I’m a first-term freshman considering rushing a sorority in the spring. I just have one main issue: my step-mom doesn’t want me to join a sorority (we’re international, so she has the typical crazy American picture of Greek life), so I would have to keep it a secret from her. So I need to know how much is the costs of being in a sorority? I doubt I would make it to top or middle tier, so I’m mostly interested in lower tier sororities, but any information is helpful. Also, would it be weird for me to not live in the house? (since my step-mom would figure out I’m in a sorority if I’m at the house). And lastly, is this even possible? Will Cornell alert her that I joined the sorority? Sorry for so many questions, thanks for any help!
Almost all of the sorority bills will be added to your Cornell bursar’s account, so I don’t think it is possible to hide your membership.
@blprof My step-mom doesn’t have access to my bursar account (net.pay), so could I just pay it off and just not let her see the costs?
I suppose so. To give you an idea of costs, your first semester (spring 2016) you will need to pay about $1200. Each subsequent semester if you are not living in the house, you will pay about $600 per semester, or $1200 a year. If you live in the house, which most sisters do their sophomore year, expect to pay about $5800 per semester for room and board and dues/fees.
When my daughter pledged last year, we received a letter from the sorority outlining the fees, so you have to make sure that you prevent that from being mailed to your home.
Since you are an adult, Cornell would not notify your family (this could violate FERPA regulations) and I don’t see why they would.
Fees for each sorority is different. When my kids lived at their sorority house, their room/board and dues were actually less than what I would have paid for room and board on campus. Many sororities do require new sisters to live in the house for a year. That’s how they cover their cost.
I am sure you have your home address on file at Cornell. I think even if you ask your sorority not to contact your family, there is a chance they could send information/marketing material to your home. I get invites to sorority’s parent events or for donations.
I have to say overall, my kids enjoyed Greek life. My older one is 5 years out of school and she is still very close with her sorority sisters. My younger is head of recruiting for her sorority this year. It is a lot of work, but she is enjoying it. By joining Greek life did make Cornell a smaller (better) place for my kids. They had built in friends and social life.
Why would you have to keep it a secret? How can she stop you from joining? If you pay the sorority fees, I can’t see any way she can stop you. She may not agree with your choice, but it’s yours to make. In fact, I am a parent and am not a fan of sororities—I would have preferred if my daughter did not participate. However, she felt strongly that she wanted to be part of Greek life and she did join a sorority. I am not happy about it, but I respect her choice. She pays the dues and all the other fees. Of course, I will pay for the housing costs because I would pay for housing anyway.
OP is from Asia where parent/child relationship is just different than what we are accustom to. The parents could withhold money, ask OP to return home, or severely reprimand her. I don’t think it really matters because we are not going to change OP’s family dynamic here.
Yes @oldfort is correct. My parent won’t change their mind and I’ve been so lucky to be at Cornell this semester. I guess I just shouldn’t bother with this if they’ll end up reaching out to my family. Unless I change my address that’s on file, but I’m pretty sure Cornell will alert my parents?
Better not to keep secrets like this. What would happen if you were to join? Were your step-mom stop paying your tuition? Can you tell her it is a philanthropy sorority? They all do philanthropy, so that would be an accurate statement.
Why don’t you register to rush now. I am not sure if you will see your parents over the winter break, if you do you can try to “educate” your mother about Cornell sorority. My kids didn’t do anything they didn’t want to do. There was no hazing. They went to parties and met a nice group of people. I am an Asian mom. If your stepmom wants additional information, I would be happy to to answer any questions she may have via PM. I do agree with brantly that it is best not to hide this from your parents.
Another thought: In addition to emphasizing that it is a “philanthropy sorority” you can say that you are joining for the career networking opportunities. Show her statistics of the number of CEOs and others in high positions who were participants in Greek life. Perhaps that would resonate with her.
Agree, don’t hide this from your parents. Honesty is the best policy. Are you interested in joining the Asian sorority?
@brantly @oldfort yes I am returning home, I will attempt to convince her. I am afraid she will not believe me and only see this as a party life. @TiggyB62 I’m interested in either the Asian sorority or one of the panhellenic ones
I am bumping this up because I have additional information. My daughter is home from Cornell, and I asked her about sororities contacting parents. She said they have no access to school’s database because it is private (PII, FERPA). The only way they would have parents’ contact information is if a member were to give it to the sorority. If the school bill is not sent home then it is unlikely OP’s parents would know she is in a sorority. I still advocate for telling the truth, but this is to just answer OP’s question.