<p>midmo- Amen to that! Part of why my son in law chose Vanderbilt for his residency (doctor) was because when he interviewed and did a month rotation there during senior year of med school, the people were all so nice and not abusive like a lot of residency programs. If I could do college over again Vanderbilt would be high on my list. For now I have to settle for season tickets to Vandy basketball games!</p>
<p>momofwildchild…is wild child now a doctor? LOL</p>
<p>I remember reading your posts long, long ago.</p>
<p>“DSressing up for a footbal game (dress and heels) was new to me–and the men look so handsome in a tie ;o)…”</p>
<p>I don’t think that they still get dressed up like that for games in the South.</p>
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<p>Yes, this is something that is so different in the South… I grew up thinking my Texas cousins were mindless right-wing nuts because they answered their parents, teachers aned other adults with an automatic “yes ma’am” or “yes sir”.<br>
After living here for a number of years, I have realized that it’s one of the few linguistic honorifics left. Our kids ought to know how to address someone with respect. I actually try to model that in my class, and when I hear a random “Mrs. Dragonmom?” I respond with a “Yes ma’am” or a “Yes sir” even though the person asking the question is 10. Being more respectful than needed doesn’t hurt us a bit.</p>
<p>No, son in law is a doctor and daughter is a Vandy grad student. WildChild is a college senior (YAY) with a job for after graduation (double YAY).</p>
<p>LOL. Well, it looks like I would fit in QUITE nicely in the south! I am known to chat up just about anyone who will listen (much to my husband’s chagrin.) We are from California. I think he could easily live in an area where people are more reserved or not into chit-chat. Would fit him to a “t”. :)</p>
<p>Northstarmom wrote:</p>
<p>More on manners: In large cities in the NE, it’s considered rude and time wasting to chat up clerks, etc. before getting to the point and paying your bill. In the South, it’s considered rude not to exchange a few pleasantries before getting down to business.</p>
<p>My S returned to Elon this week and we picked up 2 F classmates (1 from Mass / 1 from NJ) at Raleigh airport on the way. We chatted a about the cold and other North / South issues and they said that when they started the semester it took a while for them to adjust to even simple things like people holding doors open for one another. But I guess they acclimated quickly because both reported that while home on vacation they walked smack into a door when the person in front of them didn’t hold it for them. </p>
<p>It’s always my hope that people feel welcomed even if some of us do strange stuff like hold doors, let people call us sug (short for sugar), and take a moment to notice and laugh at that some of us never stop talking and others are very quiet…</p>
<p>In 1967 I saw an effigy hanging from a tree ON A METHODIST CHURCH GROUND no less, and I said to my dad, “Oh, must be getting ready for Halloween” and then thought, “It’s April.” Dad explained. Fast forward to 2004, my friends were stopped on a dark country road and “asked” to make a donation to the klan. This is 30 miles outside of Baltimore, in Carroll County where I had my troubling experiences. </p>
<p>I’m much more comfortable with the thought of my son going to Alabama, Clemson, or South Carolina after all these posts. Maryland is tres weird, and hubby and I are planning to move to Colorado after all kids are out of college.</p>
<p>*I grew up thinking my Texas cousins were mindless right-wing nuts because they answered their parents, teachers and other adults with an automatic “yes ma’am” or “yes sir”.
After living here for a number of years, I have realized that it’s one of the few linguistic honorifics left. Our kids ought to know how to address someone with respect. *</p>
<p>I think that it’s serves as a reminder of boundaries, which for a parent/child and teacher/student often get blurred when the relationship is toooooo casual. </p>
<p>What did surprise me when I moved to the South was how young kids are when their parents train them with the “ma’am, sir” thing.</p>
<p>The same way that we prompt our little ones to say, “please,” and “thank-you,” Southerners also prompt tiny ones to say, “yes, ma’am.” It was surprising to me to hear a mom gently prompt her toddler (maybe 2yo) to say “yes, ma’am” to me in response to a question…a nodding of the head did not suffice. LOL</p>
<p>“The same way that we prompt our little ones to say, “please,” and “thank-you,” Southerners also prompt tiny ones to say, “yes, ma’am.””</p>
<p>Very true, mom2collegekids. Considered a sign of respect in the same way that please and thank you are. It’s just one of those things taught along with offering to help with dinner preparations if visiting a friend, offering to help clean up, thanking the parents before you leave if visiting a friend.</p>
<p>I still remember my MIL saying to my daughter as a small child, “you don’t have to yes ma’am me” and my response was “yes, she does”. MIL always got tickled over her southern grandchildren with their accents on “grandMAW”.</p>
<p>Even today at 21, DD went home with a college friend and the friend told her parents, “I keep telling her she doesn’t need to say yes ma’am and yes sir to you but she does it anyway”.</p>
<p>My S is absolutely loving his time in Nashville as well (we live in mid-atlantic). As of matter of fact, he has stated many, many time how much he loves the south, the poeple, the hospitatily, etc. I’m starting to wonder if he is ever going to come back home! </p>
<p>I’m happy he has had an opportunity to experience that part of the country. To be honest, we were concerned about the “southern aspect” of Vanderbilt but in reality it has been a wonderful and positive experience!!</p>
<p>One of the things I love about the south (well, there are many) - there are still men that want to open doors for you…and there are still women who like it!</p>
<p><<in the=“” south,=“” it’s=“” considered=“” rude=“” not=“” to=“” exchange=“” a=“” few=“” pleasantries=“” before=“” getting=“” down=“” business.=“”>></in></p>
<p>This is also what we found overseas (Middle East/central Asia). My husband would never dream of starting a meeting without a few minutes of chatting over a cup of tea.</p>
<p>Being raised in the South, I guess I never really thought much about how deeply the traditions such as the yes sirs go. As I sit here thinking about it, I realized that even in the business world here, I’ve heard our CFO answer a phone call from the CEO with yes, sir and they’re both near retirement age.</p>
<p>Grcxx3, you’re so right about the chatty thing too. Whenever we’re a little late meeting up with DD, she always says “I just figured you made some friends along the way.” That’s sort of the truth too. BUT, I will say that when we were traveling over the holiday in Florida, we met some really nice folks on vacation from Boston and Penn who started a conversation with us so apparently there are some chatty folks up north too! ;)</p>
<p>"after living here for a number of years, I have realized that it’s one of the few linguistic honorifics left. Our kids ought to know how to address someone with respect. "</p>
<p>I think that respect is more in the attitude and behavior than whether one says “ma’am” or “sir.”</p>
<p>I have noticed that some of the most respectful children come from cultures such as Native American or Quakers where children call adults by first name. There is a respect for people of all ages that permeates such cultures, and it’s something I’ve embraced by encouraging people of all ages to call me by my first name. I also like not using titles like “Dr.” because I think that its divisive. Since I have a doctorate and live in a college town, I could have people use my title, but I don’t. I like the informality and the equality that goes with first names.</p>
<p>I know some people like the southern custom of children calling adults “Miss First name.” I don’t like that. To me, being called that makes me sound like I’m a nursery school teacher.</p>
<p>I’m a midwesterner, but lived in the South for 11 years. H is a southerner. My f-i-l couldn’t stand me because I never called him “sir,” and never trained my kids to say “yes, ma’am,” and “yessir”–just wasn’t in me. I also had the bad habit of saying “What?” if I didn’t hear/understand what he said. . .that did not go over well! (My parents were immigrants’ kids, peasant stock/working class and their language/manners were “unrefined” to say the least–that’s what I grew up with.)</p>
<p>I recently moved back to the Midwest and I miss the South, but sometimes I found the people there (women, especially) a bit hard to read–though I admit I was there long enough to have played that game a few times myself 
. Some people call midwesterners dull and literal-minded, but I like their lack of pretension–they say exactly what they mean. (But if a midwesterner disagrees with you, he’ll say nothing–to avoid conflict. Eastcoasters are sort of scary because they debate/argue about or criticize everything. . .they always seem “angry” or in a hurry, hence the term, “Cranky Yankee.”)</p>
<p>*I know some people like the southern custom of children calling adults “Miss First name.” I don’t like that. To me, being called that makes me sound like I’m a nursery school teacher. *</p>
<p>I’m a California native, so I know that isn’t just a Southern custom. In my “Mom’s group” in Calif, all the kids addressed the parents as Miss Mary or Mr. Tom, etc. It was seen as more familiar than “Mrs. White,” but less familiar than just “Mary.” So, my kids have grown up calling my friends, Miss Rita, Miss Susan, etc.</p>
<p>I recently told my son’s GF that she could call me by my first name (instead of Mrs. _____). She told me that she prefers calling me, Miss (first name). She’s Vietnamese. Someday, I hope she calls me “mom”. :)</p>
<p><<we met=“” some=“” really=“” nice=“” folks=“” on=“” vacation=“” from=“” boston=“” and=“” penn=“” who=“” started=“” a=“” conversation=“” with=“” us=“” so=“” apparently=“” there=“” are=“” chatty=“” up=“” north=“” too!=“”>></we></p>
<p>The one from Penn must have been my MIL! She talks to EVERYONE!!!</p>
<p>I never liked the “Miss Mary” thing. I just don’t like kids using my first name–I think it is too familiar/disrespectful. I guess I’m old fashioned, but I’d rather be called “Mrs. Smith.”</p>
<p>My son has called me by my first name since he was 12. No “Miss”. I thought it was a phase and I chose to pick a different battle. It wasn’t a phase. It was obnoxious and still is. Oh well. Still a battle I chose not to pick.</p>
<p>“Good Golly, Miss Molly…” she’s a rockin’ and a’ rollin…</p>
<p>I worked one semeser in Austin, Texas for a consulting firm handling the oil-and-gas industry clients. I noticed the phone manners of the firm’s Senior people, since they billed by the hour. All this initial chatting! I asked, “why?” </p>
<p>They said they could achieve more business gains by investing in l0 minutes of warm social chat/bonding than a New Yorker could with a one-hour meeting consisting only of clipped conversation. They knew just what they were doing. </p>
<p>Everywhere you go, you can learn much from how people speak. At present, I enjoy the Buffalo area, which is in some ways the gateway to the Midwest as it hugs the Great Lakes. In public, people speak with directness, simplicity, kindness and no pretension. WHen I visit relatives on Long Island, New York, I have to ramp up to keep up. </p>
<p>Every place offers a chance to “bloom where you’re planted.”</p>