.) among their employees. They'll never "stiff" (fail to leave a tip for) the bellboy or waitress, ever. They'll talk nicely to others in the marketplace, be less self-absorbed, forever. </p>
<p>They will also hear conversations they will never forget. My S, on that moving crew, met a young man just a few years older than he being chased down by
Child Protection Service for his child-support payments. Upon hanging up, that guy said to the younger men on the crew: Wear a condom.</p>
<p>It was the single most effective Health lesson imaginable.</p>
<p>These conversations might be more rare in a white-collar, tie-and-blazer summer internship.</p>
<p>Honestly, I hope my S gets to have both sets of experiences before he graduates college.</p>