I sympathize completely. I’ve had the sad task of euthanizing several pets. I learned a tough lesson many years ago. I’d rather euthanize my dog a month too early than a day too late. We did that in March for one our Labs.
Our first Lab would “trick us” with a good day now and then. The question should be “Why are you keeping them alive? For them or for you?”
Prayers passed along.
I am in agreement with the OP. Having put several pets to sleep, the last straw for me was when our beloved cat ended her last six months of life feeling miserable. I still feel like I was a terrible pet parent for not realizing she was so sick, and I vowed I would never let any other pet suffer for one minute if I could help it.
My opinion is that people keep pets alive for the themselves. (To be clear, I’m talking about pets who really have no chance of getting back to normal.) I know others don’t view it this way, but animals don’t have the same cognizance of their own mortality. They just know they feel miserable. The kind thing is to let the pet go as soon as possible. Frankly, I’d book the doctor to come to your home at the first available day. Your husband is thinking of himself, I’m sorry to say. Hugs to you all, it’s very hard.
It’s a tough call - I feel for you. My parents were so reluctant to put down pets that cats and dogs lived months/weeks well past the time they should have (to avoid suffering). Several times when my parents were elderly in/out of the hospital I had to be the one to take the pet for euthanasia. Not a nice job but I had to for the pet’s sake.
I’ve been on the other side. We had a dog diagnosed with cancer and my H wanted to take her to the vet for euthanasia the day of the diagnosis. (I feel this was tied to his own avoidance of extended heartbreak). I said absolutely not (she wasn’t suffering and was happy). She lived for another two and a half month (fast-moving cancer). We had home euthanasia when she stopped eating and wagging her tail. Could have been a few days earlier but prior to that she was still “smiling” and we gave her a big birthday party, all her favorite foods, neighbors and dog friends visisted, kids got to spend time with her, walks off leash, etc.
I would say if you can get your husband to pick some criteria (diminished appetite? sleeping all day?) for the decision then it can be more objective and less emotional.
Maybe this would help? An article on why animals don’t show pain the way humans do…
Pet Pain – Why Animals Hide It and What You Can Do to Help | Grand Valley Animal Hospital.
My goal is to prevent any more suffering while he is afraid of robbing her of good days. She could wake up paralyzed tomorrow or she could remain symptom free for years. Since her first surgery, the longest she has gone without a flare up is 7 months. I can’t stand seeing her tiny body shake in agony. I understand his reluctance. I just feel I am letting her down. We have been married for over 30 years. We have talked through so many difficult issues. Not so much this time.
So it does seem possible your doggie could have several months without a flare-up. Reading your post, it seems the main thing here is your relationship with your spouse. Given that the dog is not currently suffering, I would go along with your husband’s wishes. Continue to keep a journal off good,bad and okay days and that will help show him as well as confirm for you, when the best time is.
My dog was dying of an oral tumor that had hemorrhaged, and was weak from blood loss, not well at all, But still leapt up at the window when I came home, wagged his tail and even when we were at the vet’s for euthanasia, played when we were in the bathroom. Our dogs make this tough on us with their dogged (forgive the pun) affection and devotion.
My dog’s end came pretty fast. His liver popped but he was still in good spirits. We didn’t euthanize him. He knew the end was near. He came to say good bye, circled around each of us once and stood by the door to be let out to die. We took a final walk with him. When I picked him up to go upstairs for the night, he let a big sigh and that was the end. I am sure he was in great pain but I am glad we let him say good bye to us and die on his own term.
I fully agree with euthanizing pets who are suffering, and I also fully agree that many people who hesitate are putting their needs ahead of their pet’s needs and being selfish.
BUT…the dog is not currently suffering and is enjoying life? I’m surprised a vet would suggest putting down a dog who is not in pain yet. It’s not like physician-assisted-suicide, where a person might know their diagnosis and be able to anticipate the suffering that will be coming down the road and choose to end things before that happens. Is the dog happy now? why take that away? maybe he has one day of good life left, maybe 1 week, maybe 1 month, maybe more. shouldn’t he get to enjoy what time he has?
It sounds like your husband is grieving, and trying to hang onto hope that your pup could recover. But I don’t see any reason to take away what little time he has left with your dog if she’s not in pain, and it’s not a huge amount of work to take care of her. Why not wait, because maybe you have months left with her? It sounds like maybe you’re trying to prevent the two of you from seeing her suffer before it even starts. I don’t think your husband is ready for this yet, and seeing her feel okay, even feeling better, I completely understand why he’d want to wait.
By the OP’s calculation, the dog only has about 15% good days. That doesn’t seem as though the dog is going to have months of quality time left. Sadly, the percentage of good days is going to become smaller.
It is very hard, knowing a pet has a condition that will kill them, and that the day will come suddenly. I’ve had 2, and there’s always the feeling of something hanging over your head, waiting for the shoe to drop. I hate that! But i would rather experience that discomfort so that my pet could enjoy more months (in one case an entire year) of feeling good and enjoying life.
If you could know that you were only shortening their life by a week, or a month – no problem. But I’ve had 2 animals that we were literally minutes from euthanizing. One lived comfortably for another 2 years, the other, 3 years later, is still with us. That gives me pause.
Of course, if the animal is deteriorating rapidly and you know there’s no chance of recovery, that’s different. In those cases you know you aren’t depriving them of a long time.
Lastly – consider figuring out home euthanasia. If your vet practice doesn’t offer this, there may be veterinarian services that do.
Just to pipe in, this thread seems to be taking a binary view on the issue.
There is an alternative if circumstances allow it: get a second opinion, preferably from a vet school. As I mentioned upthread, my second pup lived a good 5 years more after we did this.
Oh if it’s true that most of the dog’s remaining days will be bad days, then I agree it’s time to end its suffering. The number of days left isn’t the issue of most of them will be painful ones.
OP here. Thank you to all who shared opinions, experiences and your clear love for your pets. We have had a tough 24 hours around here but I think we have really listened to each other and taken time alone to think which was needed as well.
DH agreed to go speak with the vet. At our last visit, he became emotional and stepped out and missed some key facts best heard from the vet. I agreed to a “re-start” on the quality of life scale calendar as she has had 5 okay days in a row since starting steroids.
While I still am in the camp where I would rather lose her a month too soon than a day too late, I have to accept I am not the only human involved. We are in agreement in regards to further surgery. We have to work from where we agree and move on from there. So grateful for home euthanasia making this impossible decision a little easier. Hug your fur babies tonight! I know I will!
I am so sorry to hear this. We were in nearly this exact situation last year when our beloved and healthy dog had sudden onset of IVDD symptoms in his neck. I have a close friend who is an outstanding vet (in a neighboring state) who I called immediately and he guided me through an exam over the phone and made this tentative diagnosis.
We took him to our regular vet right away, who first offered euthanasia prior to even doing X-rays. That was unexpected and jarring! I said I wanted a diagnosis and I’d be happy to pay for X-rays. Then after diagnosis, they didn’t want to give us a straight answer and they cheerfully referred us to a specialist at Purdue for possible surgery. I went ahead and made an appointment with the specialist. Meanwhile, our dog was not doing very well. I asked for the films.
I work in an adjacent field and I was concerned when I saw the X-rays. I could see with my own eyes that it did not look good. I sent the X-rays to my vet friend and he confirmed my suspicions. It is only because of him, and his compassionate willingness to give me the honest truth, that we were able to navigate this situation appropriately. He gently guided us to have our dog euthanized as soon as possible after having a couple of days to say goodbye. The reality of the timeline took my breath away. He called in prescriptions for several drugs to the human pharmacy to keep our dog more comfortable when our regular vet told us we’d have to get them by mail order (
?!?!)
Our regular vet handled the euthanasia well, but I decided we’d never go back there after that. If we would have listened to them, we would have prolonged our dog’s pain and suffered ourselves through false hope and futile visits to a specialist.
I hope you can have more time with your sweet dog, and I know that it never feels like enough time. I hope she responds well to the new treatments. I hope you can have clarity through this process – it is so hard and I wish you and your family peace.
Thanks so much for your input. IVDD is so hard. Those who have not experienced it have no idea.
I’m so sorry to hear about your dog. We had a family dog with this…and it was so hard. The owner knew when it was time, and was pleased it could be done at home. But it was very sad.
@tidemeover – glad you have a plan. And also glad thst your differences may be the result of different sets of info. And ladtly, glad that your DH will have a chance to talk to vet, possibly with new questions that could help both of you. Hoping for a resolution that feels right for everyone.
I also haven’t been here in a long while, however, I saw something in the news this morning that made me want to pop-in - and here I am!
We are currently in a similar boat - our beloved family dog of 14 years is nearing his end. For several weeks he had a cough that was treated as a cough, then asthma, then finally a cancerous tumor near his heart.
I will preface the following by saying, I am not an animal person - the radiologist told us there was no hope and we should put him down immediately (in the doggie hospital). H and I were so shocked that we needed to process - cough? asthma? cancer? Wow! I said, we couldn’t make that decision on the spot, and we sat waiting for the vet. When she came in, I expressed my shock and told her I didn’t feel his time was up. She agreed and drained his fluids. For a day or so afterwards he was wobbly and lethargic, but then he recovered and went about life for the next three weeks.
Last week, on Friday, we repeated the process of draining fluids. He is back to his elderly self - sleeping, eating, playing, asking for food, playing with other dogs, stalking cats, going for walks et. We know this is temporary, and we will probably not drain him again, however, I feel these few extra weeks (or months) are a gift - and this is coming from somebody who is not particularly fond of dogs. Of course, I’m not a a baby person either!
Without knowing you, I’d say…give your husband the time to turn the page with you, and whatever time you have left with your puppy, spend it loving her and not regretting. My two cents 
For those trying to make the heartbreaking decision, this handout might help.
Thank you for sharing this.
Our senior dog has been having an increase in significant health issues and this week especially so.
H and I (married almost 30 years) are not on same page.
OP here. Just over a month ago we had a hospice veterinarian from Lap of Love come to our house and euthanize our sweet pup while she sat in my H’s lap. We are still in the deep end of grief but I know we did the right thing. H knows we did the right thing but still feels it may have been a little too early. I have always been of the belief better a week too early than a minute too late. We are working through that as we grieve.
We called and set up the appointment about a week before the visit. It was very difficult but we spent lots of time together and we each had time alone with her. When the veterinarian arrived, I didn’t want to open the door. So many times while she was here, I wanted to scream NO! STOP! But I didn’t. I could not let my feelings/fear override my dog’s comfort.
I am sorry for those of you facing this. It is the hardest thing to do. Lap of Love is wonderful if they are in your area.