Huh? How does that help? The OP is still doing all the driving. Only benefit is she gets alone time with her s in the car. And has the roomie’s gf in the car both ways, which she may or may not like.
Well, getting $10 for gas doesn’t change the driving, either. OP needs to decide what the core issue is, in the first place.
But I get the impression she’s now past the initial vent.
Yes lol! I’ve accepted the situation, I just needed to vent. I have figured out that the core of my frustration is not the drive, not the roommate, who is a great guy. It is the fact that the parents haven’t contributed in any other area of this arrangement, especially since we all agreed last spring that everything would be split evenly. I also remember that we did talk about “if you guys are going up, both boys can come home, and vice versa” and they loved the idea. If I felt there were equity in this arrangement, there would be no frustration, and no post here at this forum. None of the equal stuff we discussed last spring has materialized. Ah, well, such is life.
An hour ago, I texted the parents and said, hey, are you guys going to be heading back to school with the boys tonight or what? And they texted back, oh, if you could drive them, that would be awesome. xD
So yeah, I’ve accepted that it is what it is, it’s not going to change, and as long as my kid is thriving, I’ve got no problems. I appreciate those of you who helped me see it thru a different lens.
As I stated very early in the thread they are moochers.
I’d text back, “Thanks. If Joe will still be coming home, let’s split the driving. Can you do the 10th and 12th?”
I don’t expect a miracle, but would try.
Definitely hoping for a Thanksgiving miracle in this department. Thanks again!
@booksenkatz Well, is there a ton of other stuff? More than the usual frig and microwave and maybe rug?
They have a huge room with a private bath, so yeah, there’s probably more stuff than the average bear has. But I look at it this way, my son’s apartment is off to a great start. 
Honestly, this is still as clear as mud, at least to me. You say the parents agreed, “if you guys are going up, both boys can come home , and vice versa.” But, you have said you committed to getting your kid all along. They really don’t have a reason to go up to the college, except for the reasons lots of parents do- to visit their kid, see them in a college event, go to a football game, possibly bring them home for a break or holiday, etc. Most parents are not committing to going to a college three hours away times two on a weekly basis. I do think you seem to be an outlier with that and that is a choice you have made. Communication seems lacking if you are texting this afternoon about getting them back TODAY. They probably assumed you would be doing that , since you have to get your kid all the time . And there must not have been anything agreed upon in advance with them about this weekend that would be different in terms of them transporting the boys? Unless something is agreed upon in advance, you are bound to keep having these issues and frustrations.
As some posters pointed out, the other kid does not have to come home. OP, you talked about " if you guys are going up, both boys can come home, and vice versa", the other parents did not see a need of going up, why should they bring the boys home. As a parent, if I were to take the other student away from school, I have the obligation to bring the student back…I wouldn’t, in the last minute, to ask the other parents to bring their son back to school for a 6 hour drive…
As far as equity, you said you bought the snacks and filled up the fridge, may be you should ask the other parent before filling up the fridge or buying the snacks. I may be the minority here.
@booksenkatz Wow, that’s posh. Remind him that he owes your in your old age.
Agreed, if you want the other parents to drive, you need to give them more notice. Every family is different, but for me to drive 6 hrs on a weekend I would need few days if not weeks notice.
It’s not really fair to spring a 3 hour drive on somebody at the last minute, so their response should not be at all surprising. However this is a perfectly appropriate time to reply, “No problem! Do you think you could drive the boys back up next time?”
@sevmom glad that I am not the only one who does not see anything wrong with the discussion on going up.
S told me this morning that his roommate had mentioned his parents might take them back tonight. We text on the fly all the time, so I was checking to see if they really might take them back.
I am always committed to making sure my son is taken care of, regardless of what others are doing. So in that sense, yes, I have been committed to his needs all along and will continue to be.
My frustration arose out of the lack of equity in the parental arrangement, half of which has not been fulfilled in any area. It would be nice if the parents would step up in this particular area, since they have not stepped up in any other area, but they aren’t, and I accept that now. No more frustration here. I worked through it on this forum, which I really appreciate!
We cross posted @annamom . I don’t know whether or not we’re in the minority here, but I agree with you about the transportation issues
D1 went to a school 3.5 hr away. When she was very sick and I offered to drive up that day to pick her up, she burst out in tears because she didn’t expect me to do that.
I would be very direct with Thanksgiving - text the parents this: "hubby and I are exhausted from the driving every weekend. Can we count on you to do the driving over break? "
OP: Be direct. Do not communicate about this via text. Call or ask to meet in person. Tell the other parents that you are very bothered by the fact that they are not contributing to snacks and driving. Ask them to do some of the driving or contribute for gas. Be prepared for them to present the arguments you’ve seen here (“But your son has to make the trip anyway,” “It wasn’t our decision for junior to come home all the time,” etc.). Be prepared for them to say they’ll help but then not follow through. Be prepared for them to say they’ll help and follow through and then to hear from your son that his roommate says his parents are grousing about the situation. Another possibility: they’ll tell their son to stop coming home with your son.
booksenkatz, you have mentioned several “agreements” that you believe were made and are not being followed. Is it possible that there are differences in viewpoint on what was discussed versus what was actually agreed to?
In each of the examples you mention, it appears that you were the one that proposed a certain solution and that you believe the other parents agreed that it was a good idea and that they were agreeing to your idea. Saying something is a good idea is not the same as indicating that you want to enter into an agreement to do it.
From buying shared appliances, to snacks to driving, you were the one that proposed how things would work and were seeking agreement. Is it possible that the other parents are not agreeing, but are instead just expressing polite noncommittal responses? Just because a person smiles, nods and replies, “that is a good idea,” doesn’t mean they have necessary agreed to some arrangement. It is very possible they’re just giving a supportive response to you and backing out of the conversation without coming to any conclusion.
People parent in different ways and have differing ideas on what their children need to develop. The other parents could believe that you are a nice, well-meaning person who is doing what she believes is best for her child and at the same time they could also believe that your choices are different than what they’d make for their child. They may not feel comfortable having those discussions with you and instead of expressing disagreement, may just be trying an ineffective version of the “smile and nod” polite responses people default to in difficult situations.