<p>Is she pregnant?</p>
<p>If she is pregnant, congratulations, Grandma, but that in itself is not a good reason for him to leave school.</p>
<p>but I would have a problem with his gf. I would be upset that she is allowing him to move in with her, knowing he has 2 semesters left. Is she really supporting this and why?</p>
<p>We don’t know if the GF is encouraging this or not. The guy may just be “high on hormones” and can’t imagine going a year with little to no sex.</p>
<p>We also don’t know if the GF is aware of the co-signed loan deal. </p>
<p>We also don’t know if she’s thinking that he’s going to finish his degree where she lives.</p>
<p>But, it’s entirely possible that she’s a self-centered girl who doesn’t give a rat’s behind about anyone but herself. </p>
<p>*Is she pregnant? *</p>
<p>That’s entirely possible. It would explain a lot.</p>
<p>It’s really hard to simplify when emotions are runnnig high, but . . . there are 3 things going on, the current money thing, the “what are you doing with your life” thing and the future money thing</p>
<p>1- for the current money thing, there is no problem yet; the kid is responsible for the loans and Dear Mom needs to make it clear to the Kid that she expects him to start paying them off in a routine way . . . no need for any big emotion around it:; just a calm expectation expressed adult to adult that he will take care of his financial responsibilities AND if he can’t do so to to let Mom know ASAP</p>
<p>2- there is absolutely NO benefit to yelling at the kid about life choices; again, a calm discussion asking if he’s leaving school in good standing; if the answer is “yes”, then he can go back later when/if he wishes; if the answer is “no” then suggesting that asking for leave that keeps the door open to going back would be a good idea</p>
<p>3- if the issue here is in part that Mom will not support the kid if he quits now, that’s a message best delivered away from the heat of the moment: “strike while the iron is cold”</p>
<p>good luck!!! it’s hard to watch kids screw up, but sometimes they need to do that to grow</p>
<p>Thanks for all the kind words. We have had all the financial discussions. He claims we are trying to run his life…it is his life and he can do what he wants. We have always had a “line drawn”, he is crossing it. I had his phone disconnected from service yesterday. The car in my name he says he won’t give up, no he has not paid anything for it. He is moving out of state, I explained why he can’t take the car, he still plans to take it. Told him we will have to report it stolen, he still plans to take it, along with the very nice computer I recently purchased for him because his other one broke and he needed a new one for school. He suckered me right in, I had no idea he was planning to quit at the time. He says he plans to go back “someday” but right now what will make him the happiest is to move in with the girlfriend and of course he needs to be happy at whatever the cost to us. So thats where we are. </p>
<p>I am real, so is my son.</p>
<p>I work full time night shift every weekend and home-school my youngest son during the week, yeah busy. I also volunteer at my other sons HS, care for my aging parents, and I am the sole provider for my family right now as my husbands business folded last summer.</p>
<p>I have no idea if she is pg. She has a MA in business and is just starting a new business venture. She seems like a very smart reasonable girl and is in the middle of this hot mess. She also has a 3 year old son.</p>
<p>Oh yeah he is screwing up big time, of course I am now the evil ogre mother who who has always made him do all the things he never wanted to do.</p>
<p>Yeah, I’d get the registration and insurance revoked ASAP. You need that car so you can sell it to pay for the loans it sounds like your S intends to stick you with. </p>
<p>Did he say ANYTHING about how he’s going to pay those loans?</p>
<p>I think the boy is blinded by the “power of love”. He is possibly brainwashed by his GF. He cannot reason now. You may want to take the car back. But I think you should not let him go to jail because of the car. The prosecutor will hurt him the rest of his life. I think he will come back to you when he faces reality. No job, no money, no food, no place to stay and the girl will dump him.</p>
<p>Does he know that when you report the stolen car and the police recover it from him, they could charge him? I don’t know how it works exactly, but I doubt the insurance company is just going to say, hey, no problem, without trying to get the car back. Sticking a co-signer with a loan is sleazy, but car theft is a crime.</p>
<p>OP’s son is what, 21??? still very young.</p>
<p>OP,</p>
<p>I would caution against doing anything drastic that will create a chasm that is very difficult for him to cross to come back to you when and if he needs your support. The odds are good that the relationship may not work out after all, they will break up. The odds are good that a few years down the road, your son will need your help and support to get back on track. I wouldn’t want my son to feel that he can never be part of my life again or get my support because of a huge falling out when he was barely out of the teenage years. On the other hand, suppose everything works out fine with him and his GF. You would want to be there when he has kids of own, etc. Wouldn’t you? Either way, I would leave a door open. </p>
<p>Yes, what he is doing is very thoughtless and immature. You certainly should not condone it, but potentially starting a criminal proceeding (car theft) that will damage him permanently seems like building a bridge of no return. Hopefully, your son will mature in a few years.</p>
<p>I really feel for you as another parent. good luck.</p>
<p>But in the meantime, folks, he is apparently leaving his mom high and dry to pay the loans, knowing that his dad is out of work and she is the sole support of the family. She can’t wait til the son grows up/breaks up with the GF to pay these bills.</p>
<p>What are other ways to get this young man’s attention?</p>
<p>Geez, what a cautionary tale about co-siging loans for your kid (or a niece, nephew or younger sibling)…</p>
<p>So, lizmane, if you are cautioning against doing something “drastic,” just what would ** you** do about his taking the car? The computer? And those loans that he will renege on and force the OP to pay back?</p>
<p>I can’t imagine he’s going to enjoy life with his gf with a 3 y/o running around that isn’t his. This little life change of his may not last long at all! Interesting that she has her Masters, yet apparently doesn’t think this young man’s education is worth anything. </p>
<p>This is a very good cautionary tale against co-signing student loans!</p>
<p>I wish you the best, OP. You are in a very difficult position.</p>
<p>Te OP’s S has not defaulted on the loans or told his Mom he wouldn’t pay the loans. Of course, the reality is he probably will have a hard time paying for them, but we can’t predict he will stop paying them yet.</p>
<p>I think the OP should accept her S’s decision. She has already given him her opinion. Wish him well and hope for the best. Although she is upset right now, I assume if her S decides to marry (or not) and has children with his GF she will want to be part of his life. My suggestion is to not sever ties with your S, but do not enable his bad decision. </p>
<p>good luck to you and your S.</p>
<p>I would sit down with him and try to find a way to make this situation work for everyone. The son may see this decision as a very ethical way to honor relationships over financial success, for example. Or perhaps he is finding that academics or the path he had chosen don’t feel like a good fit, and wants to go into cabinetmaking or something. Maybe he is burnt out and just can’t do it anymore. He is young, and many things change quickly at this age. He could be back on track in a year. Maybe he needs to go off track for a bit.</p>
<p>It’s a different situation, but my son was going to give up an unbelievable job on the opposite coast, rather than leave his girlfriend who had two more years to go to graduate. We talked. He felt that this course of action was consistent with his values, and that money wasn’t as important as love (his words). I told him that she could also make a sacrifice, and finish school where he was working. That I realized he was trying to be egalitarian and non-sexist, but that there were other options besides giving up what he had worked so hard for. As it happens, his girlfriend joined this effort and also convinced him to go.</p>
<p>If you can stay allies, and respect his feelings, which may even be praiseworthy, is it possible to compromise? Could he finish the semester so there is no financial loss (assuming there is no tuition insurance, which we always buy), and then take a leave of absence? Would he agree to talk to a counselor to really dig into whether this is a good idea or not?</p>
<p>He can always return to finish, or find a degree completion program somewhere else (there are even some online).</p>
<p>I am surprised by the hard lines taken here, and find the idea of reporting your son for theft to be alarming. If you are concerned about his future income, and payback of loans, a record that will show up on a CORI will make many low level jobs out of reach, let alone well-paying ones.</p>
<p>If you draw a line in the sand and make it a battle, things will only get uglier. I think it would help to listen and respect his reasons, and work something out that satisfies you and that helps him move on in whatever way he chooses or is able to do. Otherwise, you risk losing him in so many ways, for many years.</p>
<p>This doesn’t make any sense. </p>
<p>Why would a woman with an MA (and a 3 yr old) want a young guy with no degree–
Surely if she is as smart and together as claimed…she’d encourage the guy to finish his degree if its only a couple of semesters.</p>
<p>I smell a ■■■■■…</p>
<p>Perhaps if you put things in black and white financially it would help with perspective. Could you write up an agreement that spells out what you think are his financial obligations to you and have him acknowledge/sign it? (wonder if the GF would be willing to co-sign with him) Then at least you would have your financial concerns spelled out which might lead to a more productive conversation with him. I’m sure there is much more going on than you can convey in your posts, and my thoughts are with you.</p>
<p>From what little we know, I don’t think taking the computer back is ok. Yes, I’d want to but hopefully I wouldn’t. That one sounds like a gift. If parent takes it back now, it would appear parent thinks she has a right to change an agreement(gift) after-the-fact. That is the WRONG impression to give if parent wants to teach kid that he must honor his agreement(loans). But the car sounds like a loaner.</p>
<p>Why can’t you run his life? Is it because he is an adult?(or says so)
This kid(like most) doesn’t see how he is trying to run parents life. WHy does kid get to tell parents what property of theirs he will keep(car) and what bills of his they may have to pay?
If he wants to be a self-supporting adult and make his own decisions, fine. He can make his own decisions, parents can’t force their choices on him.
But the parents are self-supporting adults too, and want to make their own decisions. They can make their own decisions, kid can’t force his choices on them. Often kids or young adults overlook that this is a 2-way street.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Why would John Edwards, Mark Sanford, Tiger Woods,… dump their political career and fame to go after no-name women?</p>
<p>I think, from her post, that the OP thinks the student was already planning to quit but got them to buy him a new computer without letting them know this. I would be quite annoyed if one of mine did that to me!</p>
<p>Definitely a cautionary tale for those thinking about cosigning loans. By the sound of it I would be concerned about those loans as well. But I would not cosign loans to start with as I think anything over the Stafford limit is too much for a student to start life with and I can’t afford to pay them!</p>
<p>
Lol. But they didn’t plan to dump their careers. Thought they were teflon and could keep it all.</p>
<p>True. But the woman running away with the OP’s son already went with some previous guy who probably has no degree either. And she inherits a 3 year old boy probably without child support. So, does it hurt to have another boyfriend having no degree? I think this woman has the charm to make men die for her.</p>