As @anomander stated, ask them to drive next week. Maybe if you keep asking they will begin to catch on. And… if they really dont want to drive and they feel awkward when you keep asking they may tell their son not to come home. That way they won’t have to keep telling you they can’t drive.
You seem to have come to terms with the fact you will be doing all the driving. Just let go of the resentment if this is your decision. You don’t want this eating at you.
If the guys are good friends, it would be a shame if their relationship became affected by any drama between the parents. If you choose to buy snacks, figure other kids will eat some of them. That’s just the way it is with most college kids. We sent snacks with our kids, made a run to the store when we visited their campuses, but didn’t really pay attention to what roommates’ parents were or weren’t doing. You may be more focused and aware of these kinds of things because your son went into college rooming with a high school friend. And you know the parents , they are local, and you want to coordinate things like snacks. Most parents of college age kids don’t coordinate snacks with other parents, some don’t send any at all . If you do, take some things you know your kid likes , and expect he will share. And don’t worry about whatever anyone else is doing.
@milee30 That’s exactly how I would feel as a parent. My guy organizes his own things. And then we make a trip to BBandB for the bedding and bath supplies and that is it. The spreadsheet would overwhelm me. That’s up to kiddo figure out what stuff he needs on the list. I would not buy new furniture. Even a frig is non essential. I would not be involved with snack or frig replenishing. Or have snack drawers. If I’m paying for the meal plan I’d expect them to use it and not snack so much. I would also not know how to say to a close friend. I’m not into this or try to shut down her way of raising her kid. Maybe a miscommunication.
In some cultures it’s almost impossible to say no outright. I wonder if something like that happened here.
This issue arose for my family when one of my sons started participating in a sport with a very “dedicated” parent support group. At each event, this parent support group put on a meal for the athletes. It surely started with the best intentions. The parent group would describe it as providing a hot meal for hungry athletes, which sounds very reasonable.
I respected their good intentions and the fact that this was an established tradition for the team. But I also felt there were some issues with the system:
Parents who didn’t agree with or couldn’t afford the communal feast idea were put into a very tough spot. Did they want to be the one family on the team who didn’t contribute or who brought something different? Or did they want their hard earned money going to something their kid wouldn’t eat or that they didn’t agree with? If they were a family that couldn’t afford to contribute did they want to risk being called moochers?
We were fortunate enough that contributing weekly to something we didn’t agree with and my kid wouldn’t eat wasn’t something that was a major dent in our budget and I was fine with paying that to keep the peace in what was an established tradition in a system that I wasn’t going to be able to change and my kid would have to operate within. And I’m sure if you talked to the parent feast organizers, they would have said that I was a huge supporter of the system because I paid/contributed politely without complaint.
I wonder if this is part of the underlying issue with OP. The other parents do not necessarily agree with OP’s proposed ideas, but also do not want to get into a disagreement where there can be no hope of positive resolution. So when OP proposes something, they listen and simply reply that her idea is sweet/wonderful/nice/_______ without actually agreeing to do anything.
What time zone are you in, OP? Who drove them back today?
A suggestion for the OP-ask your son how he plans to solve the issue of his transportation. Is he choosing to remain involved with this weekend activity indefinitely, and thus remain really a commuter student at his current school? Does he expect you to provide unlimited transportation, and will you set any boundaries on that? If he had to take a bus or alternative, would he really choose to continue the activity if it weren’t so convenient to him? If so should he consider transferring-losing 6 hours per week to travel time may not be sustainable.
^^ OP already answered the above.
Not that I found. Op came up with the current solution not the son. I have found that decisions often change depending upon who is carrying the burden of the consequence or cost of the decision.
Get him a car now. I did driving similar and when it was over I hated to even get in a car to go to the grocery store. You are using valuable weekend hours to drive. Let your son have the car for your sake.
We’ve been friends with this family since elementary school. We’ve been feeding each other’s sons since elementary school. Food is not a problem here, lol.
We parents sat down last spring with our sons and hammered out what they would/wouldn’t need or use. There were plenty of “no’s” on either side, it was out in the open. If one kid wanted something and the other kid didn’t feel he’d use it, then the family of the kid that wanted it would pay for it. If both wanted it, the cost would be split. It was, and is, very simple and very equitable. How this is construed as me ramming it down their unwilling throats, I have no idea. They were eager participants in the conversation and were enthusiastic about the things we agreed to. No “smiling and nodding.” They even asked me to bring my share of stuff early so their son could use it, as he was going up a few weeks early, and I was happy to do it. If they secretly didn’t want that stuff, they made an amazing pretense!
I personally have concluded that these parents are just so wrapped up in their careers and their other kid, that all of the college stuff is simply not on their radar. After venting here, I realized that there is no way I want to rock the boat on what is really a good relationship. People are more important than all of this other stuff. I’m truly sorry I ever started this thread, and sorrier that I’m unable to delete it. Thanks again for all of the input.
A car may not be allowed for freshmen, depending on the university. It might be a good time to be proactive and try to pin down Thanksgiving and Christmas break transportation in advance. Those are times the other parents DO have to make sure their kid gets home okay (whether by getting him themselves, telling him to get a bus or train, telling him to check with other kids coming home, etc.) Ask them directly what their plan is , since you say you do communicate with them regularly.
Ah, cross posted with you, OP. You sound like a very involved, caring parent. Hope the activity and freshman year continue to go well!
I agree with the poster above who wrote about the team meals. Some just can’t afford to split everything. My college roommate lived in an entirely different SES than me. She had a car, motorcycle, stereo system, typewriter, sewing machine. Her mother moved her fall clothes in in the fall and swapped them for winter clothes and then spring clothes. I had clothes that I had to use for all seasons, no swapping.
And I was beyond grateful when her mother brought us a bag of groceries about once a month and I was able to have ramen and mac and cheese. And toilet paper.
MODERATOR’S NOTE: I don’t think anything else can be added. Closing thread.