Hello, everyone.
I am a 15 year old girl who was admitted to SPS as a sophomore this year. To attend one of the best preparatory schools in the US has always been my dream ( I am an international student) and I was incredibly happy when accepted. Now all the necessary documents are sent and one half of the annual tuition is paid.
Today my parents found out about the rape " incident " at SPS and they no longer want to send me to the school. I understand that they are shocked and scared but I just can’t believe that my dream, my ultimate goal that I’d worked so awfully hard to achieve is being taken away. I don’t have any arguments to console them.
What would you/ your parents do in that case. What are your thoughts about the shocking ( at least for my family) news?
A few thoughts (from a US parent perspective):
- This is why it's VERY important to do your homework on any school — optimally before applying, but definitely before any money changes hands. IMO, people are too often blinded by a big name or impressive facilities/famous alum list...but don't dig down to the nuts and bolts of "this is where my kid has to live for the next X years...is this where we truly want him/her to be?" I understand that you are an international, and so may not be as tuned into the US boarding school scene, but the Owen Labrie case is not new news, nor are other incidents in SPS history.
- THAT SAID, I wouldn't necessarily black flag SPS because of this incident. Dig deeply enough into the histories (sometimes even fairly recent histories) of many of the "top" US boarding schools and you'll find other stories of unsavory and even illegal conduct. And as a friend who is a Miss Porters grad told me after I asked her about the Tatum Bass scandal years ago: "Schools are generally extra-vigilant in the wake of a scandal, so don't worry about it."
Bottom line: It’s a terrible situation and extremely negative press for SPS. But don’t think that this sort of thing couldn’t (doesn’t?) happen at other schools. If I was in your shoes, I’d stay the course and go to SPS, but with eyes wide open.
I might suggest that your parents contact the school to see what has been done to prevent this sort of thing from happening again. I am sure the school will be able to allay some of their fears. Your parents will not be the first to raise this issue. This sort of “event” usually makes a school reevaluate things and make changes when necessary.
I can understand your parents’ concern and you are fortunate to have parents that care about you and are concerned for you. I suggest you and your parents talk to the school and hear what they have to say. Talk to admissions. Heck, call the rector’s office. SPS isn’t a perfect place but no place is and the behavior of the the accused guy and a few of his buddies does not reflect the school culture nor is this a “tradition” as it is being represented in the media. They might not get the comfort they need nor change their mind, but it is worth pursuing.
Your moral compass and habits will be the deciding factor in your welfare on ANY American campus, be it a boarding school or a college, as far as the culture of casual sex goes. Single episodes, even crimes, should not define institutions.
@SevenDad @london203 @doschicos @Charger78
Thank you for your replies! The information and opinions you provided were carefully considered by my parents. They decided that I should still go to SPS but ( as Seven Dad noted ) with my eyes wide open.
As our family doesn’t live in the US we can’t process all the information and understand the situation fully. Everything you wrote is undoubtedly true and very helpful!
Be confident in yourself, and if you can, find an upper form girl you admire that has her act together to serve as a mentor. Build a strong, trusting relationship with your advisor or another adult on campus you click with. Keep open, honest, and regular contact with your parents (believe me, they will be worrying about you from afar and reaching out from your side will make all the difference). You’ll do great. Feel free to PM me if you or your parents have question.
@doschicos
Thank you again.
Your advice was needed! I’ll contact you if we have any questions.
Wow I feel for both you and your parents. You could remind your parents that if you get to the school and it feels unsafe or you don’t like it, you can always come back home at any time? Maybe PM some SPS kids on CC and ask them what their experiences are like? Or ask SPS to put your family in touch with a female student and her parents? Your parents definitely should reach out and talk to a dean too.
Several US schools have had a horrible incident at one time in their past but in general the schools are wonderful places to learn and very safe. Every school will have some kids who have sex and drink etc. but what this one SPS guy is accused of is shocking and criminal and way outside the norm as I understand it as a bs grad and a parent.
My bs daughter (not SPS) spends most weekends watching netflixs and just hanging out in her dorm. It is VERY easy to get expelled from US bss and most students are focused on college etc. and don’t want to jeopardize that by breaking rules. I am pretty sure SPS will be extra watchful going forward as a result of this - and if no actions are taken by the school this fall to address this situation then I am not sure I would want my daughter to attend either.
@victoria777 - there’s been an organic, spontaneous outpouring of love for SPS and the SPS community on social media this evening. Postings of messages of support, photos, parts of the school prayer, etc., especially among current students and young alum to show support for the school and as a show of solidarity. SPS community members feel crushed by the portrayal of the school and its community by the media. Community members know that the “senior salute tradition” portrayal is really off base and not a reflection of what happens on campus. Away from this small group of the accused and his few cohorts, there is no tradition of senior boys trying to steal girl’s virginities and keeping score. Most of these messages are being tagged #spsfam so you might be able to see them with that hashtag.
To SPS’s defense, the school administration reported the incident to the police as soon as they were made aware of it. They cooperated with police and were upfront with the school community about the incident as much as they legally could be. There was no sweeping under the carpet to my knowledge.
@chemmchimney
Thank you for understanding and valuable advices. My parents will definitely contact the school to ensure that some changes are made. I will contact several SPS students to discuss this situation and find out more about the environment at school. Fortunately, my parents trust me and we have a very open relationship. Of course they are shocked by the recent events, but they decided that I should start attending SPS in September.